COVID is Upsetting My Holiday Self-Care

How several of my holiday traditions have been upended by the pandemic.

I have written extensively about how important self-care is to mental health. And, with the onset of winter and the holiday season in full swing, there is a lot of depression and anxiety this time of year. The COVID-19 pandemic and the political situation are only exacerbating everything.

So, with everything going on, self-care is incredibly important right now. We are all doing our best to take care of ourselves and keep up our mental health as best as we can during these crazy times. Unfortunately, the pandemic has kneecapped many common forms of self-care, including a number of my personal self-care habits for this time of year.

I have a bit of a sordid history with the season that runs between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day. Having spent three decades as the introverted black sheep of an extroverted family, the holidays were always a source of dread for me. I would be expected to attend the holiday festivities — Thanksgiving at grandma’s, Christmas Eve at my parents’ house, and two Christmas Day celebrations.

Each event was inevitably loud and rambunctious, with lots of drinking and telling stories and doing the Christmas Eve White Elephant gift exchange, which I was expected to run. Usually, after two hours of this, I wanted to crawl into a hole and be alone, but my father, always the life of the party, constantly felt the need to drag me back to the center of the event.

Generally speaking, starting at Thanksgiving, my stress levels would rise steadily until Christmas Eve, where they would peak. Then, I would spend the week between Christmas and New Year’s Day feeling miserable and decompressing from the two-day party-fest. I usually took that week off from work, but never got to enjoy it.

Without going into too much detail (I talk about this elsewhere), I stopped talking to my family, which meant I stopped going to the holiday celebrations that stressed me out. The first year was spent in withdrawal, since I missed the normal traditions that I was used to. Being without my normal holiday routine, however stressful, was difficult. However, the second year was fantastic, as I experienced a sense of freedom from the old stress, and I’ve actually started to enjoy the holidays lately.

Since the separation, I have developed many new traditions and fun activities during the holidays. Thanksgiving and Christmas are now spent at a good friend’s house, where he and his family host holidays for those with nowhere else to go, and anyone else who wants to drop by. It is a low-pressure affair — you are not expected to drink or socialize the whole time, and I have spent as much as an hour away from the festivities simply decompressing from the big group of people in a quiet room.

Another holiday activity that my wife and I started is a Small Business Saturday stroll at a nearby shopping district. This particular district has many offbeat stores and fun stuff to do, including a fried chicken place we enjoy and a gourmet chocolate shop at the end of the strip where we always end the day with some chocolates. We have done this walk both with friends and alone, and it’s always a blast.

However, my most important new Christmas tradition is one that a good friend introduced me to a few years ago after I left my family. Every year on Christmas Day, we spend a few hours driving around to hospitals, police stations, and the nearby Air Force base to deliver homemade candy and cookies. As someone who considers acts of service to be one of my primary love languages, this has become a beloved tradition for me despite my only having done it twice.

Unfortunately, COVID-19 has done away with these traditions. Small Business Saturday was the first to go, as crowds and in-store shopping are a no-go during a pandemic. The Thanksgiving and Christmas parties aren’t happening, as everyone is keeping to themselves to avoid potential infections. The Saturday spent making homemade candy and decorating cookies, once a multi-person affair, is likewise gone this year.

My friend who handles the Christmas Day deliveries is doing his best to salvage that last happy thing that we do. Acknowledging that homemade foods are likely untenable during a pandemic, he has been calling around to hospitals and police stations to see if they will accept store-bought stuff. It is a last-ditch effort to save a happy tradition, and one of my last bits of enjoyable holiday self-care.

So, with no parties, no shopping day, no candy making, and holiday drop-offs at risk, several huge pieces of my holiday self-care have now fallen away, leaving me struggling this year. Add onto that an unexpected bill for a new HVAC system and a medication change, and I’ve been a bit screwy this year.

So, what am I to do about this situation? What can you do if you find yourself in a similar situation? We are all coping with the fallout from COVID-19, and everyone is struggling right now, whether from job loss or pandemic stress or cabin fever or some combination thereof. What can we all do to help ourselves?

As I described above, I’m all about acts of service. Doing things for other people makes me happy. My wife and I, along with two friends, drove 300 miles this past weekend to help a friend do some things around his house that he needed help with but nobody else was immediately available to do. That makes me happy because it made all of us happy.

For those of you who like giving gifts, this is the time of year to express it, and this year is the best time to go above and beyond. If you are able, give a little extra to your family, friends, or charity. If not, try making something — food, crafts, whatever you can — to add a bit of personal flair to your gifts.

If you are a fan of physical touch, it’s probably really hard for you right now, especially since the number of people you can interact with is likely limited or potentially nobody. Although it is not human touch, perhaps get a big stuffed animal to squeeze and cuddle. If you have a pet, give them physical attention and love. Or, find a friend who is taking similar precautions to you and is amenable and trade hugs periodically. It is incredibly hard to cope with not being able to see people, but sometimes you have to let one or two people into your circle for your mental health. Take precautions, of course, and do your best to be safe.

Quality time is another tough one. Video calls, phone calls, and chat messages can only go so far. Social distance gatherings in outdoor spaces are not ideal for many this time of year due to the cold, but if you can meet safely and distanced around a bonfire and eat a small meal together for a few hours, it can help alleviate your stress.

Words of affirmation can be managed a bit easier, as you can set up regular calls and messages to chat with loved ones. Perhaps you can start writing letters through the post, or otherwise send people random compliments and pick-me-ups. Regular communication is your friend.

I am fortunate to have a wife that I actually enjoy spending time with and four cats who are generally cuddly and friendly. I also have one small family that we share a bubble with who we see regularly to keep everyone’s spirits up, and we have seen a few other people (socially distanced) to connect and talk.

I’ve also got my writing, my job, and my hobbies to help keep me level. A friend gifted me a spoon carving kit, and I have begun playing with it and carved my first spoon last week. Overall, despite the craziness going on right now, I’m not doing too poorly.

We are all doing our best to manage during this pandemic, and I encourage you to do small things that make you happy. Do you want to leave your Christmas tree up until March? Do it. Have you kept your Halloween decorations up since you first put them out in September? We have. Do you unironically like bad Christmas movies? Watch to your heart’s content. Any small, harmless thing can be uplifting, no matter how weird or unconventional it is. This is the year for it.

This year has been a dumpster fire, and thankfully it will be over soon. The holidays are difficult for everyone this year, even (and especially) for those who love them, but there is an end in sight. Since vaccines have been approved and will begin distribution soon, we can see the light at the end of this tunnel, and now we just have to be patient until we get there.

Until then, however, we all need to keep up our self-care. Post-holiday depression is a thing, and you will need to take care of yourself after the holidays end as well. Try to find an outlet or a thing that helps keep you grounded, and do your best to power through. The end is in sight.

Stay strong — I know you can do it.