Shadow and the light
Chronic Negativity Is Just as Bad as Toxic Positivity
Here’s how to find the middle ground
Chronic Negativity Quenches The light
Chronic negativity is when a person always has a negative outlook on life no matter what and nothing will ever change their mind. Sunshine? It’s too damn hot! Rains? It’s too wet! Pretty flowers? Ugh, it makes them sneeze. Gratitude is the best attitude? Fuck that shit!
For the eternally pessimistic, it doesn’t matter when there’s sunshine or dark clouds, they’re always followed by a dark cloud and they want everybody around them to feel it too.
No matter what positive thing you say to them, their response is negative. Every time they come around, you know there’s something negative on their tongue. They never bear good news. Good news? There’s no such thing! Positive vibes? They want you to get far away from them with that!
The eternally pessimistic never ever has something positive to talk about and that’s a terrible place to be in.
Life sucks, yes, but there are some good things happening all around us. But if you’re always focused on the negative things, it’s all you’ll find.
Chronic negativity is extreme negativity and, like toxic positivity, that’s not normal either.
In life, there will be bad days. There will be days where we wake up in a shitty mood and nothing ever seems to go our way. We go out and are ready to blow up at innocent strangers with fumes coming out of our ears and that’s fine but if you wake up every single morning with fumes coming out of your ears, then there’s a good chance that it’s just not bad times — you’re probably just a really negative person.
When you are negative and you do it long enough, every light inside of you turns off and your heart turns dark. Then you feel nothing but doom and gloom. There’s nothing empowering in doom and gloom. It’s suffocating.
Negativity can be fun and addicting. It’s why negative headlines do so well, but negativity has consequences. It’s contagious. The more time you spend with a chronically negative person, the more you become like them. It rubs off on you.
Negativity dims your own light and also other people’s light. It brings everybody down even if the negative person thrives in it.
Life isn’t always positive, but life isn’t always supposed to be negative, either.
It’s okay to be okay.
Toxic Positivity Feeds The Shadow
Toxic positivity is the belief that no matter what you’re going through, you have to look up and nothing will ever bring you down. Burdens? It doesn’t faze you. The weight on your shoulders? It doesn’t tire you. The leech on the back of the heel? Uhm, how else would it eat?
Toxic positivity is extreme positivity, and extreme positivity isn’t normal.
Toxic positivity happens when we’re trying to prove to the world that we got our lives under control. We want the world to know that it’s all good over here and no negative vibes are allowed.
“Positive vibes only” is the motto of the eternally optimistic.
You see, it’s not toxic if you say you’re good, and you’re actually good. It’s not toxic when you’re good with the crowd and even better when the crowd leaves. It’s a problem if you have to pretend to be good all day with the crowd and when they leave, you lock yourself up in the bathroom and cry. You faked it, but you didn’t make it.
When we don’t want the world to see that we are suffering, we create a fake persona or face while our true face is all scrunched up. We put up a front for the world and neglect ourselves.
That’s a dangerous place to be in. Toxic positivity is dangerous because it feeds the shadow.
When you pretend you’re not sad or angry when you’re so sad and so angry, the sadness and the anger do not go away. Every time you repress something; it goes into the shadow.
The shadow then gets bigger and bigger until one day it rises up against you and demands you explain why you’re neglecting parts of yourself.
Toxic positivity takes many forms, and we don’t always do it to ourselves. Sometimes it’s others who do it to us. Other times, we do it to others.
It’s when you feel you can’t take it any longer and you go to talk to a friend and instead of them having compassion and just letting you vent, they tell you to look on the bright side or be positive about the situation. They shame and shut you up.
No matter who you are, life will sometimes suck and you can’t deny that fact. To deny the fact is to deny the truth. The truth is that life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows.
You can hope for sunshine and rainbows, but it comes with rains and storms and there’s not much you can do about it.
So it’s okay if you’re pissed off today and feel like cussing someone out. It’s okay if you’re sad and want to pull the covers over your head.
It’s okay that you’re not okay today.
Honor yourself and your feelings. All of it. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
It’s okay to feel what you feel. Nothing lasts forever. We must be okay when the sun comes out and okay when it leaves.
It’s good to have a positive outlook on life. It’ll help you get through life with ease and allow you to bounce back faster from situations. Positivity is a powerful force that keeps you motivated, but it’s harmful to you and others if it’s not genuine and if it invalidates how you or someone else are feeling.
It’s okay to not be okay.
Finding the Middle Ground
Too much positivity is annoying. Too much negativity is suffocating. The key is to find the middle ground. The middle ground is to feel what you feel and make sure what you feel feels good for you and others.
When you’re unhappy, it’s okay. When you’re sad, forget the world and cry. When you’re angry, it makes you human.
Acknowledge every emotion and let it teach you what it came to teach you so it can tame your shadow.
After you’ve dwelled in your negative emotion dealing with them, don’t stay there. Don’t build a home in your funk. It’ll eat your light from the inside until there’s no spark left in your eyes. Then you might as well be a robot.
Bad things are bound to happen and we won’t always feel good. The pandemic has brought about higher than normal levels of stress and anxiety and it’s normal that emotions are running high and, as annoying as it is to hear, you have something to be grateful for.
You’re alive. You could be dead. You’re breathing. You could be struggling to breathe and plugged into a ventilator. Your rent is paid. You could be facing eviction. Your stomach isn't empty. You could be starving.
There’s always something to be grateful for and if you disagree, then be careful — you’re tipping into chronic negativity.
The middle ground is to feel what you feel and make sure what you feel feels good for you and others.
We’re all stressed out, but we aren’t supposed to always feel shitty. We aren’t supposed to always be preaching the world is ending or they’re trying to kill us. Do you know what will kill you? Too much negativity. It’ll kill you before your time and it’ll do it from the inside out. It’ll take you out by surprise.
If you’re eternally optimistic and it’s genuine, hold on to your light. If it’s not genuine, it’s time to cut it out. Allow us the freedom to feel sad, mad, and bad. We’re human.
If you’re eternally pessimistic, we’re tired of always feeling mad, bad, and sad. Can we just feel good today?
