Beware of Sweet Nothings: When They Just Want to Get into Your Pantaloons
When f@*k boys were called rakes
Fuck boys are nothing new. The term may be somewhat recent but that type of guy is not a new phenomenon.
Once we called them Cassanovas or rakes. We called them users. Scum. Depends on how bad they did you dirty and/or your vocabulary range.
These were men that would say or do anything to get into your pants.
Literature is littered with numerous examples of them. A woman defending her virtue is an incredibly common trope.
While the perils of female virtue are not nearly as dire as they once were (or at least not as widespread), women today nonetheless regularly must fend off these Lotharios.
Be a woman on a dating app and you will see.
While these days some men issue the not very eloquent “DTF?” but trust me, smooth-talking liars still abound.
I am rereading Gustave Flaubert’s Madame Bovary.
If you are not familiar with this 1856 French novel, I will attempt to give a short summary (potential spoiler alert!).
Madame Bovary tells the tale of Emma Bovary, a provincial French girl raised on sentimental novels (if you don’t know, the consumption of novels by women was once considered potentially detrimental to the minds of young women. I am guessing Flaubert at least partially bought into this mode of thinking).
She marries the dimwitted Charles Bovary and finds herself quickly bored. The reality of married life is nowhere near as interesting as those silly romance novels have led her to believe.
To alleviate her boredom and more importantly to get the excitement and romance she so ardently desires, she has illicit love affairs. She doesn’t quite get caught but her deceitful ways catch up to her.
As with most fallen women, things do not end well for Emma.
Super spoiler alert: she dies and symbolically, she dies by her own hand.
Currently, I am a little bit past the part where Emma meets up with and is taken in by the rakish Rodolphe. This is the man who initially leads Emma to her first fall.
Rodolphe, like the typical rake, sees in Emma a sexual conquest. She is a challenge for him, especially since up until that time, she played the part of the virtuous wife.
He cares nothing for her. He just wants to seduce her and get into her pantaloons. She will be just another name on his list of conquests.
In his wooing, he leads her to believe that he loves her. Of course, he does.
Why on earth would this woman compromise herself for anything but love? A woman’s sexual virtue and her faithfulness were directly related to her moral character
(I wish I could say that this was an outdated idea but alas, slut shaming still exists, doesn’t it?)
Rodolphe tells her that they are fated to be together by a mystical destiny. The stars are properly aligned. Oh, there has been no other love like this!
He totally bullshits her.
She takes the bait and off come her pantaloons.
Eventually, he leads her to believe that they will run away together. She begins to have ideas, very romantic and possessive ones.
Naturally, he drops her like a hot potato because well, she is no longer any fun for him now that he has had her.
In true 19th century fashion, once rejected, Emma becomes ill with “brain fever.” She recovers, tries to turn a new leaf but the allure of a passionate double life is too great.
Enter Leon and bring on the fall!
I guess some of us ladies (and maybe men?) have met at least one Rodolphe.
Maybe he wasn’t as rich or well-spoken, but he whispered those sweet nothings in our ears. Maybe he did so after only knowing us for a very short while and God help us, we believed him.
It is kismet! They will never leave! They want to stick around for forever! They may even say they LOVE you! It is all terribly exciting, isn’t it?
Long story short: it is love bombing.
Then it all ends.
They ghost you. They give you the slow fade. They backtrack on their words. You have misunderstood what they meant.
They are a Rodolphe.
They have decided to move on to someone else because someone else is inevitably more enticing. Maybe they just aren’t self-aware. Maybe they believed their own words but on second thought, this has moved a little bit too quickly.
Whatever the case may be, they suck, don’t they?
Is it all their fault though?
Emma was a perfect target for Rodolphe, and Flaubert has little sympathy for her. She is too caught up in idealized and melodramatic notions of romance and love.
If you don’t know it already: Don’t be Emma. It doesn’t end well for her
At some point, maybe it is inevitable that we have to be Emma at least once. Maybe we have to be Emma multiple times before we really learn our lesson.
Did Flaubert write Madame Bovary as a warning of the dangers of romance novels on the young female mind? It sounds extremely misogynistic in a way.
And yet, one of the reasons that this 1856 novel is still a compelling read today is that it is so entirely relatable.
I have read this book too many times to count. I have a beautiful (to me) 1947 hardback copy of it. I treasure that book and count it among my favorite novels of all time.
I relate to Emma, not just because of the fuck boy experience (naturally I have had my share of encounters with them) but because of the damage wrought by these fantastical romantic notions that society sells, especially to girls.
Love does not conquer all.
Your identity is not built around a man. Your self-worth is not dependent on your relationship status.
Be careful who you give your heart.
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