Battling The Fear That I Will Have Nothing More (Meaningful) To Say

Do you recognize this fear as a writer? What do you do with it? Here’s what I do.

I found myself contemplating this one today.

The fear which — as I discovered — is influencing the way that I think, write and what I do with the writing then.

I am always writing when I feel inspired and so far the inspiration sprung from me like a fresh river stream on the very morning after the night rain. Actually no, more like a fresh stream during the rainy season. That’s more accurate.

However, I sense that something — rather unhealthy — is happening in my mind already. My mind is starting to overcomplicate it for me again.

What really is the problem here

The problem is that my mind is restless, it can’t just switch off, wander around in awe and lose itself in the beauty of the moment. It can’t be and stay present and it doesn’t want to allow me to enjoy my present time either.

Because it’s already thinking ahead, diving deep in the future — that may be a faraway future, wondering, analyzing and questioning what only will happen to me when my flow of inspiration once stops.

As if it actually had to happen. As if it was a fact. Something inevitably coming.

This is the issue with our minds. That they create a problem when there’s none.

And after these thoughts kept coming for a few days now, I started to slowly get upset with my mind. Until I lost my cool with it today.

As if it really had nothing better to think than that my creative channel is limited, and slowly implant some irrational worries in me that — beware, Lucy, because your creative flow may be soon to drain and then we’re both screwed.

This is what I don’t like about my mind, that it likes to spoil the moment.

But because I also respect it is a part of me and know that however unreasonable it acts, it only wants the best for me anyway. It wants to protect me and keep me safe. And I know that when this happens, there’s something very specific that I have to do.

This is what I do

I have to approach it like a child. It’s anyway my little, super-intelligent but equally super worried angel baby. And so I need to call it to have a little chat together, I sit down with it and then, patiently — explain.

I like to talk to my mind. I like to ask it things and discuss together and you’d be surprised but it works wonders.

So we had a little chat earlier on today. And here’s how it went.

Me: So, I am hearing you say lately that you’ve been thinking there’s a potential threat to me. You’re worried about me. You’re worried about my creative channel. Is that right?

The Mind: Yes, it’s right, mum.

Me: Can you tell me a little bit more about it. What do you fear exactly?

The Mind: Well, you keep writing almost daily, since last month. I’ve seen how many thoughts, stories and deep insights you’ve shared already. So it made me think that if you continue doing this, you’re slowly about to run out of ideas.

Me: Hm, interesting. Thank you for your observation, angel. You know I appreciate you and I know that you’re very knowledgable and do want the best for me. However, the fact is that I’ve only started writing, right?

The Mind: Yes, that’s exactly my point.

Me: Okay, perfect. Because in that case, are you aware of the fact that I still do keep a lot of ideas drafted? Like, my current list of topics I want to talk about is close to twenty? And I’ve not even managed to explore and write more on that?

The Mind: Yes, I think I noticed that.

Me: Good. Because that is the case. See, there’s say 20 new ideas I’ve got now. 20 new ideas that I have to further explore, expand, document and make our personal story out of. Do you know what may happen in this process?

The Mind: No.

Me: Well, these ideas may just further expand, darling. They may become 30!

The Mind: Really?

Me: Yes. Actually, that’s exactly what happened within the past month. Remember? I started writing, had 2 ideas and while expanding them, they became 4!

The Mind: Oh…

Me: Also, from the 14 already documented ideas that you believe to be exhausting my creative channel. Do you know how many of those 14 — I didn’t even plan to write?

The Mind: Hmm…

Me: Let me count it for you. Okay. Just imagine, darling, 9 out of the 14 documented articles were the stories that I didn’t even manage to give you to keep for me — for later. (The note: didn’t keep in my mind.) They just came to me and within an hour they were completed!

The Mind: Really?

Me: Yes! So you didn’t have a chance to get familiar with them all. But the inspiration came to me instantly — on the same day, and the process of documenting them took such a short time. Do you know what that means?

The Mind: Hmm.. I don’t know.

Me: Well, it means that my creative channel is rich. And the creative flow is always there. It comes to me directly in the present. Without me having to give it to you to look after for later. It is not limited to these topics which you know and are aware of so well. It is getting constantly expanded for those that come to me by living and being in the moment.

The Mind: I see.

Me: And it also means that if out of 14 published topics, 9 were completely spontaneous — I used only 5 ideas that you were aware of. So, there’s still thise 20 drafted ideas for now that may actually become 40. Do you know what that means?

The Mind: Hm. That we’re fine for now?

Me: Haha. Correct. We’re fine but not only ‘for now’, sweetie. We will always be fine. There will always be enough.

Even once that all the insights that we now have to share are shared, we will think of others — new ones. And we will expand them just as we’re doing it now. And at the same time, the new spontaneous ideas will keep coming. They will keep coming for as long as we live. And for as long as I am aware and taking note of them.

The Mind: I see. But just hypothetically, mum, what if your inspiration disappears suddenly, the same way as it’s coming now. From one day to another? What will you do then?

Me: Well, if that’d ever happen and I’d feel that my inspiration left me, I will accept it. And it will be fine. I could possibly even write about that. About how it feels to lose the inspiration. Or I’ll start writing something factual and terribly boring. About the weather, or time passing — how I am looking at the clock and counting the seconds with them while waiting for the inspiration. But even that seems interesting.

The Mind: Giggles.

Me: How do you feel about my creative channel now?

The Mind: Well, I guess I don’t have to worry about your creativity so much then.

Me: You really don’t have to, sunshine. On that note, actually. Can I ask you something?

The Mind: Yes, mum.

Me: Can I ask you to allow me to be more present — to stay in the moment?

Because the less you will worry yourself, the less you will worry me. And the more you’ll allow me to be present, the more ideas I will have, and so less you’d have to worry about me not having anything else to say in the future.

Does that make sense, darling?

The Mind: (Silent nod first.) It does, mummy.

Me: Thank you, darling. Thank you for your understanding and for making time to sit with me and for listening to me patiently.

See, we work as a team and together we can resolve anything. Even the biggest problem you think there is!

Do you agree?

The Mind: Yes. I do. I am quite happy now. I won’t worry about this then. I love you, mum.

Me: And I love you as well, my little genius-sweetheart.

Okay. Relax now. I’ll get back to work.

So this is how I resolved it eventually. Not alone. But by cooperating with my mind. And it was worth investing time to have that conversation. Because as soon as the mind understands that there’s no threat, it stops panicking and making you feel uncomfortable.

Here’s what I do when I am not conversing with my mind or writing. Feel free to connect with me for a personal conversation here or at [email protected]

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