10 Learnings From COVID-19 That Changed My Life

If you think it takes a lifetime to transform a person, or that we actually don’t change much — read and watch.

Somewhere in the midst of this COVID-19 crisis, I found myself practically without an income from my business (as my profit decreased rapidly but expenses remained) with an inner world full of conflicting thoughts in a shared place with my ex (as we broke up in the midst of all this) and his friend (who was a quarantine case back then), and without any practically-feasible option to just book a flight, pack-up, and make an easy escape home to be with my family.

But here’s the surprising fact: This shit didn’t kill me.

Even more surprising: It did not actually hurt. Not half as much as in my mind’s preconceived version of this reality.

Considering this is only the beginning of my story, I know I have a lot to explain. But before that, I want you to know that I’ve taken this motto out of this unthinkable experience:

‘’If all this together didn’t break me, nothing will.’’

And the most outrageous realization: This has become one of the best experiences in my life.

What have I learned over the past 2 months?

This short period made me understand more than the whole of 2019. And as there’s a lot to it, to give it some structure and transparency, here’s my 10 learnings from Covid-19 that truly changed my life. Let’s begin.

1. The power of acceptance

“Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery.” — J.K. Rowling

This was one of the earliest, toughest, and the most significant realization I got which drove the rest of them, so I’ll spend a good time on it.

It was that I had to ‘accept’. Accept whatever was happening to me, within me, and around me. I had to accept it, however (painful, confusing, stressful, and overwhelming) it felt. Or actually, because thinking was anyway giving me anxiety. So how did I cope?

First, I panicked and worried about everything. Such as that I’ll end up bankrupt as my business seemed to go straight down and if I don’t, then this virus is going to kill us all anyway. These thoughts were pretty much triggered by the overwhelming every-day news I was following (ironically, considering that I am not consuming them in normal circumstances). As well as the stories from my business partners and clients, the businesses I somewhat depended on, and who were already panicking themselves and going down. As well as when my flatmate, returning from her trip in Norway at the time when Corona was peaking, had to stay quarantined together with us for 2 weeks, as she could’ve been the carrier.

This whole package of events made my fears skyrocket, till they reached somewhat of a peak and I knew that I can’t take any more of them — I got super glued. I couldn’t function anymore, make a single move. Imagine what super glue does to objects, so I was the object and my fears and worries were the superglue.

And there, I understood the paradox. Which is, that I was feeling so bad and stuck because I was actually rejecting whatever was happening. I was against it will all my being as if I was fighting my own invisible war with the current. Only that acceptance was the key to the victory (or ungluing my misery). I realized this at a point where I felt that the only way to manage going forward is to lose the battle or take a break. So, I took a break.

And invited all the crap back home with my open arms. Allowing myself to feel the after-fight pain, literally. And I started, for the first time, really allowing myself to feel it, and the feelings to pass through me, the same way the water slides inside us as we drink it. Accepting what it was, for what it was, while breathing through it all slowly. Through my feelings and current situation, the one in my household, and then the one back home and that in London and so forth.

And then, I let go — of the control I was so desperately trying to have over it all.

As I was in this process, I realized that fighting against what I had no control over didn’t make sense. And just how meaningless being in a war with acceptance was. It took my peace and blocked the flow of energy that would actually show me a way out of my misery if I’d have just allowed it to.

So there I was. Embracing acceptance and my true feelings. Accepting that I was actually lost and had no control over a lot of things and didn’t even know what to do or expect next.

Surprisingly, it didn’t feel so terrible as I thought it’d be. It was — in two words — unimaginably freeing.

It has made me feel much better about everything at once and it has given me peace. Maybe even some hope. And so from there on, inviting acceptance became a habit.

Acceptance is handy anytime, especially when we’re facing challenges.

(Just so you know — to accept doesn’t mean being in a shitty situation acting like you’re enjoying it. But to acknowledge that yeah, so I am there and what? Only then you can do something about it. Such as to reshape it.)

2. Focus: On what I can do & have control and influence over

I tried to control everything because I felt so powerless and accepting that as well as letting go of control was so unknown.

I already spoke about how my acceptance of reality helped me to deal with life. This one ties up nicely with that, because, once I accepted the problem, I got clarity about what I can do about it.

I started asking myself…

If this is where I am, and these are the cards I was given, what can I do with them? What is within my influence and control? What can I do now?

First of all, I was able to clearly see and identify what wasn’t serving me and was actually making it worse. I stopped following up on all those things which triggered my panic and anxiety such as news, new COVID-19 cases (and its death tools all around the globe). None of that was helping me (neither making me any smarter) and it equally was not within my control of the sphere of influence. And instead, I started focusing on what is within my control or influence. This is an incredible mind-clearing exercise as well.

As a consequence of shifting my attention, I lost the ‘can’t do’ attitude, because there were things to do, and there was more than enough of them!

Such as… supporting my business with all that had to be done anyway, tasks to be completed, actions delivered. And then there were things within my full control to do at home and for myself personally.

3. The absolute relativity of time

This one became particularly apparent after lockdowns. And it felt as if the time suddenly stopped moving. Only that the same time somehow accelerated as well.

Looking back, it only feels like a week or two of too many shifts, but calendar-wise, it’s been 2 months already. As the hours pass as quickly as minutes, the days change into weeks and weeks into months within a blink of an eye. And at the same time, it feels like nothing much has changed.

