Casual Relationships Don’t evolve
They either stay as they are or they fall apart.
It's an awful feeling to hold on for things “to develop”.
Yes, there is always an exception to the rule, nevertheless, for the most part, casual relationships don't prosper into committed partnerships.
Remember the saying: why buy the cow when you can drink the milk for free?
Putting things in context
-First Scenario Let's say you have been casually seeing someone for a few weeks now.
When you started going out with this individual, you probably didn't think much of it, you were simply going with the flow, not only that but your “new partner” also told you he is not looking for a relationship and at the time you didn't think you would want one either, so you let things be.
Fast forward 10 or 12 weeks and the casual arrangement hasn't changed. He clearly wants to keep it light, and you now know that you want to have something more defined.
-Second scenario You are aware that you want a relationship and so you meet this terribly attractive and emotionally unavailable guy, he tells you he doesn't want anything serious.
You are super into him, and he happens to like you too! You agree to keep things casual because who knows he might change his mind once he gets to really know you, right?
The whole time you are dating him you keep your fingers crossed, you keep your expectations low, you are the “cool girl”, you wait for the day when he tells you he wants you to be his one and only. — When is that day going to arrive?
Unfortunately, you can’t force someone who totally doesn’t want to be in a serious relationship to suddenly want one — and that is one of the hardest relationship lessons anyone has to learn.
Cease the waiting and the overthinking. Stop trying to guess where you stand in his life.
If you’re unhappy with keeping things undefined, don’t assume he is aware of your feelings.
If this arrangement isn’t working for you anymore, then you need to speak up and express how you feel.
And if he tells you he is not ready, if he doesn't want to be on the same page, if he doesn't want to define things, then this is where you need to let him go.
Anyone who doesn’t choose you can not possibly be meant for you.
“If they say they want casual and you want more, say so, because trying to use casual relationships as a back door route to a ‘proper’ relationship will backfire spectacularly.” — Natalie Lue
Frankly, if he wanted to be with you, then he would be with you. He would put in the effort, he would make time for you, he would want to make you happy.
And when that isn't the case you will feel like a second thought, you will feel he is placing you in his back pocket, you will find yourself stuck in a sea of uncertainty.
Casual dating isn't wrong, however…
I don’t think these types of arrangements are necessarily bad or “toxic ones”.
For instance, if you are in one and you are absolutely sure that this is what you want and your partner tells you that he is on the same page, then cheers, honestly that's great.
Nevertheless, I am aware many of us believe that we can handle these completely unsatisfying relationships hoping that eventually, things will shift.
And in reality, that hardly ever happens.
I've been in that position and it hurt so much. Being in that weird dating limbo hurt me big-time.
I remember clearly my heart breaking while I was on a date with Mr.Unavailable when he said:
— …Yes because we are friends…
FRIENDS!!!? — I thought to myself, after three months, I believed things were progressing, and after all this time he thinks we are friends.
I don’t sleep naked with my friends, I don’t look at my friends the way I looked at him, and I certainly don’t touch my friends as I touched him.
My heart broke once more when I finally had the courage to leave him and he confessed he had been seeing someone new during two previous weeks.
To Conclude
The whole point of the post is:
Casual relationships almost never turn into committed relationships.
They either stay as they are and frequently you start receiving less than what you were getting at the beginning or/and ultimately they fizzle out.
I am well aware it's hard deciding to let go of someone that we truly really like, but you deserve to know where you stand.
You are worth more than games and uncertainty.
Men reveal themselves in their actions and if they are not defining the relationship after months of dating, then they are not going to.
It’s true that we teach people how to treat us, and if you are not getting the treatment that you want, then you might have to walk away.
Remember if you do, he can always try to chase you down and ask you for a second chance. If he doesn’t you didn’t lose anything, you actually saved time.
Go where you are celebrated. Know your worth. ❤
