How to cultivate more acceptance in your life
Want a happier life? Cultivate more acceptance and understanding around self, life and your circumstances.
by: E.B. Johnson
Cultivating more acceptance around our lives and our circumstances is one of the most powerful ways to transform the way we feel and the way we think. When we accept ourselves and the decisions we have made, we find greater peace and are better able to get in-tune with that authentic and core self that we can so easily find ourselves straying from. More often than not, finding true joy in this life comes down to accepting who we are and what we want — but that’s a process that can be daunting to embrace, and even more daunting to enact.
If you want to live a life that is more peaceful and complete, trying living a life that is filled with compassion and filled with a blanketing layer of acceptance across your love life, your career decisions and even the personal moves you make. Stop running from the fact that you alone have the power to create the life you want and embrace the courage that can take you all the way to the threshold of your dreams. This life is a magical one when we learn to be kind to ourselves and kind to others. Do that by accepting who you and who you want to be.
Acceptance is the way we move forward.
No matter what problems you face in this life, acceptance is a tool that can help you overcome them. Dealing with day-to-day adversity is hard, and the path through life is filled with all sorts of pitfalls and potential traps that can leave us even more confused, scared and insecure. When we learn how to accept this journey, however, as well as the role we play in it — we can get more proactive about creating the lives we’ve always dreamed of, and the goals that provide us with fulfillment and joy.
True acceptance is letting go of judgement and acknowledging (with brutal honesty) both the good and the bad in your life, your personality, and the people around you. It’s not agree with something. It’s not to support or condone something. It’s simply saying, “I acknowledge that this is a part of my reality. I acknowledge that this thing is here, and I will not punish myself or other people for it.”
We cultivate acceptance consciously and actively, by making the choice to let reality in and see it for what it is and the value it can provide us. The more we accept ourselves, the more powerful we become. We bloom when we give ourselves the power to be who we were meant to be, and we thrive we forgive ourselves (and others) for the all-too-human mistakes we’ve made. If you want to be happier, try accepting your life for what it is. Try accepting yourself for the beauty and skills that you have. The more you practice this skill, the more it will grow in you every day.
The fundamental truths behind acceptance.
Before can cultivate true and lasting acceptance in your life, there are a few core truths about acceptance that you have to embrace. Rather than taking things on as they lie, accepting is agreeing to acknowledge something — while also taking on the responsibility to change what you can. Being accepting is not a passive experience. It’s one that takes work and conscious commitment every day.
Not a passive skill
Cultivating acceptance is not a passive pastime, and it’s not something that happens naturally or by mistake. Acceptance is something that has to be practiced actively and consciously, and it’s something that has to be learned courageously. It’s not easy to embrace ourselves when we’ve lived a life being told that we aren’t good enough. If you want to accept yourself, commit to the journey and understand you’re going to have to commit and work to feel better about who you are and where you’re at.
Releasing a death sentence
When you accept something it doesn’t mean that you’re accepting that things will forever be that way. Rather than taking on a death sentence, you release that endless sense of dread and uncertainty by accepting the things you cannot change (while simultaneously accepting the impermanence of everything in this life). The longer we live with our heads in the sand, refusing to embrace the reality of our situations, the greater the anxiety will become. Take charge of your future and accept reality in order to find a greater certainty.
Across-the-board need
Acceptance isn’t just something that we practice on ourselves, and it’s not something we should focus on in just one area (ie love). It’s a skill we should practice across the width and breadth of our lives, and one that we should work to instill in love and hardship. We have to accept ourselves, but we also have to accept our partners for who they are, our jobs for what they can offer us, and our lives for what we’ve built them to be. There’s across-the-board need when it comes toacceptance…and across-the-board benefit too.
Committing to change
Just as acceptance helps us to move toward impermanence as a common force in our lives, it can also help us to commit to changing the things in our lives we have control over. To accept your life is not to agree that it will pass you by. It’s acknowledging the things that are happening around you, and then taking responsibility for everything within your realm of power and control. Likewise, accepting someone is not agreeing to put up with their faults forever.
Different from condoning or choosing
Many turn from true acceptance, because they believe that to accept something is to condone it or choose it for themselves. Acceptance, however, is not the same as welcoming more of something into your life. It’s also not putting your support for anything, or encouraging it. It’s simply marking it as a fact of reality, so that you can then further explore it and make sense of it within your needs and narrative.
How accepting ourselves and our lives increases our happiness.
Acceptance has some transformative qualities, and that includes both aspects of our personal lives and our love lives too. When we accept ourselves, we make room for our authentic needs and desires to come out. Likewise, when we learn how to accept others, we create happier and more stable relationships.
Becoming better problem solvers
Though you may not have considered it, acceptance is actually a tool that helps us to become better problem solvers. When you accept yourself and the things you want, you’re better able to think clearly and make efficient decisions that add up to greater benefits for you. By staying focused forward, we are better able to create plans of action and uncover ways to get around the adversity that life throws our way.
