Brave hearts speak

I’ve only just learned to really relax and be at ease from moment to moment and with this immediately came a flow of positive things “just happening” that have been personal to me. It has been with pleasure and astonishment, that things are nicely falling into place for me now, from as simple as looking for something that I misplaced and finding it quickly, to having the confidence to share here on Medium.

People have described me as being highly-strung or tense and this has not been a criticism, but a thoughtful observation from those I respect. We are all of different personalities with our own batch or set of character traits, and those, like me, who pay attention to detail and like to be super organized and to have plans and meet them, can easily get stressed out by little things not going according to “normal”.

So imagine if you have had horrific things happen in your life-time and have had to put up a wall or a barrier against getting hurt or possibly getting hurt, even if it is your pride; and you tense up perpetually. Once when I was in my early twenties, a kind massage therapist said to me that if I didn’t stop being so tense, that it would wear me out and there would be trouble for me later. Even taking this on board, it was still obvious to the perceptive few — friends and health professionals — how uptight that I was as the years rolled by.

When I was a child my parents made me read by speaking the written words out loud — by whispering them. I felt this was not at all natural and didn’t want to, but I got used to it, although I felt that it was weird because no other child that I knew did this. Of course, they read with their eyes. My parents imposed this upon me, their inter-country adopted child, because they thought it would be “good for me” and that I would only learn a foreign language by saying the words out loud.

Here is the “kicker”. When I joined their family I was only 15 months old, a baby, and it is not as though I was born talking Chinese. Sometimes the best intentions go astray, this one was downright weird. Imagine when I was at Primary School at some time having to learn to read by scanning the pages with my eyes. It took a huge effort for me to stop whispering the words as I read. I would even whisper them when I was out in public places, to the amusement of people around me. I had a love / hate relationship with words a little, because I really didn’t like having to whisper the words from books, but the promise of salvation and the universe held in books was a huge boost for me.

The whispers remained. My personal story has been fraught with shadows and frightening whispers of don’t do this or that or else, and just as damaging, my own self whispering to me that I was stupid and not worthwhile.

My personal story can be read at the page below. With a huge lack of self-confidence, lack of self-belief and self-love, I became like a frightened rabbit (born in the Year of the Rabbit and have 4 planets in Virgo) and clammed up. I love words and reading and writing, and I am not deaf and dumb or mute. I speak and my oral ability is up to par, but was it and is it?

I have noted that people who have had tremendous confusion and fright in their childhoods and earlier years, tend to mumble and not maintain eye contact. I don’t do this but I have been guilty of not opening my mouth fully and speaking firmly and confidently — until now. Having worked on my wounds consistently and over many years, I have had a break-through and against the odds, I now speak out loudly, firmly and confidently — now fueled by the conviction that I have a right to be heard and a right to speak out loud.

You wouldn’t think that the nice normal looking person that you meet or see somewhere, that whispers something to you or tentatively talks to you may be unconsciously limiting themselves by not letting full sounds out for fear of reprisals. Maybe you think that she is just shy or nervous or having a bad day or doesn’t want to engage with you. But consider the possible causes, especially if you engage with this person often and they always speak so quietly that you can’t even make out half of the words that they say.

Some badly scarred people don’t even speak out clearly even when they are among friends, the pain and the confusion has run that deep. The immediacy of the communication or the fact that someone is right there, within a few feet of them, maybe listening and judging them, and maybe ready to pounce on them, is frightening.

Everyone needs gentle encouragement to speak out loud and to be understood, so if you meet someone like this or you are someone who is too scared to talk out loud clearly and confidently, please take a step back. Look at yourself as a survivor whom has come out against the odds and as someone whom is safe and thus “allowed” to speak out loud.

It takes a lot of bravery to make your presence felt by speaking out aloud, and self-love is essential, so work on really loving yourself, for example, through using rose quartz and surrounding yourself with pink light while meditating (focusing on a point of light or a sound) for 15 minutes or 30 minutes; and / or taking on other self-caring activities. There is help available, so please find help or ask for help from trusted sources if you want it.

On a daily basis, relax and be at ease, the past has passed and the World truly is your oyster (tap into the field of potential). If you like yourself, you will feel confident enough to talk out like you mean it, not whisper your feelings and wishes away into the dark.

If you got through a traumatic life and have recovered or are on the way to recovery, I applaud you and I love you. Your courage has been tested and you have it within you to speak out and to show yourself in all good ways, for you.

Brave hearts speak. You deserve a break from locking yourself away from Life, by speaking out clearly, firmly and confidently, saying exactly what you want to say.

Thanks for reading. Here are some other Stories you may be interested in.