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Breaking News: Medium Finds Starving Fiction Writers in Basement
Writers survived for months on discarded drafts
Tuesday, 25 January 2023, San Francisco. A routine fire inspection at Medium’s headquarters in San Francisco revealed a group of starving fiction writers in a forgotten section of the tech company’s basement.
An unnamed spokesperson, identified through his company badge as Intern #2, confirmed earlier rumours of the incident and expressed the company’s regrets while emphasising Medium had been unaware of the fiction writers locked in their basement.
“We refurbished the basement a few months ago to create a more appealing villain lair for our almighty and mysterious algorithm. Nobody knew the writers were illegally crashing there. They were out of view … like their stories.”
Emergency physician Dr Jackanapes, one of the first responders at the scene, said the survivors were traumatised but in good health. “There are clear signs of malnutrition, but luckily, they had old discarded drafts to chew on. They will fully recover physically. To what extent they will recover psychologically is harder to determine. We rarely know with fiction writers how crazy they were in the first place.”
Asked about how Medium would deal with the situation, Medium’s spokesperson clarified that the company had already granted each writer 50 claps under the worst-performing story. The rediscovered basement section will be refurbished as a lounge to draw in the Guin Z, genetically modified guinea pigs responsible for recent glitches on Medium’s website.
The spokesperson refused to answer further questions, saying he was expected to continue his important work in the copyroom.
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About The Kraken News — Writing Prompt by Bradan Writes Stories:
💯 Story Challenge — News Edition (12/100)
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