Confessions of a Desperate Writer
The things we do when we’re burned down to our wicks
It was after 6 pm in a coastal British town lathed in winter blackness. I was slouched over my desk having just published my weekly newsletter, which took hours longer than expected — as it always does.
A faint smoke greeted my cold nostrils warmly. My gaze landed on the oil burner on my right-hand mantle. It held a newly extinguished tea candle, which had tirelessly worked all day to fill the room with the sweet scent of candy cane.
Just like the candle, I too was now burned to my wick.
I had spent practically all day writing, editing, or thinking about writing and editing. My brain was scrambled eggs but there was still more work to be done. The big ‘M’ of it all. Marketing my newsletter across social media.
My desk chair might as well have been a dinghy inflated by my own desperation as I paddled toward a horizonless future. That’s what my writing career feels like whenever I remember that convincing others of my worth is probably the only way to get noticed.
A lot of us forget our worth when we enter the endless, murky ocean of online writing. We all want our dinghies to reach horizons, so we can look back at how far we’ve come.
Some of us get there sooner than others. And for some of those who haven’t got close yet, they can start to believe it’s because there’s something wrong with them.
Lack of self-belief can dictate how we run our lives — and our mouths. When our self-esteem is so low, we seek others to show us the way. We believe them because we can no longer believe in or trust ourselves.
Here’s something we all need reminding of more often than we think:
You don’t owe people a damn thing.
You owe everything to yourself.
We’re worth more than we give ourselves credit for
Working tirelessly only to have no eyeballs on your work is soul-destroying. For the amount of work we put in, we expect to reap the financial rewards or accolades we’ve come to expect.
We overlook the importance of harnessing our self-belief and choose to place value on how many people read and clap for our work.
That mindset will only turn you into my burnt-out candle.
Writing can be its own reward. It’s certainly helping me get over the lowest moment of my life. I need to remember that when things like this happen and I find myself questioning my value based on the actions of others.
Writing can be our own beacon of light to guide us through these murky waters.
We just need to remember that we’re worth more than we give ourselves credit for.
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