CHALLENGE

Bruce’s This or That: St. Patrick’s Day Edition

Have you the Irish in you, or are you full of blarney?

Well, lads and lasses, we’re not far from our favorite Irish holiday, St. Patrick’s Day. So it’s time for a wee challenge to you all. But fear not. You’ll find no snakes here. Saint Patrick rid our green-laden land of them. But it would be best if you still were careful of the leprechauns. Some can be quite nasty. Now we’re off for some wee fun.

The gauntlet has been cast down. Are you game?

1 Boston or New York City? Both have a grand history with the Irish, but the first St. Patrick’s Day was held in Boston in 1737. We weren’t even the USA back then!

2 Green beer or any beer? It’s Saint Patrick’s Day. It has to be green beer — NOT. I realize it’s food coloring, but why tamper with a good beer? Give me an IPA or a stout. I’ll be happy.

3 Corned beef or Irish stew? Corned beef and cabbage are my go-tos on St. Patrick’s Day — or at least St. Patrick’s Day weekend. I’ve nothing against Irish stew. I should probably learn to make one.

4 Parade or pub? The parade in Boston is usually packed, and so are the pubs. Heading to a pub after the parade is probably the smart bet. The crowds have dissipated, and it’s fun to enjoy dinner with someone special.

5 Irish coffee or Irish whiskey? There’s whiskey in both. It’s hard to go wrong unless you prefer your whiskey undiluted. I like to drink my whiskey neat.

6 An Irish lass or lad, or a pot of gold? Pffft. With enough gold, you won’t need to search for a partner. They might even play with your leprechaun.

7 Riverdance or Flashdance? Yeah, I know Flashdance isn’t Irish, but it works for me. I’ve never seen Flashdance (shocking!), not so much as a YouTube clip.

8 Irish Soda Bread or Irish Guinness Brown Bread? I’ve had both and can attest that you need at least a gallon of water (or any beverage) to choke down a piece of soda bread. Yeah, I’ve heard it’s supposed to be moist (hmmm, moist), but I’ve only come across soda bread that reminds me of the Sahara Desert. Brown bread, on the other hand, is a perfect companion for Irish stew (or any stew) and a Guinness beer. Funny how that works, hey?

9 Claddagh Ring or traditional engagement ring? The Claddagh ring is a symbol of love and friendship, and it’s often worn as a wedding ring. A traditional engagement ring offers the promise of marriage to the wearer.

10 Four-leaf clover or Lucky Charms? Finding a four-leaf clover is like finding a needle in a haystack. Except you might not prick your finger. The chances of finding a four-leaf clover are about one in 10,000. And if you do find one, Get your ass to the nearest gas station and buy a damn lottery ticket. Clearly, you’ve been living a friggin’ righteous life.

If you’re lucky enough to find a box of Lucky Charms, pour some in a bowl, add milk, and sit down to watch Saturday morning cartoons. And they don’t cost as much as a ring. And it’s still as good as winning the lottery.

If you’ve read this far, thank you for stopping by.

I accept tips, which go directly to Dining for Hunger, a recognized 501(c)(3) organization that looks to end food insecurity. If you can spare a dollar or two, I’d be grateful.

More stories from Bruce Coulter.