Caution: Narcissist Blocked. How to Handle Unwanted Connection Requests.
When no-contact to the narcissist means work harder to contact.
You’ve finally done it. You’ve gone no-contact. It was hard.
There’s a part of you that still wants to believe the narcissist can change, that’s hoping you misinterpreted things, or that they’ll realize how much they hurt you.
Heck, there’s a part of you still hoping for an apology, an acknowledgement of you, your relationship, and the value you brought to it.
You want a relationship with their idealized self, the one you fell in love with, the one who love bombed you, the one you saw yourself growing old with. Your mind knows that’s not possible, but your heart is not so sure.
If the relationship is over, you also want closure. You want to know you mattered. You want them to know they mattered. And part of you wants them to know they blew it.
So, when I say going no-contact was hard, I mean it was excruciatingly hard. It took every bit of strength you could muster, but you did it.
Now, the narcissist has created a new social media account and sent you a connection request.
What does this mean?
Look, I know it can be frustrating, confusing, crazy-making. Here you were, trying to heal and move on, and now they’ve got your attention again.
It took you days, weeks, or months to stop thinking about them.
Why do narcissists do it? They want to feel the power of being in your head.
The time you’re spending thinking about this, wanting to understand, pondering what to do is understandable, AND it’s exactly what the narcissist wants.
They want you to think about them. That makes them relevant. And the last thing in the world they wants is to be irrelevant.
Here’s the thing that matters…
You cannot control another person’s behavior. They have the ability to make as many Facebook accounts as they wish — until Facebook catches on and bans them for violating terms.
They have the ability to call your phone, text, send WhatsApp messages, and stop by your house (unless you have a restraining order).
There is nothing you can do to change their behavior. If there was, you’d have done it already and still be in contact.
You do have the extraordinary ability, however, to control your behavior.
You can block their phone, email, and social media accounts. If they make a new account, you can choose not to accept the friend request, respond to the email/message, or answer the call. You can choose not to engage.
That’s powerful.
A connection request from a toxic person you’ve removed from your life is not any different than the requests you get from the person with one photo from an account made last week — attractive man in military uniform or surgeon garb with a dog if you’re a woman. Attractive half-naked woman if you’re a man. It’s spam. Delete the request or report it and move on.
You also have the ability to not let them get to you, to truly become indifferent.
This takes some healing and some practiced skill, but it is possible.
The most precious thing in life is this present moment.
Is this moment best spent thinking about the narcissist or healing and moving forward?
Disclaimer: This answer is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical or legal advice. It’s a recount of how I’ve been able to help myself and others heal from narcissistic abuse and how it may be helpful to you.
Dr Melissa Kalt, MD is a trauma and covert narcissistic abuse expert who helps high-impact women break free from the longstanding after effects of narcissistic abuse. Download her free risk-assessment guide, 3 Hidden Financial Risks Every High Income Woman MUST Avoid While Coparenting with a Covert Narcissist and find information on working with her on her website.
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