Being in Silence is The Best To Do When You Don’t Know What to Say

Hard times come in the most unexpected way

We will never be prepared for receiving bad news, that’s for sure.

So far during the last month, I received three terrible news which would low any spirits, as it lowed mine.

1. A friend told me that our dad’s friend passed away due to COVID-19
2. My friend told me he is recently fighting against cancer
3. My cousin told me she broke up with her boyfriend.

These three events left me speechless. Each news made me feel sad, pain and sorrow in quite a different way. It also made me feel that awkward moment when you don’t know what to say.

Would it be nice if I say: Oh, I’m sorry for your loss. In Spanish, we say Lo siento (I feel it). — When happily, I haven’t had such a big loss. Wouldn’t it be a lie? Do you think that my friend would feel better?

Or what about to answer to my friend: ‘Come on! Everything will be fine! Is this a potential encouraging answer? — I don’t think so.

Would it be prudent to answer with irony? For example: So good he left you! He doesn’t deserve someone like you! — Probably not.

In my particular situation, I don’t like to say what “is supposed to be said”. My recipient will listen to the same thing over and over again.

Silence is better than unmeaning words. Pythagoras

Hugs express what we feel better than words

That’s what I have recently learned while attending funerals. — Last year there were 5 losses in my family due to different circumstances.

Expressing your kindness and support through silence is the best thing you can do when you are speechless.

A lot of people are receiving bad news through a WhatsApp message, a Zoom conference or by phone due to COVID-19, like myself. I mean, bad news about the virus and due to the social distance.

Here is what I learned from receiving this recent bad news and from the last year

• First I recognized that I didn’t know what to say. Not as an affected person, not a touched one.
• Affected people usually don’t pay total attention to encouraging words. They are feeling dizzy with the overwhelming situation they are going through.
• We all love to feel love and support and this is exactly what is expected from you.

Checking into my friends became an overwhelming task. I was afraid to ask: How are you? And then listen: I’m fine which probably wouldn’t be true. Also, we are not strong enough to bear a contrary answer: I’m not doing well, for example.

How to start a conversation to check into the wellness of your loved ones?

Don’t overwhelm yourself with this. As I mentioned before, affected people want to feel love and support. Then: show it!

• Don’t focus much on the current situation
• Create a peaceful atmosphere.
• Be patient

Moreover: have a quotidian talk, as simple as that.

Also, be patient. Either for listening to the same story for hundredths of times, or for listening for the first time.

And if you don’t have something to say, remain in silence. Silence, as Pythagoras said, is better than unmeaning words. I’ll take this as an advantage and stop here. You will know what to do, I’m sure.

I really hope that you and your beloved ones are doing well. Please stay safe and take care of others by taking all the measures.

Glad Sea.-