Work Towards Your Failures, Not Your Victories

What if what we see as a failure isn’t one?

I can sense you have mixed feelings while reading the title, maybe even think what nonsense, and I won’t be surprised nor offended if you do.

But there’s a reason behind this very irony.

Why am I saying that?

The truth is that there’s nothing unusual about failing.

We fail all the time, from when we’re babies or toddlers trying to stand or walk. Yet, we rarely do know how to cope with failures as adults.

And the reason why we find it difficult to deal with failures is because we perceive them as something negative (to catastrophic) and naturally work towards it’s opposite — our victories.

And when the victory doesn’t happen when or just how we expect it to happen, we see anything other than that insufficient - a failure.

Essentially, if we work towards our successes that don’t come, we fail to satisfy our own expectations and so we feel the essence of failure.

And because of feeling terrible about not achieving a victory that we’d have imagined, we go ahead thinking that we’re not worth it, that we’re not good enough, that the thing we were doing is not worth pursuing, and that this is the end. Most of us go even further to give up on our goals, dreams, and passion after one or a few unsuccessful attempts.

Does that sound familiar?

I can imagine it applies to many of us writers when we publish something, and our piece doesn’t get the recognition that we were looking to have.

What really is a failure then?

See failure as a learning curve — an opportunity to learn from, to grow, not a defeat. Failures are in fact partial victories, not anything less than that. It’s a training ground to become better, stronger, smarter — a winner.

We have a lot to learn from people who had to fail first to succeed later on and so understood failures differently. They didn’t see them as show-stoppers, end-game or catastrophes, merely simple road-blocks to cross.

They anticipated, accepted, and appreciated failures for what they are — a natural part of our journey, as learning opportunities, in fact, little victories, because all the knowledge that comes from failing to succeed makes it much easier to succeed next time. Lessons learned, mistakes understood and corrected, skill-set improved to eventually mastered.

All those who adapted their mind to understanding that failure helps them grow invested a lot of their time, energy, and interest to master their passion and fulfil their dreams.

Imagine a young Federer giving up on tennis before winning his first match, because he’d failed all the previous ones, right? We’d have never heard of him and his legacy today would have been a fantasy. If Gandhi has given up his fight for the freedom of India, Mozart gave up on music, Frida on painting, J. R. R. Tolkien on writing, and Steve Jobs on programming, their message would have never come across and the world would be quite a different place today.

In the words of A. P. J. Abdul Kalam, former president of India, F.A.I.L. only means a First Attempt at Learning.

We’d have never heard about Tesla or Edison who failed 999 times before succeeding if he considered failure a personal disaster. And if J. K. Rowling gave up writing because she faced several obstacles while pursuing her dream and working on having Harry Potter published. But, none of them has given up.

If we’d had given up on trying to stand up and walk every time we failed as toddlers life would be quite a different experience for us today, wouldn’t it?

I always remember this when I feel down and the ‘failure’ comes to my mind. I think of all these people, their unique stories and their uneasy journeys to success.

I, in fact, think of a few more of them, like Meryl Streep whose natural talent and authenticity I absolutely admire. She was told she was not fit or pretty enough for the first few roles she applied for. So did Oprah or Jennifer Lawrence struggle to make it in the aggressive media/ movie industry. And so did Morgan Freeman struggle! Jim Carrey did, Richard Brandson didn’t do well at school, Van Gogh only sold one painting in his lifetime, Steven Spielberg did struggle to make movies! You name it, none of them got it easy.

When I think of them, my journey actually feels somewhat easier. I feel more grateful for all that I’ve already accomplished and achieved. I suddenly remember it all! I remember why I still coach and write and follow my passion. I remember that it’s not supposed to come easy to me for a reason. And maybe that’s what makes success so rewarding in the end.

Try to also remember what others — who eventually made it — have done, how they’ve approached it, and what have they gained in the process and in the end. Let that be your inspiration.

Why success doesn’t come easy?

Because the journey to success teaches us — humans something very important. It teaches us humility, willpower and appreciation. And keeps our egos in check. Which, honestly, we all need.

Just imagine that you’d have always succeeded at what you do from the start. Like, you just join Medium (or another writing platform) and your first 3 articles get 2k hits and you make £3000.

You’d be at the top of the world when you are only starting. And your ego would go high with you. Do you think you’d value your success at all? It came so easy in the end, right? Would you continue trying then? Why?

I am not saying that this has to be your case, but it does actually happen. So would you be ready to fall next time? And suddenly get to £0 and no claps, no reads, no hits, and no support? It happened to some of us already and those to whom it happened have faced a fall. Do you think it’s a joyful ride to go up high and straight down then?

Well, it’d be okay if we knew how to see failures and how to see victories. Not when we’re unprepared for both.

The journey to success is an essential part of success.

Therefore, work towards your failures, not your victories and you’d never feel like failing. Work towards your failures and you won’t give up easily on things, you would want to work towards them. Work towards your failures and succeed.

Now, I hope that with this message, to aspire to learn rather than aspiring to succeed, you’d succeed much easier and faster than you’d have while only pursuing your successes.

This article was inspired by the result of the recent general election in Slovakia, my home country. And the reason our general elections reminded me of this is that there were quite some parties that worked only towards their successes — and failed. Or rather thought they failed while it’s only a sign that they still have a lot to learn (and improve) to be successful later. On the contrary, those who worked towards failure as a long-term consistent learning succeeded.

Have a great life full of learning!