Can There Be Too Much Togetherness
If you live with other people, there certainly can be
Over the past few weeks, I’ve written two articles about my experience and thoughts living with grown children and one of their spouses. Needless to say, it has been difficult.
In the follow-up story, I continued my thoughts and what resulted from sitting down with them and having a heart-to-heart conversation. We worked things out and they now have a plan to move out on their own by the end of July (when our current lease is up).
This, however, is not what this article is about per se. Instead, it is about the revelation that I had having come out of a two-week battle with COVID-19. All six adults in the house had it so we were all quarantined together in a 1,900 sq. ft. house.
Original Story:
Follow-up Story:
What did I discover during quarantine (Hint: something I probably already knew)
Let me tell you, the experience of being quarantined for two weeks with six other people 24/7 was eye-opening and highlighted what the real problem was that prompted my previous articles. We are living too close together.
Sure, humans are communal creatures, but sometimes, when there is no escape, it can result in catastrophe.
One day, about a week and a half into our quarantine, my son and my youngest daughter almost came to blows. I don’t mean this figuratively, I mean it literally. Voices were raised to their maximum level and pushing and shoving was occurring.
The problem involved their dogs and was so minor that under normal circumstances wouldn’t have been an issue, but with everyone on edge and with this much “togetherness” it erupted into a physical confrontation.
It was so bad in fact that I had to step between them to prevent someone from getting hurt. Honestly, it could have been me that got hurt, and as angry as they were they probably wouldn’t have even noticed.
As of this moment, they are still not on speaking terms. This bothers me, though they are probably better off not speaking to each other until they can do it civilly.
My wife who got the worst of COVID and is still not well more than 3 weeks in, doesn’t want to be around any of them. Not simply because she doesn’t feel well, but because anything she says to them is greeted with either dismissal or irritation.
As a result, she hides in the bedroom just to avoid having to interact with them more than she has to. In a way I guess I don’t blame her, at some point you just get tired of fighting.
So far, I’ve managed to remain like Switzerland and be neutral. I really am too tired to fight with anyone. It’s not worth the time or energy it would take and in the end no one would come out the winner.
So did I learn anything from all this dysfunction
The bottom line is this: YES, there really can be too much togetherness. We all have different personalities, interests, and levels of tolerance that go into making us who we are. Differences in these things may at times be incompatible among different individuals and this is when clashes occur.
What makes this worse is that we really do love each other and only wish each other the best, but this situation has brought out the worst in all of us.
Had it there never been a pandemic none of this frustration would exist and we would be much happier for it. That however, is not the reality we live in. The pandemic did and is happening and all of us, me included, must adjust to this new world we live in.
Things at home are getting better. It has been far less drama-filled than it had been over the past couple of weeks.
Now that we are back to being COVID-free, whatever time we can spend apart will certainly help to ease tensions. I’m planning to be outside as much as possible this weekend. Not only will it be good for my health, but it also will allow me some time to work in solitude.
I can’t wait.
Until next time…
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