Chapter 3: Wypipo Trigger Warning

Dear Caucasians. Don’t be scurred.

You might have gathered from the subtitle of this book that racial tension in America will play some part in the story that’s about to unfold. And you can’t have a memoir by an African-American man that does not at some point (or lots of points) reference “ white privilege.”

Now, my experience and research about the use of that term have shown that many of you of Caucasoid descent in America have a very visceral reaction to hearing that term. As soon as you hear it, you shut down and shut out. Your defensiveness goes to “11” and you immediately start protesting about reverse racism, or how you grew up poor in the Appalachians. You all usually fall into one of four camps.

Camp 1: The Poor White Trash Camp

Some of you will take offense at the remark because you grew up po’ white trash and had no privileges. In fact, most Asians and blacks you’ve come into contact with were smarter, richer, and/or had way more advantages than you. So the very notion that you somehow have benefited from some kind of leftist, liberal, fairytale notion of white privilege is insulting.

To you I say, “Congratulations!” I’m happy that you have lived a life where your circumstances have yielded a level of empathy to the plight of people of color that many wypipo can never understand.

And believe me when I say, I sincerely appreciate your stance and I do not take for granted one second the fact that I grew up in the household of a doctor inherently gave me a certain level of economic privilege you did not have.

My hope is that you channel that empathy, be patient, and-for at least the period of time it takes you to read this tome, you just give me the benefit of the doubt and accept that there does indeed exist a level of privilege afforded you that transcends economic status.

In the world of Dungeons & Dragons, your alignment would most likely be Chaotic Neutral.

[Note: For the uninitiated, in the role-playing game Dungeons & Dragons (from which this memoir’s title is inspired), “alignment” is one of nine traits your character could have that dictates their ethics and actions and even what disciplines they could practice. They’re on a spectrum of good to evil, and graded as lawful, neutral, or chaotic. Using politicians as examples: President Obama would be Lawful Good, and Bernie Sanders would be Chaotic Good. Trump is most definitely Chaotic Evil, but someone like Steve Bannon would be Lawful Evil. Capeesh?]

Camp 2: The “Hey, I’m On Your Side, But…” Camp

There will be a certain segment of white people who read this that recognize white privilege exists, but still kinda feel uncomfortable inside when it’s used to describe them. There’s that part of you that understands history and what the long-term effects of hundreds of years of subjugation and disenfranchisement of an entire race of people can have on a society, even when some of the descendants of said subjugated people live a relatively successful, even “privileged” life.

But there’s still that tiny voice in you that says, “But, really? I mean, we had a black president. And I do kinda think some of it is overblown.” At the end of the day, you sympathize with your fellow people of color who deal with racial injustice, but a part of you still squirms when “white privilege” is brought up.

To you I say, “Thank you.” Seriously. Thank you for standing by and supporting people of color, even when maybe there’s a part of you that’s uncertain. That term may make you uncomfortable for any number of reasons. One of which may be that it’s a term that requires all white people to hold up a mirror, and I get that that’s uncomfortable.

Over time I’ve learned to hold up that proverbial mirror, and in that learning, I have seen where I have not always been the best ally I could, or have simply just said stupid shit.

As a man, regardless of my race, I recognize I have benefited from male privilege that may from time to time even trump (no pun intended) some of the privilege white women have. For example: I can appreciate the fact that even though Gwyneth Paltrow has millions of dollars and has seen more of the world, my privilege as a man has allowed me to avoid some horrible circumstances in life she has undergone. I offer that perspective as a possible argument to those of you in Camp #1. Just sayin’.

Over time I’ve learned to hold up that proverbial mirror with regards to gender issues, and in that learning, I have seen where I have not always been the best ally I could, or have simply just said stupid shit. I have learned to listen, and in turn, have broadened my appreciation for the plight of women. So I thank you for doing the same.

Alignment: Neutral Good or Chaotic Good

Camp 3: “F*ck You! I No Longer Need to Feel Guilty for Being White”…

(or, the “I didn’t enslave you or make you sit in the back of the bus” Camp)

Next, there is that group of you sick and tired of being made the villain all the time. You’re sick and tired of black people always pulling the race card. You’re sick and tired of Affirmative Action. And you’re sick and tired of self-righteous liberals (white and black) who refuse to see that this is 2020. We’re not living in the ’60s anymore.

The election of Donald Trump has emboldened you. The words of Ben Shapiro and Jordan Peterson inspire you. Black people have just as much privilege as whites—maybe more! (Did I already mention your disdain for Affirmative Action?)

But trust me on this: if you think you’re tired of hearing us complain, we’re exponentially more tired of the experiences about which we’re complaining. So, you have a ways to go.

To y’all wypipo, all I can say is, if you’re actually reading this book, I commend you. You’re most likely not the kind of wypipo who would pick up a book like this. For purposes that will be revealed later, I am not yet prepared to call you out or say anything to you I really want to say. So, suffice to say, if you’re at all interested in learning what I really want to say, you’re gonna have to grin and bear it. Just have fun with it. Even if you think everything here is total bullshit, I bet you’ll still enjoy the ride.

Alignment: Straight-up Chaotic Evil son (some of you are probably smart enough to be Lawful Evil. I’m talkin’ a very select few.)

Camp 4: Woke White Knights

The 4th and final camp of white people are those of you who are not just woke, but you’re genuinely interested in knowing how you can help fight the good fight. You recognize your privilege, and like the Force, you want to use it for the powers of good. You’re smart and self-aware enough to know that the term “white privilege” isn’t in and of itself a bad thing. Some of you even walk through life with a metaphorical cat-o-nine tails, whipping yourselves for the guilt and shame you feel for the hundreds, nay, thousands of years your kind has wrought death and destruction on the world.

To you I say, there, there now. Don’t be so hard on yourselves. Me and my kind “see you” (and by “see” you, I mean in a Na’vi, oel ngati kameie sort of way). We appreciate your wisdom, compassion, empathy, and desire to help unify the races of this world and make so many wrongs right. You will no doubt have the most fun reading this book.

You are the white knights of the world, and as the only good part of Season 8 of Game of Thrones showed us, both men and women can bear the term “knight,” take up their Valyrian swords of justice, and help join me and others in fighting the onslaught of white walkers making their way ‘cross these good lands.

Alignment: Neutral Good, Lawful Good, or Chaotic Good

If you’re a white person who’s reading this book, whichever camp you fall into, I appreciate you taking this journey with me. I genuinely mean that.

Speaking of white knights, there’s something else “white” I need to address. Something that could possibly obliterate all my black cred! .

Be sure to follow this publication to be notified when the next chapter goes online. Visit Dungeons-n-Durags.com to learn more about the book.

Next chapter

Previous chapter