A Love Letter to Myself
Writing what I love about myself is not an easy task.
Congratulations on getting this far. There was a blip when you thought you’d be better off out of the hell that is commonly known as life. You were thirty-two and you had seen it all, done it all, and thought that was all there was to living.
As luck would have it you managed to miss any major arteries and your boyfriend fished you out of the bath. This meant you could shred the goodbye letters you’d written to the handful of people you loved.
Well done for turning your life around in the twenty years since that joyous failure.
Your confidence to look people in the eye and smile at them makes most of them smile right back at you. Stopping for a brief moment to talk about the ever changeable Scottish weather is the highlight of a walk. On other occasions, you smile to yourself when you catch people smiling at you as you dance and sing your way around the park. You walk tall and have a certain swagger about your gait. Picture heroes rocking those long black leather trench coats when they walk down the street. Or something like that.
Do you remember those two weeks last November when you were so desperate to get that online market research interviewer job? Your stomach churned, your heart pounded, and you thought you would never be calm again. A week after surviving training and being told you were terrible (in the nicest possible very British way) by the trainer, you received your first quality assessment. You passed with encouraging comments about good energy, pace and keeping the interviewee interested enough to stay on the line. You are a people person and people like you back, keep that in mind the next time you give yourself a hard time.
Despite your nerves on the occasions when you have to perform well so you can pay your rent and eat in the next month, you do have high self-esteem in what you know and don’t know. You are not embarrassed to speak your mind on either.
Your love of mistakes made by yourself and others (mainly French English students, friends not so much — as they are all English teachers too) are seen as learning opportunities. You’ve learned from yours to not repeat what causes you pain. And you don’t feel uncomfortable stating what you do and don’t want or need.
Being everything to everyone is not your cup of tea. When that cup of tea is lukewarm and no longer tastes good it’s time to tip it down the sink. Toxic friends and family have been expelled. You stood up to them. You are not weak like your step mum told you four decades ago.
Taking charge of your life is your biggest achievement after the birth of your son.
You know the mundane is not what you crave. Routine is humdrum, so you spice your days up by embracing new experiences. Some as simple as a walk but taking a different path instead of the one you took yesterday. On a larger scale, planning to live in Portugal for three months next year is high on your agenda to find A Place to Retire. You knew you wanted to travel to as many places as you could back in 2013 when you set up that Twitter account. And in 2020 you’re figuring out how to use this form of social media!
You know and take joy from the simple pleasures in your life. Laughing or crying without inhibition. Seeing your son on the rare occasions when he’s not working. That’s unconditional love. You are so fortunate your family and friends understood when you forgot to call or send birthday cards, during the twenty years you worked ridiculous hours. And you’re so grateful you now remember to keep in touch with the most important people in your life.
As an eternal optimist, you know things will always work out in the end. There might be agony and ardour along the way but that’s how we know we’re alive, right?
You are almost where you want to be. You have not wished your life away waiting for next year when you can take your private pension. You have used your time working with people who need your skills to improve their lives. You’ve improved your skills to help them and yourself grow. Your patience and ability to deal with setbacks by finding a solution, making a plan and carrying it out, and educating yourself are showing signs of working.
You love your life and yourself and don’t feel less because you don’t need or want a man at this stage in your life.
You make the most of your own company, writing in your living room with no sound other than the ticking clock and the fridge gurgling.
You are looking forward to trying out Porto in Portugal next year. Will it be the perfect temperature to live in? Will the town atmosphere draw you in? Will the view of the town and ocean from your balcony in the morning, your cup of coffee steaming in your hand, be what you desire?
Fingers crossed your plans come to fruition. But it won’t be luck because of your determination to realise your passions.
There you go, writing this love letter to yourself wasn’t as hard a task as you thought, was it?
Bon voyage, Karen.