Be Proud of Your Student Loans!
You took a chance on yourself…now own it.
For student loan borrowers, it’s bad enough to deal with our repayment plans, trying to find some way to scrape together enough cash to meet the minimum monthly payment. It gets worse when the rest of the world starts carping on us for our struggle.
The world is awash in negative press about the student loan crisis (link to article). While articles abound explaining the makeup of the $1.6 trillion in outstanding loans, many other articles (opinions, really) have been written passing judgement on those of us who decided to take out those loans.
We have been labelled entitled, lazy, stupid, naive, and a burden to the economy.
After reading this garbage for years, we start to think that maybe we really were stupid for going to college. Maybe the loans will end up being a perpetual financial chain around necks, and we blew our one shot at making anything even remotely resembling a “normal” American life.
It’s easy to succumb to the constant barrage of negative stereotypes, especially when we’re young and our financial situation hasn’t exactly panned out the way we had hoped.
However, I say we should start celebrating our student loans as our financial red badge of courage, showing the world that we took a chance at a better life via higher education.
We took a chance at changing our lives, resisting the siren song of resignation to 40 years of the same old job with the same old pay. Or as Kacey Musgraves would say, to avoid the, “ Same checks we’re always cashin’. To buy a little more distraction.”
We wanted better for us, for our spouse, for our kids, and for our grandkids.
We wanted to be the keystone to building that ever important generational family wealth that has benefited thousands of our college peers, but we were never able to take part of.
Some of us have realized our dreams, but with more debt than we ever imagined.
Some of us dropped out, stopped out, or simply ran out of money and have thousands of dollars to pay off for just a few college credits.
Regardless of where you are, let’s get one thing straight: you should be proud of your student loans. You took a gamble on yourself, which is more than many people can claim.
What is Shame?
One of the worst parts about the student loan crisis is the degradation in the mental health of student loan borrowers.
You might be different, but not a day goes by that I don’t think about my student loans, and I’m one of the lucky ones. My wife and I both have salaried jobs with good benefits and flexible work schedules. We’re also both on track for PSLF in the next 4-ish years.
But until we see a balance of $0, I’ve still got $135,000 of debt assigned to my name, and my wife has another $40,000.
Others aren’t anywhere near as lucky, and they can start to change their identity to fit the narrative that they are “less than” for taking on student debt.
In short, their guilt has turned to shame.
For the definition of both, we need to turn to one of my wife’s favorite authors, Brene Brown.
Guilt is, “I did something bad.” Shame is, “I am bad.”
Guilt is, “I’m sorry. I made a mistake.” Shame is, “I’m sorry. I am a mistake.”
The difference is sometimes subtle, but the impact is devastating.
Guilt can be a good thing, acting as our internal compass when we’ve made a mistake and need to make amends.
Shame, however, can be outright crippling (I should know…I’ve been dealing with shame for other reasons for years) and can seriously impact everything from job performance and friendships to marriages and physical health.
So what are the sources of this shame and how can we deal with it?
Financial Shame
Financial shame starts with not being able to afford going out with your friends, but the spiral can deepen very quickly.
When you have student loan payments that eat a gigantic chunk out of your paycheck, I’m not talking about the financial shame of keeping up with the Joneses and buying a better sports car.
No, I’m talking about not affording to go out to eat once a month at Applebee’s with your family, or being unable to drop $30 on some happy hour drinks with your coworkers, or being too broke to spend a lazy Saturday afternoon with some cheap outfield lawn seats at a AAA baseball game.
When you can’t even afford the simple things in life, you start to question your self worth. And the financial problems can get much worse.
Student loans increase your debt-to-income ratio, making it harder to secure a mortgage. Now, you’re missing out on the housing boom, which could have toppled the first domino of your generational wealth goal.
So instead of putting 10% down on a 30 year mortgage, you go for a 3% down 7-year ARM, which has a much higher chance of blowing up your finances, further deepening your shame.
Social Shame
This is linked to financial shame by not being able to afford the same goods or services as your neighbors, but having student loans also acts as a signal to others that you weren’t “enough”.
