Crypted Tale with Chicken Sex and Dog Eating
Sounds too scary to be true
Yesterday I read an article online that scared the bejeebers out of me.
The author, a cybersecurity specialist, argued that as soon as we publish something online, even a single hateful tweet, a talented hacker could trace us and bring the debate to real life.
I was so scared that I tried to wake up my wife to hug her and bring me back to the real world. It didn’t work as she was dead asleep. She had been dead for three weeks at this point, but she wasn’t too smelly because I had kept her in the freezer at -1 degree.
This is (was) my third wife, so I don’t want to draw hasty conclusions, but, from my experience, dead wives never wake up.
I was scared and without even a dog to pet (we had eaten him for my wife’s birthday dinner last month, she had made quite a big fuss about it — she was right, it wasn’t so tasty, which is partly the reason why she ended in the freezer).
So I did what any person would do, I went upstairs to ask the neighbors for help.
“Sorry mate, we can’t help.” They said.
What could they do that was more important than comforting me? I couldn’t wrap my head around this, so I asked them.
“We’re busy having sex with the frozen chicken we bought today. That’s a Halloween tradition in our country. So, please, stop disturbing us.”
“Wait! That’s interesting! What do you do with the chicken after?”
“We eat it, of course. We’re ecologically-conscious, you know? We don’t want to waste food!” And with that, they slammed the door at my face, throwing me back to my sea of despair. Still, they had an interesting concept; I took a mental note to try it sometimes.
I had only one solution left. I didn’t like it because it could be a lot of travel, but with the neighbors busy and my wife dead asleep, what else could I do?
So, I called my favorite hacker, and the cybersecurity writer was right! She found his address in a matter of minutes, and, guess what? I got lucky; he was a mere four-hour drive from my place!
Smillew, blah blah blah, responding to Zane’s prompt, blah blah blah, follows back on Twitter (not in real life).





