Becoming an Outsider Changed My Life

I’m thriving now — and you can, too.

I used to consider myself a pushover.

I used to think of myself as the weird one who needed to play to the gallery to get accepted into the team.

I used to believe I was a loser because I failed to develop chic interests; I didn’t listen to the same music my peers did, I liked reading books on Friday night, I craved alone time, and nobody could relate to my point of view.

After many years of trying to blend in with the crowd, I lost my zest for life. I craved fitting in so much that diving deep into alcohol and heavy partying prompted me to hit a low point: I became depressed after my boyfriend cheated on me and felt abandoned.

What I discovered was that being cheated on and feeling lonely had nothing to do with feeling separate from the rest. It was the excruciating pain of trying to fit in that made me miserable. I gave up my only power: authenticity.

After more trials and errors of following my family’s expectations and a dreamy career path, I came to terms with my uniqueness.

That’s right. I am an extraordinary human being. Just like you, my friend.

No, it’s not called arrogance, nor haughtiness. It’s the awareness of my self-worth which I lacked for so long.

According to Dr. Jeffrey Borenstein, President and CEO of the Brain & Behavior Research Foundation, self-love is defined as “a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological, and spiritual growth.”

Having high regard for your well-being and happiness leads to putting your needs first before those of others. It means never settling for less than what you deserve.

We shrink ourselves to fit into some whimsical ideas of beauty, conditioned by people’s traumas and self-inflicted limitations. We mingle because individuality makes people uncomfortable, even fearful.

The truth remains:

You can become whoever you wish to be.

You don’t have to follow the crowd. Actually, it’s advisable to go in the opposite direction. My family still gets concerned with my preference for spending time on my own, when in fact, alone time is crucial for our well-being and boosts our productivity.

You don’t have to be like everyone else. You don’t have to adore the same occupations that society does. You don’t have to thrive on the same green juices that influencers do. You don’t have to strive to achieve the same body type as celebrities lure us into chasing.

When I look at my past missteps, I realize I was just like everybody else. I had the same kind of ‘fun’ everyone else was having at the bar. I was commuting the same way everyone else was: to a corporate hell. In short: I was boring and predictable.

This is what it all boiled down to:

I feared missing out.

But now I realize that once I follow my needs, I am finally living my life to the fullest. It may not be what you consider exciting, but for me, it brings growth and deeper knowledge of self.

Just because everyone is striving for a romantic relationship and a family, does that mean I need to chase the same things? Definitely not. I may discover those desires within, but only after getting to know my true self.

Now:

• I dare to have interests others may not understand or even support.
• I’m not ashamed to have odd books on my shelves.
• I become openly excited for small things, even if people give me weird looks.
• I make a big deal out of my daily coffee ritual, marvel at nature and its treasures, and have fun mushroom picking.
• I no longer want to work a 9–5 job, and I’m candid about it.
• I finally dare to speak loudly when I think I’m being mistreated in any way. I don’t want to be the nice girl anymore.

Do I have fewer friends? Yes, I do.

Does my family approve? They don’t understand. And I no longer give a damn, although I always speak to them or about them with warmth, love, and kindness.

Have I found freedom? Yes, indescribable freedom.

Am I happy? Hell, yes. Like never before.

I’m genuinely satisfied with the place I am now, what I already have and who I am. And that, my dear reader, is a secret to thriving at your best: being authentic, feeling complete, and knowing you’re enough.

Find the trigger which connects you with your essence.

Everyone has their niche. You just need to experiment to discover one for yourself.

For me, it’s nature.

Whenever I feel out of balance, angry, or irritated, I take a walk in the forest. Nature helps us feel good and do good, and it reminds me of how magnificent the world remains, no matter what storm may be raging inside my head.

In the forest kingdom, no material gains or egoistical urges are attached. Nature carries the wisdom of simplicity, rebirth, and the magic of everyday miracles.

Nature keeps me focused on the present. A walking meditation is the best ‘reset tool’ when anxiety creeps in — it allows me to switch off frantic thoughts. After a while, they lose their grasp on my anxiety level. I tend to feel so small when I step into the woods, yet so powerful and connected with the One.

Following my intuition is always my best bet. I engage in what feels good at the moment, instead of falling into the trap of doing more for the sake of striving to be accepted by others. Whenever I engage in something I don’t find pleasure or growth in, I end up depleted, less creative, and frustrated with everyone around me. That is hardly a success.

Sometimes you just gotta play.

Before Britney Spears deactivated her Instagram account, she posted a video where she paints with classical music in the background. “Sometimes you just gotta play!!!!!!”, her caption read, followed by a fleet of silly emojis.

A flood of unfavorable, ridiculous comments washed over her. People made fun of her painting, silly moves, and the strokes of the brush.

You could argue that the recording of a megastar painting to Mozart went viral because there’s something ridiculous, even embarrassing, about Britney being unaware of having her every move scrutinized by a perfectionism-obsessed society.

She seems out of touch with reality in a blissful kind of way. Isn’t that an art in today’s facade — to tune out the noise and connect with your inner self, no matter how ridiculous or unconventional it may seem?

Did she delete the video? No. Did she persist with posting more dancing videos despite the hatred? Yes. Did she give a damn about people’s opinions of her? No. You may not like her content. I may not enjoy her content. That is not the point. The key is to enjoy who you are, embrace your quirkiness, and shine your not-so-conventional light.

Start telling a different story.

Whatever you believe to be true, your subconscious will translate your beliefs into reality. Since you are that powerful, start seeing things not as they appear to be, but how you wish them to be.

This new self-concept will give you the courage and confidence to persist with your goals and ambitions. You will free your mind of constant worry about what others might think and how you might be perceived.

You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.

— Dita Von Teese

In the end, who cares?

People have their own business and anxious thoughts running through their minds, so they don’t give a damn about you for that long. The only person who struggles when thinking about what they are speculating about is you. Following that reasoning, you are heading down the spiral of stress and anxiety. Break the pattern. Give space for creativity and the new you to be born.

The story you have rehearsed about the world and people has been ingrained so deeply into your subconscious that you begin putting limitations on yourself.

Let go of the identity which no longer serves you.

The quality of our thoughts guarantees the quality of our life. Your life experiences spring from the thoughts you think daily. If you persist in considering yourself an ‘odd one’ and feel inadequate because of that narrative, you are producing negative emotions inside your body, and perceiving the world through unfavorable lenses.

We are not the circumstances that happen to us. We are what we think of the circumstances.

However, if you adopt a more powerful narrative — it is a privilege to be different from everybody else — suddenly, you generate uplifting feelings, perhaps even confidence.

Suddenly, you start approaching any circumstances with an attitude of a bold seeker instead of a defeated loser.

Final thoughts

What a wonderful feeling to just be yourself, with no pressure to fit in to some whimsical standards imposed by self-proclaimed gurus, with no pressure to be creative according to predetermined guidelines.

I used to feel like an outcast. Now I’m a winner.

I can live slower. I can have more freedom. I can live care-free.

It doesn’t make me less. Less responsible. Less mature. Less worthy.

Others may run faster. Others may still seek that happiness outside themselves.

I have found my happy place inside my unique head, and I encourage you to cultivate space and courage for your unmatched authenticity. You can be an outsider and still thrive. Phoebe Buffay and Luna Lovegood are just a few examples I came to appreciate and admire with time, maturity, and more boldness in me.

How nice to be home again. Plus, you can take it everywhere, because home is where your authenticity flourishes.

Thank you for reading!

I write to empower and inspire with self-love. Your biggest strength lies in your authenticity, so embrace the whole package. Wear your unique attitude proudly.