Changing Times

Breaking Point, or Turning Point?

Let’s all hope it is the latter

I read a great story the other day by Sherry McGuinn that shared her angst about all the current events and mused about what it takes for a person to simply break.

Her observation was, “The people in the streets, in cities around the country, have broken down. The evidence is right in front of our eyes.” She then wondered what it would take for the rest of us to follow suit?

How far away are we, as a society, from total chaos? How far away, as individuals, from snapping and doing something that will irreversibly and profoundly impact us moving forward?

Those are good questions, and I thank you Sherry for posing them and soliciting others for their thoughts on the matter. I knew that I had a response and answer immediately; I just didn’t know what it was. I felt it but couldn’t articulate it.

It took me a few days to figure out the words so that I could write them down and share. For what it is worth, Sherry, to me that is the mark of a good story. Something that brings out the emotion in a person and leaves them without words. So, kudos for smacking that nail on the head!

You are right. These are unprecedented times, and yet we have lived through some things like this in the past. It is hard to believe that it is almost 19 years since 9/11. This is the first time since then that I can remember portioning off the things I see and hear about what is going on and purposefully processing them slowly, one piece at a time.

That was my reaction to planes hitting the world trade center and killing 412 emergency workers, 343 of them doing the exact same job I did at the time. I couldn’t reasonably take it all in and then be able to function at my job or any other part of my life. So, my autonomic response was to wall it off and then work through bits and pieces as I had the bandwidth to do so.

I find myself doing that now with current happenings. I am largely setting aside the angst and ire that is fed by what seems to be the irrational behavior of so many in this county, including its leaders. Then, a piece at a time, I dissect, analyze and process the information. That seems to be the way I best deal with overwhelming waves of disturbing information flying at me like locomotives.

It might come from years of being a firefighter. It didn’t do anyone any good if I was caught up in a moment when what I needed to be doing was stopping someone’s bleeding, doing CPR, treating a burn, or putting water on a fire.

I couldn’t afford to notice the backdrop of poverty and filth the patient was living in, or the obvious domestic abuse that caused the injury, the empty booze bottle in the totaled car, or the neglect and cruelty that humans cast upon each other. There wasn’t time for that in the moment, it always had to wait for later.

And later always came. If I was lucky, I could work through those things by talking with my coworkers or a counselor, and largely just by treating myself well. That means eating healthy, getting enough sleep, exercising, finding time to recreate and be with family and loved ones, as well as practicing gratitude.

Sometimes the crappy stuff piled up faster than I could process it. And sometimes I wasn’t very good about treating myself well. I don’t think I am unique in this regard at all. We all sometimes get caught up in the negative and forget about the basics that will help us through the tough times.

But there is a definite correlation between when I do treat myself well and how quickly and efficiently I can process mounds of undesirable and objectionable crap when it comes my way.

I guess that is a long-winded way to say that somewhat unconsciously I have conditioned myself to focus mostly on things that I can control during times of crisis. When I get really overwhelmed my response is to narrow my focus down to the simplest level.

Retired Navy Admiral William McRaven gives an excellent speech that begins, “If you want to change the world, start off by making your bed…” (Link below). The first time I heard that it resonated completely with me because that is how I have learned to cope with the overwhelming.

If you make your bed when you get up, you get a little boost or sense of accomplishment. If you make your bed, then you can put on clothes and tennis shoes. Once you lace up your shoes, you can go for a morning walk. Once you go for a walk, you can make coffee and sit down and write something. Once you write something, you can tackle some household chores. And so on.

So go my days.

I can’t control the fact that bad actors have used peaceful protests as an excuse to riot and loot. I can’t control the fact that our president is pouring gasoline on a country aflame (in many places literally). I can’t control what peoples’ perceptions are of one another, or even whether someone is wearing a mask in the supermarket or not. Those things are out of my circle of control.

What I can do is get up and make my bed. Then I do all the other things that I can control. When things are overwhelming, I concentrate on the next piece that I can control. Then, in between the things I can control, I allow myself to process small bits of information. I talk with my wife and friends. I process many thoughts when I walk each morning.

I eat the elephant one bite at a time.

There isn’t anything profound or original about my approach. I suspect many might take this tack. I am sure others have different methodologies. I think that was what your ask was, Sherry, to share our varied methods to get a sense for how we all deal with adversity. This is mine.

So, what does that matter? Why is it of any significance how I keep from falling into some abyss, or breaking? I don’t kid myself that I am changing the world with what I write, or by making my bed or mowing the lawn.

But I can say that I am not adding to the problem. That by taking care of my own “stuff”, I don’t force someone else to do it on my behalf. It may seem small, but I think it is important. Especially when we multiply that by thousands and even millions of people.

Millions of people taking care of their own stuff, allows enough societal bandwidth to deal with the fallout from those that don’t. I believe firmly that there is a tipping point where there is no more bandwidth to accommodate. That is where we descend into chaos, and I think we could be as close as ever.

But I can’t control our collective position relative to chaos. I can only control mine. And perhaps provide a calming enough influence, or maybe just a kind ear or compassionate shoulder that is what allows someone else to do the same.

So, that is how I get through, and how I deal. Like I said, perhaps not special or profound, but it works for me and that is what counts.

I don’t think I have seen anything else yet from others tagged in your post yet, but I would love to. So, if you haven’t written anything yet, please tag me: P.G. Barnett, Joe Luca, Chris Hedges, Desiree Driesenaar, Gurpreet Dhariwal, Jan M Flynn, Kevin Buddaeus, Kim McKinney, Rasheed Hooda, Stephen Sovie, Marla Bishop and Caroline de Braganza

Thanks for reading.

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Timothy Key spent over 26 years in the fire service as a firefighter/paramedic and various fire chief management roles. He firmly believes that bad managers destroy more than companies, and good managers create a passion that is contagious. Compassion, grace and gratitude drive the world; or at least they should. Follow me on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter, and join the mail list.