- Your family wasn’t rich enough to outright pay for college.
- You weren’t smart enough to get a full ride.
- You weren’t disciplined enough to become a Resident Assistant and have your room and board paid for.
- You high school wasn’t good enough to offer college credit classes.
- You weren’t grounded enough to choose a high-ROI major.
If any of these sounds familiar, you might be feeling a lot like Mirabel from Encanto, finally realizing that she and her sisters were never enough for their grandmother.
Internal Shame
This is the internalized shame that quite possibly no one has brought up, except you. It originates from not meeting your own personal expectations from your childhood.
These expectations may have been written in a journal during high school. They may have just existed in your head but never spoken out loud. They may even be in your subconscious, implanted by years of indoctrination from family, movies, or whatever.
Maybe you thought you would never get student loans, but here you: six figures deep in debt.
Maybe you thought you would pay off your loans in a quick 10 years, but here you are, more than 20 years later with a hefty balance.
Maybe you thought you would start your marriage on strong financial ground, but here you are with a $800 monthly payment.
Rooting out these unmet personal expectations might be the hardest type of shame to dismantle, since they can be so closely tied to our identity. Our goals become us, and our lack of achievement defines us.
This is the type of shame that counseling can help address (among a vast array of other issues).
The Good Side of Student Loan Debt
Earlier I mentioned that the mere fact that you took a chance on yourself is reason enough to be proud of your student loans, and it absolutely it.
The good news is that there are even more reasons to be proud of your student debt.
Building Resilience
First, you have realized that life never gives you what you planned. You have debt, probably more than you planned, and you needed to adjust your life to this new reality.
You’ve encountered a speed bump in life, and now you know you can handle it. This builds resilience, grit, and determination. It’s not everyday that you end up tens of thousands of dollars in debt, and it takes a strong mind to overcome it.
If you don’t believe me, think of all the times you’ve had to deal with your student loan servicer, correcting their mistakes or practicing the patience of Job to get an issue escalated (FedLoan anyone?). Learning to work the student loan system is a crash course in all the official government BS you’ll have to put up with your entire life.
Experiences and Education
Student loans are sometimes the first big “purchase” we make in life, at least it was for me.
I bought my first car for $1,200 (my mom kicked in the last $300) when I was 17. It was a beautiful 1984 Chevy Celebrity with crushed velvet interior and peeling tint on the windows, formerly owned by two 70-something sisters who didn’t need a second car anymore.
It was beautiful, and it was mine.
Fast forward 9 months, and I’m signing on the dotted line to borrow $5,000 to help pay my first year tuition at college, so I guess my loans were the second big purchase. However, while that ’84 Celebrity is probably in a parts yard by now, I still have memories from that first year that I’ll take with me to my grave.
Was it worth still paying off that first year loan after 20+ years? Maybe. But I know that I wouldn’t be the person I am today if I hadn’t enrolled.
Financial Education
Your perception of your student loans might range from mild irritation to complete hate, but regardless of your emotion, you have experienced some level of buyer’s remorse.
I know I just mentioned that both the experiences from college and the education attained were worth it, but I also admit that I could have done a better job of financing my education. So yeah, I have some level of buyer’s remorse.
The good news is that now you know what it feels like and can avoid it in the future.
Some people don’t experience this kind of financial headache until they buy a house they can’t get out of, and very rarely can they parlay that house into more money.
Student loans, and the education they bought, can teach you what a bad deal is while still giving you something at least minimally valuable in the process.
The Takeaway
Knowing what I know now, knowing what I knew then, would I have still made the same decision regarding my student loans?
Definitely not.
But that doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t have taken out student loans at all. My undergrad loans were a mistake, as I had to opportunity to minimize or outright eliminate them completely.
However, my graduate loans would probably be the same, as I had a family to support during business school with little to no extra money for tuition.
Bottom line: be proud of taking a chance on yourself. It doesn’t matter if it was a miracle, you crashed and burned, or somewhere in between. You took a risk, so stand up and own it.
