Day 20: Depression And Dependence Pain
May never see my X again?
Update, May 8, 2022: It’s come to my unfortunate attention that my X has many narcissistic traits. I encourage anyone that is going through a weird and painful relationship to please research narcissism.
No one told me about this and I was clueless. 4 years later I know about narcissism but am paying the very painful price for having dated one. Below are some links for you to learn from. Very helpful and informative.
Narcissist Questions/Answers. / Narcissist Video Help
Last night was the last music performance show with my X. And, possibly the last time I ever see her?
But, we run in the same circles and I fear I will see her again.
I fear it because I don’t want it to reopen the wounds that I am so quickly trying to heal!
I am kind of mad at how she treated me but I don’t want to lash out or look for revenge.
I guess I am a little numb and wish she could see how her narcissistic ways hurt me.
Seeing my 11-year-old son today and trying to keep a very strong face on for him.
It is hard and I don’t like being weak and not being able to show him a ‘know everything, strong father.’
But, I did my best!
It isn’t easy getting over the pain that she/the relationship has caused.
It has opened my eyes to my personality, to my weaknesses, to parts of me that I didn’t even know existed.
And wish didn’t exist.
But, that is a relationship and I intend to grow deeply from that in time!
Working on being strong and more independent.
Working on relying on myself rather than depending on others for self-esteem.
It is hard.
It’s a habit.
It’s ingrained.
For now………………….
peace,