Improved mental health
It’s not hard to understand why cultivating greater acceptance of our lives and circumstances can lead to improved mental health. With acceptance comes greater peace, and a greater understanding of self. The more you understand the decisions that you make and the experiences behind your actions, the more you can also come to understand your emotional balance and the way the outside world impacts that balance. Acceptance is an important step in finding security and comfort in the way we live.
Awareness of reality
With acceptance comes a greater awareness of reality. Acceptance asks you to look deep in to yourself and into others, and to embrace it for exactly what it is in that moment. It’s taking reality on board and refusing to run away from it, and it’s cultivating a greater understanding of that reality by breaking away from the lies and delusions we often allow ourselves to live (terrified) beneath. This life is what we make of it, but that’s only true when we are working with the reality of our situation.
Healthier relationships all around
Accepting yourself leads to a greater confidence, but it can also lead to healthier relationships. Your relationship with self is bolstered by acceptance, but so too are the bonds that you share with other people. Accepting someone else for who they are means opening up your eyes to their reality, while still keeping your needs in sight. The greater acceptance we cultivate in self and in others, the greater improvement it can make in the quality of those relationships.
Increased inner peace
What could you do with a little more inner peace? Really think about it. If you could life your life each day with a great deal of serenity — no matter what life threw your way — would that add more value to your life? Many of us make our circumstances worse by overreacting or allowing our emotions to take driver’s seat when we’re up against adversity. Maintaining our inner peace, however, allows us to think more clearly and make better decisions for ourselves, our partners and our families.
Greater resilience
The greatest benefit of cultivating acceptance in your life and around your circumstances is (without a doubt) the resilience that it gives you. Acceptance is an impenetrable armor which makes us immune to many of the hardships that life throws our way. When you accept things (while understanding what you control and have the power to change aspects of your life) you embrace the impermanence and understand that what is bad now will not forever be so. Life is always changing around us.
The best ways to accept yourself, your life and your circumstances.
You don’t have to live paralyzed by your uncertainty and your insecurities forever. You can learn to embrace your life and your circumstances by learning how to be more accepting. Don’t sit by and let the best parts of life miss you out completely. Get proactive and use these techniques to begin cultivating acceptance in your life.
1. Cut ties with judgement
Living in judgement (whether of yourself or others) is a toxic way to exist, and a fast track to unhappiness. The more we judge and compare journeys, the less value we see in our own contributions or those of the people around us. Judging is to sell short all the good, while also refusing to acknowledge that there is an array of unseen variables that can’t be accounted for.
Ease off that inner critic and develop new ways to deal with all the biting critiques. Learn how to avoid the triggers that set him or her off and try to cultivate positive responses to her negative outbursts. You can do this by reframing your own world views and getting to the root of the childhood traumas and heartbreaks that led to such a virulent inner voice.
Judging others is stupid, but judging yourself is especially pointless. We are all human, and we all make mistakes. The sooner you realize that (and accept it) the happier you’ll be. Whatever you achieve, someone will achieve better. However bad you did, someone will do worse. Take no notice of your inner critic and start living your life in line what you know is your authentic truth. If you want something to be different, make it different, and start right now.
2. Build an awareness of self
It’s hard to fully accept who you are and what you want if you don’t know who you are or what you want. Building an awareness of self is a great way to get more familiar with our authentic core, but it’s also a great way to start cultivatingacceptance throughout our lives. Get excited about the things you’re building like you once did. The more we increase our awareness of self, the more gems we uncover. Increase your wealth by simply getting to know who you are and by embracing how you’re feeling.
Practice some radical honesty, and take a deep dive into the core of you are. Spend some time on your own,and do it on a regular basis (daily 15 minute journalling sessions are a great place to start). Explore your feelings, your innermost desires and the things you want from your life and the people around you.
Don’t shy away from uncomfortable feelings and don’t downplay the things you want or discount them (or yourself) as unworthy. There is no such thing as wanting the wrong thing from yourself or your future, as long as it doesn’t infringe on the rights or wellbeing of another person against their will. Really search down into the core of who you are and stop running away from embracing how you really feel.
3. Take responsibility for your reactions
Our reactions play a big role in the quality of our lives and, while they alone aren’t responsible for our circumstances, they can further perpetuate the positive or negative situations we find ourselves in. We alone are in control of the way we react to this life, and when we embrace that it becomes easier to accept where we’re at and how we got there. Stop running from the fact that you have a big part to play in how your life turns out. Take responsibility for your reactions and learn how to control them, to cultivate acceptance.
Learn how to say, “I’m sorry. That was my fault. I overreacted.” Learn how to say, “I’m human. I’ve learned my lesson. I’ll do better next time.” Understand that you are the only one who decides how to react to the challenges life throws your way, and you make the decision to either let your emotions drive the car — or you call the shots and do the driving yourself.
