He Broke Her Heart and She Broke Mine
Recently one of my beloved ones had a broken heart because her boyfriend left her. She started telling me the whole story and it appeared to be a discussion that went beyond. I thought they just needed time to fix their broken hearts but the more she told me, the more my heart was also crashing. What are you supposed to say when your beloved one is going through a breakup? I just said: — Time will fix it all.
She is a family member, a friend and a partner in crime since we were kids. I love her and I couldn’t stand reading her messages about a man who didn't appreciate her as much she deserved and as much as I do without feeling sorrow.
Here are the phrases that crashed my heart and my hypothetical responses. Nothing came to my mind at that moment but to be a good listener and let it all the work to the time:
He told me he didn’t like the way I dressed and that I should try different styles on my hair, I always have the same.
R= Suggestions are welcome about which colour suits you better, which kind of shoe goes best with your dress. Or maybe suggest wearing jeans instead of a dress according to the date plan or the weather. These kinds of suggestions are well appreciated because it means that your partner cares about your wellness and your comfort.
However, this shouldn’t be said as a reproach or as a claim. You should stop dressing for your boyfriend. That’s why in the beginning when you meet both of you decided there wasn’t any other one but you to be with. He changed his mind but he can’t change you. You are amazing just the way you are, as Bruno Mars said.
Now that I’m alone, I’m having time for my own to take care of myself
R= YOU ARE NOT ALONE!, You have a family, you have your friends and YOU HAVE ME. Then I felt sorrow because probably I hadn’t been fully present in her life that she didn’t know she could count on me. This was also a reminder for me that I’m not alone, neither do you.
On the other hand, why wait for a gross guy to break your heart for taking care of yourself? — Well, better late than never, that’s for sure. But we should always take care of the most important person in our lives: your own self.
As the psychologist says: “Love relationships are mirrors of the inner self.” Try to have dates with yourself, cuddle and pamper yourself. Don’t wait for this important task to be done by others, sometimes it will never happen.
If he asks me to be together again, I’m sure I would do it but at the same time now I feel relief that we are not together anymore.
R=Stop there! You are about to enter into a toxic relationship! Love makes us fools. Why would you like to come back with someone who made you feel terrible? Once you get there into a toxic relationship where you know the roles and follow the pattern that emerges, which Kathrine Meraki explains it better.
Experiencing a breakup is not an easy thing to deal with, there is a mix of feelings that don't let you think clearly. Something that I applaud you is that you let things cold down and reflect on it. “You deserve to be with someone that loves your company. A partner that can’t stand the thought of trying to navigate life without you.”, as Kirstie Taylor mention in The best gift your ex will give you is leaving.
The important thing is that now you know that you are feeling better without him, even though missing him is a normal feeling, you are not missing the person but the way you felt being with him. Probably you can’t visualize it now because you still in the breakup abysm but later on, you’ll see that in fact: leaving is the best gift you could have received from him.
I guess that being a good listener/reader is the best we can do when someone is telling you a breakup story. And also check on your loved one once in a week or so and have a regular conversation. This is what I’ve been doing, I guess there’s not much that I can do other than this to help her recover, there is?