Comfortable, Uplifting, and Pretty

Is that too much to ask of bra designers?

Where does one find blissful bras?

Is it in any of the myriad of supposedly comfortable bras on the market? No. Not even in my beloved Marks and Spencer (a UK high street food and clothing retailer). Even less so in the luxury sexy provocative underwear shops. More akin to inhospitable undergarments.

One has to wonder whether some of the more mature women with fleshy padding, rather than models, are the only ones who have to wear their bras all day in mean, scratchy lace, digging in seams, and underwires. Only when they get home can they can strip the darn contraptions off and breathe a deep sigh of relief and ease their boobs into something soothing and comfy.

Sexy and Strapless Numbers

As a young woman, I splurged on all types: balcony, balconette, and plunge bras to spill out of, and tiny thongs to match. I invested in plunge, push up, and cleavage boosting padded plunge — I was a few cup sizes smaller in my twenties and thirties! Of course, all the bras had to have matching knickers.

I spent a small fortune on giving my man of the current seven-year stint the benefit of my wanting him to find me alluring. One of my favourites was from Bravissimo (a popular UK lingerie shop). It had purple and red pouty lips all over it.

When in the shop, the female assistant who came into the changing room with a selection of styles offered by Bravissimo met my bra requirements for pretty, uplifting, and comfortable.

In the shop it was fine. Turns out the supportive band that’s supposed to do most of the work in holding breasts in place worked way too hard and created a new red-raw channel around my underboob area.

From a department store, there was the Wonderbra Ultimate Strapless bra, the most incredible invention to give the forty-year-old mighty sore and grooved shoulders a much-needed respite from vicious straps.

My décolletage was memorable but the discomfort was beyond the realms of wanting to torture myself just to look sexy again in the future.

The only drawback — it wasn’t for my man — the rigid seam at the bottom of the band was fine at the start of the evening and while standing but when sitting it rested on my ribcage.

I say rested, but really it was digging in and creating weals. By the time I got home after a few hours out for a meal in a restaurant, I was ready to rip the lingerie from my body and chuck it in the bin.

Other pretty bras with lacy borders could rub my skin raw in a few hours.

Basic and Plain Bras

Basic, smooth, and unadorned T-shirt bras replaced anything sexy or lacy. But still, the shoulder pain would not abate. By my mid-forties and with no man to bother making an effort for, I decided to opt for comfort. Even what looked comfortable wasn’t.

You’ve seen the ugly pieces of beige polyamide and Elastane all in ones, haven’t you? They were all the rage on QVC. I bought one years ago. It was a complete waste of £30.

For a bust that demands E cups, the cut was flimsy and gave very little support. It also gets too hot and sticky — the unpleasant kind — because the skin doesn’t breathe too easily through polyamide!

Sports Bras

Racerbacks, I thought, would shift the problem away from the grooves and hold all the jiggly bits in place. I was right, it definitely shifted the problem. Who knew the soft cushiony pads of muscle where the straps lie would ache with resentment from the added weight and new found nagging pain?

I can’t imagine the muscled athlete above suffers when wearing her racerback sports bra.

There are many different styles of sports bras. Some are soft, yet do a super job of compressing and minimising bounce. I have a racerback one that is over ten years old, it still does the job — in short bursts, obviously!

Another is softish but accentuates with a Madonna-style cone bra which she revealed on her Blonde Ambition Tour in 1990 — admittedly less pointy and more bowl-shaped.

The moulded cups do a fabulous job of keeping boobs in place. However, anyone accidentally brushing past would think you were wearing two giant individual silicone muffin cases! I can’t believe I bought the one I have and that I still wear it every now and then. Usually when all my other bras are in the wash.

Bandeaus, bralettes, and comfy bras

Bandeau styles with or without pads for shape are cheap or even expensive nasty fabric that doesn’t breathe, doesn’t hold anything up — including itself. I think they exist only for young women with smallish perky breasts that hold themselves up and the bandeau simply gives a semblance of appropriateness when out in public.

I do adore the idea of comfy bras and bralettes and I’ve bought a couple only to have been sorely disappointed. The straps on the wonderfully soft Marks and Spencer’s one were too narrow and dug into my shoulders.

Plus, let’s face it, there’s not much in the sex appeal or pretty departments going on, is there? Ugh, what was I thinking?

The Bravissimo one I bought looked like the bee’s knees, a soft all-in-one long band with nothing to dig into the rib cage, wide straps, pretty lilac lace on the surface not next to the skin.

What could go wrong? The strap seams were placed directly on the very sore pressure points on my shoulders. I sent it back.

This Sloggi all-in-one is pretty good. No nasty seams to dig in anywhere. The drugstore assistant, in a Polish town called Czarne, took me upstairs to a tiny cupboard so I could try it on for fit. In daily life though, it gets too warm and the straps curl in on themselves and yes, you guessed it, dig into my shoulders.

What’s the solution?

As yet, other than going braless at every opportunity, there is no comfortable solution to my support problem. Soft, wide straps with no seams to needle pressure points.

Better still, no straps with a wide band that is up to the task of cupping my breasts like my hands would from below. I think most men must know what that feels like — including bra designers.

My requirements for a bra are simple:

• comfortable
• uplifting
• pretty

Come on bra designers, with the textiles and technology available today surely you can meet my requirements for the ultimate shoulder and ribcage comfort and flattering cups without surgery?

Women like myself and all others could rock a Wonder Woman breastplate made from a mouldable breathable flexible material — I Googled and found Fosshape Heat Activated Material, it’s also breathable and holds its shape.

Think Wonder Woman rather than Agent Provocateur.

The author has zero affiliation with any of the brands or stores in the story.

Thank you for reading.

Thank you to Marily Flower for her help in ensuring this article was as good as it could be before hitting publish!

Pre-pandemic Karen Madej was an English language coach. Now she writes when she’s not doing a minimum wage job to pay the bills. She’d very much like to change the way the world works because it is broken after centuries of being plundered by hetero-patriarchs.