Reacting won’t change your situation. Letting your grief and your anger and your sorrow take control won’t make anything go away. The longer we run away from the responsibility we hold for our responses to life, the longer we will find ourselves lost and the victim of our own poor choices. Stop walking away from the inevitable responsibility that is yours and yours alone. Stop giving power to situations that are both impermanent and outside of your authentic self. Take responsibility for your reactions and learn how to clap back more efficiently at life.
4. Be more grateful for what you’ve done right
Gratitude is key in shifting our perspectives and helping us to see the world in a more positive light. If you’ve been sweptup by the hardships and heartaches of life, then you might have become mired down in a negative world view that impactseverything from the opportunities you allow yourself, to the relationships that you build. The more grateful you become for your life and the good things that do exist where you’re at, the easier it becomes to accept your circumstances while still staying focused on the future and changes you want to make.
Take time each day, identify at least 10 things that you’re grateful for and spread them across a few of the same general categories. Name 2 things you’re grateful for in love, then 2 things you’re grateful for in your “work”. Next, find the gratitude in your social life, your personal life, and finally your inner life.
Think outside the box. When it comes to love you can be grateful for a partner, a spouse, or even the love you have for one of your features. With work, you can be grateful for a career, or the time you got to create something of your own that day. Likewise, it’s important to think creatively when it comes to the things we are grateful for in our social lives, personal lives and inner lives. Be grateful for your friends, your family, or being kind to a stranger that day. Celebrate the things in your life you’re grateful for and celebrate the things you do well each day.
5. Forgive, forgive, forgive
True forgiveness is not only an act, it is a state of being — one which allows us to tap back into that authentic sense of self that guides us peacefully toward the future we deserve. It’s how we fix broken things and bring new life to old things, and it’s one of the best and truest ways to heal ourselves. Forgiveness is for us as much as it is for anyone else. When we give ourselves (and others) the gift of true forgiveness, we can move past all the internalized guilt and shame from our childhoods and find our way back to the pure and lasting happiness we all need in order to thrive.
Only when we learn how to accept ourselves and the way we feel and react to the surrounding environmentcan we truly unlock the power of our authentic self-confidence. We all have our baggage and the experiences that define who we are at the moment, but that person is always changing. True happiness comes only when we learn how to accept ourselves as we are right now in this moment.
If there’s something you don’t like about yourself — make a plan to change it — but only after looking it boldly in the face and accepting it for what it is.Acceptance is the key to all change and understanding, but it is often the hardest hurdle to overcome. Only when we accept something that is within our nature can we dig into the meat of it and come up with a plan to change or transform it. Spend a few minutes each day practicing this radical self-acceptance and look to build it into your regular routine.
6. Put fear in its place
The most common reasons we so often struggle with acceptance is the seemingly limitless fears and insecurities which plague us. Our fears are a coping mechanism meant to protect us, but they drive us away from opportunities that might otherwise provide us with joy and fulfillment. The longer we allow fear to rule our lives, the further away it drags us (kicking and screaming) toward a future that is removed from self-realization and self-love. To accept ourselves — to truly learn how to love ourselves and our circumstances — we have to put our fear in its place.
Stop letting fear have control over your life. Stop allowing the “I cant’s” and the “I’m not good enoughs” to call the shots and keep you from realizing what an incredibly powerful and world-shaking person that you are. We come onto this plane with the power to change our lives, but we lose that vision with the setbacks. Take back your power and put your fear in the backseat.
Tell it that it has no place in your life, and no place in the decision-making process. Know that no matter what comes next, you have to have the strength and ability to weather the storm. Look back over your life. You alone are the person who got you to this point. Your fear didn’t bring you here. If anything, those insecurities have slowed you down. Release them back into the universe and give that pain back to the people who caused it. Take charge of your life and learn how to accept yourself through love. Love cultivated on the back of fear sent-packing, and a life lived earnestly.
Putting it all together…
By cultivating a greater acceptance of self and our circumstances in this life, we can dramatically transform both ourselves and our futures. Through acceptance, we gain a greater understanding of self as well as the things we need to thrive and feel fulfilled. If you’re struggling upstream against the hardships of life — take heart. You can find peace when you find acceptance.
Cut ties with the endless judgement and stop comparing yourself and your journey constantly to that of others. Though looking to the outside can be great for inspiration, the path that someone else has taken is hardly a roadmap for our own success. Practice some radical honesty and increase your awareness of self. What do you want from this life? Who do you want to be? You can’t accept yourself until you know these answers. Take responsibility for your actions in this life and stop playing the victim. The road to tomorrow is hard, but it’s made harder when we put ourselves on the wayside. Embrace the future that you want, be more grateful for the things you’ve gotten right and the lessons that you’ve learned along the way. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made, and get focused on the steps you need to take. You can let fear hold you back forever, or you can shield yourself in acceptance and move forward in the confidence of knowing that you’re doing the best that you can. The choice is ultimately yours.
