Medium Can Test, Wound and Heal Our Mental Health
Only you can give each action its power
The other day, I was called a bully for writing a (now deleted) Medium story after I thought another writer had deceived me.
It all started before Christmas. I’d just burned myself down to my wick having spent dawn until dusk writing, editing or obsessing over writing and editing. I was sitting at my desk, exhausted and bogged down by the big ‘M’ of being an online writer: the marketing of it all.
I really needed some help but didn’t want to appear desperate.
Suddenly, I came across this writer’s Medium post, created with the sole purpose of building a community within its blank spaces. They also had large social followings and offered to share my story with them as well as read and clap my other stories in exchange for reading and clapping theirs.
I gladly did.
Their presence was a pinhole of light piercing through the winter of my discontent and slapping me in the face. There was hope in having a support system as a writer with fewer eyeballs.
A day had gone by, and so far this Medium writer had only read and clapped one story and commented on another. No signs of sharing my story on their socials. No signs of life from the writer on the post when I enquired about it either.
It had only been one day. It was the holidays. I could have tried being patient. Yet the caverns of my skull rang alarm bells I couldn’t drown out with logic.
One thing led to another, and I wrote ‘Warning: Most “Community Builders” Only Want Their Own Backs Scratched’ — now deleted.
We were both triggered
Like many of us, I’ve had my lion’s share of being deceived and mistreated by those I’ve put my trust in. It took the majority of spending 2022 away from a lot of friendships and social situations to discover a few major things.
- I have very little tolerance for liars.
- I have no control over what others think of me.
- I’m a master of the clumsy art of jumping to defensive conclusions before knowing the others’ full stories.
- I let negative self-belief dictate my own.
The way I acted in this situation was just as much a testament to how poorly I see myself as much as I’ve learned to distrust others.
Writing the story was my feeble way to carry out some justice and bring back some control where I had none. I soon discovered this was exactly the same for the writer I had scorned.
They told me they had accepted my apology. Yet they also wrote their own story that same day about how there are “bullies and trolls” on Medium. It was a spiteful dig — and just as bad as what they accused me of doing.
It’s amazing how deeply reading a few lines of text can cut into us. As uncomfortable as it was for me, it did allow me to weigh my actions against their accusations against me. I came to a few realisations.
- A bully wouldn’t see the error of their ways and delete the story.
- A bully wouldn’t immediately apologise on Medium and then go out of their way to contact that person privately and give a longer, sincere apology.
- A bully wouldn’t go out of their way to explain where they were coming from when they wrote the original story that hurt them.
That’s because I’m not a bully.
Clearly, we were both triggered here.
I may have hurt their feelings to read but unlike this writer, I recalled all of my accusations against them. It hurts to know they still think I’m a bully and their opinion of me might never change. But what hurts the most is that I affected this person enough for them to write a story about it.
Name-calling can erode our sense of self, lead us to compromise our beliefs and values, and can permanently damage our sense of well-being.
We have a platform here on Medium. With that comes a big responsibility to use it wisely. We all need to be reminded of that from time to time.
Writing can heal us
Even though this writer lectured and then blocked me on Twitter, then chose to write a story about this experience out of spite, I can’t be hurt by it. That’s because we both agree on one thing:
everything is content.
We are each allowed to write what helps us to heal ourselves, which can often help others too.
I write on Medium because it’s where my tribe live.
I write commissions because it pays my bills.
But I write in general because it’s helping me climb out of my lowest moment and find reasons to want to live.
Everyone has their own mental health struggles that might read differently from person to person. I’m definitely not perfect. My ADHD can react passionately, sometimes without thinking things through.
It’s enlisted hindsight as my biggest mentor.
We’re all capable of reacting badly to something and spiralling into mental illness. I of all people should have remembered that.
You’re not a bad person for getting it wrong
As the title suggests, Medium can test, wound and heal our mental health. Only you can give each action its power and that’s probably the biggest struggle as an online writer.
Just remember that you’re not a bad person for getting it wrong. We all do it. All anyone can do is learn from them and move on — and sometimes have the maturity to own up to them and apologise to those we’ve hurt.
You’re not a bad person. Even if others make you feel that way.
Even if you’re certain of your negative self-beliefs, you can’t afford to give them the power.
I can’t afford to let my Black Bear sit on my chest and convince me it’s life anymore.
Are you a writer looking for your tribe? Love to read? Want full access to Medium? I got you.
