Be Open (More About Me) — Amanda Wilson

How the Modern Witch Gained Her Power

Hello there, Medium readers! This is my second More About Me for the admirably authentic publication that encourages its’ writers to be transparent and true- Be Open. While I have a modest Medium publication of my own, Modern Witch, I wanted to write for Be Open because its’ intention really resonated with me. One of the main goals behind my writing career is to help others by writing with an authentic, transparent voice, about things that have made a difference in my life (or just tickled my fancy). Modern Witch is very niche-specific, and I have more to share with the world other than witchy-related things. While this story relates to me being a witch, it’s more so about personal power. Empowerment has played a major role in shaping who I am today, and this story is going to tell you how.

Powerless

I had no concept of personal power for much of my life. I was what you’d call a ‘people pleaser’, always striving for approval from family, friends, anyone really. I loved being the person who had all the answers, solved all the problems, who was willing to give her last dollar, the last of her food, use the last of her gas, for that momentary high that came from hearing “I don’t know what I’d do without you!” or “You’re a lifesaver!”

It never occurred to me that it wasn’t healthy to be willing to give all I had so someone else could be happy. This is embarrassing to admit but I actually thought that was admirable that I’d help others at my expense. I know, martyr complex much? Then I reached a point in my life where I realized that I wasn’t some valiant personal hero — I was a doormat who willfully allowed others to walk all over me…to have power over me. It was when I handed that power over to a person who abused me emotionally, mentally, physically, and sexually, that I realized I had to change- my life depended on it.

Pursuit of Power

As long as my focus was on how I was percieved, I was willfully handing my power over. I had to learn to wield the power myself. The pursuit of this power was what led to me becoming a witch. Witches are wise creatures, and the wisest, and quite possibly the most difficult, choice I have ever made was to put myself first. This entailed a great struggle with feeling, and being called, selfish, but I had to ignore it. I had potential to do anything I wanted with my life, and the only way I could do it was to make sure I survived. There’s a reason airlines tell you to put that oxygen mask on yourself first- you can’t be of any good to anyone else if you’re suffocating.

You have the power to make these things possible for yourself. It all starts with you putting your all into yourself. It won’t be easy, but it’ll be worth it. -Aria J. “Why It’s Okay to Live for Yourself”²

The first step to personal empowerment, and putting yourself first: learn to say no. If someone wants you to do something that will be at a cost for you — be it time, money, whatever- say no. If someone wants you to give something up for them, say no. If someone wants you to do something you just plain don’t want to do- say NO. There is nothing wrong with saying no!

If you aren’t a very big fan of yourself it can be hard to make yourself a priority, so the second step is two-fold: first, stop insulting yourself; second, give yourself three compliments a day. One trick that I learned was whenever I said or even thought something that was self-deprecating, I made myself come up with three positives on the spot. For example, I walk by a mirror and think “Ugh, I look fat.” I’d stop, take a breath, and tell myself “I have pretty eyes. I am very smart. I have awesome handwriting.” I literally just pulled these out of my- but you get the idea. This will show you that you are worth being a priority, because you do.

The third and final step, if you will, that brought me into my power was becoming a witch. I spent the first year studying anything and everything I could get my hands on. After the first six months or so I began my first round of shadow work. This is essentially where you confront, work through and accept the aspects of yourself that you don’t like, that cause you fear, that hold you back. Shadow work is not a one-and-done thing. It’s something you must consistently return to, because our minds are vast and complicated, and in order to make sure we are thinking logically, acting wisely, and using our power in the best possible manner we can, we need to fully accept ourselves-and this is done through shadow work.

My Witchy Ways

I’m not part of any coven, nor am I part of any traditions. I’m what you’d call an ‘eclectic solitary witch’. I do what feels right. I am a polytheistic pagan, which means I believe in and work with multiple gods, and believe that each god is unique in his/her/their own right. I do not think that all gods are just facets of one ultimate source. This is my personal belief — what you believe is true for you, while mine is true for me. I work with spirits of the land (i.e. faeries), and of the ancestors — some are my own, some of the land upon which I live.

I’m drawn most strongly to Celtic deities — why this is I’m not sure. It could be due to my Germanic/European heritage, but then again, I’m just as much Native American as I am European, so who knows. Whatever the reason, it works for me. The Morrigan is my Matron deity. She and I have been through a lot, and she still has quite a bit in store for me. It was the Morrigan who encouraged me to start writing in the first place. Well — I started writing when I was really young. I learned to write my name when I was only 18 months old, and could read at kindergarten level by the age of three. By the time I turned six I was writing chapter books about humanistic animals. But what i mean is the Morrigan pushed me into writing professionally. It started out as a way for me to really cement material I was studying as part of my priesthood training — by writing essays I knew I learned the material inside and out. But then it moved past that, and the Morrigan reminded me that this is something I’ve wanted since I was a little girl. She pretty much asked my why not? I couldn’t think of a single reason, so I started freelance writing. That was about three years ago. In that time I’ve not only written dozens of articles, I’ve co-authored a book and have two more books in the works.

I’m proud of my witchiness, because I’ve made an amazing life for myself as a witch. I have a nice apartment, two lovey cuddly cats, a five year old son who is sweet, smart, and stubborn as heck, I’m pregnant with another boy (due Sept. 2021), and I’m in a relationship with a man who loves me, respects me, and cares about me. I love my small, quiet, supernatural life, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

References

1. “Witch.” Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary, Merriam-Webster, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/witch. Accessed 14 Jun. 2021.

Be Open Says;

Thank you for creating your 2nd "More About Me" Amanda! Awesome! :-)