The past seems like ages ago, the future is nowhere near. And the present, it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere, it is there at every single point. And there’s no way to escape it!

So time became just another concept. An obsolete idea that changes between theory and practice. An illusion. Which linearity lost its substance.

4. Presence and living for the moment

To be in the moment means to have no expectation about what comes out of it.

Although it’s been tempting for my mind to drift away and remind me of the past or the future by overthinking it at least once again. But the problem with that was that there didn’t seem to be a recent past to recall (other than that which feels like years back) or future to link with the current present.

In fact, every day feels like a new beginning. The present is more apparent than ever. And the moment feels like all there is to grasp and live for. That’s how I understood what the present moment is.

And I started giving myself to it entirely. In the most authentic way. Just by being there.

I’ve done that, by concentrating fully on every single little thing — task or activity I got involved in.

I realized that by trying to rush some tasks to enjoy others more, I am not giving them all an equal respect and not giving respect to the moment.

And as I’ve done this, I found myself enjoying every bit of present. Whether it was washing a cup, watering plants, making a perfect morning coffee, fried eggs, or drafting an email, they all felt like the best thing to do in the world. All I did was just being there. And, it’s given me another dose of peace, bliss and joy.

I was so much at peace with everything that I started noticing a different side of life. The one I was missing out on before.

At one point on a hot sunny week (a scarcity in England) when I worked from the garden all day, I realized that I am actually sharing that present with other beings. I noticed the life around me (the trees, plants, flies, birds, pigeons, and squirrels) that must have always been there — when I wasn’t. But there, we happened to be, in the present, at the very same time. And just how I noticed them, they noticed me, and we were all there sharing this peace together.

It felt like a psychedelic experience of sharing life in the moment with all its being, except that it was for real. And it was magical like nothing.

This enabled me to get completely absorbed in and enjoy the very moments, better in accomplishing tasks as I was there with my undivided attention on every single one — at the time. Without an urge to skip between them, fast forward or attempt to ‘multi-task’.

5. The healing power of solitude

I ended up being alone much more than I was used to for the past 5 to 6 years. The fact that my relationship ended and that any personal contact with the external world was cut off, contributed to this muchly.

Despite the fact that I am an introvert, and being alone is an essential part of being me, this felt super uncomfortable at the beginning. Mostly because it was way out of proportion and not a question of my choice. How could such an imposed shift feel comfortable and easy to accept, right?

My mind was trying to do everything in its power to make itself feel more comfortable and to persuade me that I need the previous state back (the company, conversations, and any little distractions that’d fill up the silence).

But luckily, I know these tricks by now. And I knew that even if I distract myself, the solitude will be inevitable to face. The whole space was full of it and there was no escape from it. So I again slowly took it in. And then, dived into its transformational power. I talk more about it here:

There were many fears that build up within me, suppressed emotions, and reflections to do. And it was precisely through this to gain my peace and equilibrium. I had to face and accept my fear of loneliness, my changing circumstances, and reflect on what it all means for me, as well as contemplate my new possibilities.

I could write a lot about this, but what’s important to say is that;

through my silent repetitive reflections I better understood where I am, who I am, what I want, (and don’t want) out of my life going forward. And every moment.

The amount of clarity was shocking.

This opened my channel to everything else on this list, including my creativity.

6. Decluttering the mind and physical space

When clarity was established, I suddenly knew what doesn’t belong anymore. My mind was starting to feel light as I shredded the clutter such as my fears, old ideas, and outdated beliefs. I also began noting down all that I want to do and accomplish going forward. In the long run and on a daily basis. This brought even more clarity and enabled me to empty my mind’s bucket which also took the remaining stress away that was before transmitting through my passing, but un-noted thoughts. And I ended up structuring my days, which made it easier to focus and achieve the goals on my lists!

I applied the same logic for the physical space, starting to look at all the things around me, gathered over time. Then this notion came along.

“There’s too much shit you have and don’t need, Lucy.”

Yup, there was a hell load of it, but all very nice shit. Shit that was made to fit the places beautifully (like a puzzle) and make the house look like a museum.

But it either wasn’t being used or necessary. We often don’t realize how much stuff we have until we’re literally locked with it all, in one house, for a month (or more). And it’s a gold worth realization.

My weakness has always been interior design, books, shoes, clothes, and accessories. My clothes and accessories currently occupy 2 wardrobes, 2 boxes in the bathroom, and two big suitcases under the bed. Although I am quite a collector on the beauty front as well!

There was an end to this. The more I was being at home, the easier it was seeing this and clearing the mess.

I used Marie Kondo’s method and although I’ve done quite well, there are still more items I can easily say ‘goodbye’ to as I won’t need them anymore. But you know, emotional attachment precedes the physical, and takes some time to deal with saying ‘goodbyes’.

Then there’s another thing, I realized that I am perfectly happy with the shit I already have. Most of what I gathered over time are really good pieces when it comes to clothes, design, accessories, etc. And my body products & cosmetics are enough to serve me for the next 3–6 months at least. Honestly, I didn’t have to go shopping even once in the past 3 months for this!

So, I finally started using what was just lying there before, aimlessly. And that I picked only because it looked cute.

I am one of those people who have 15 nail polishes and always pick one more — just in case, but only use 2. As well as having 15 lipsticks, 3 mascaras, 10 kinds of cleansing gels and foams (organic, semi-organic, un-organic), the masks, soaps, at least 3 shampoos. You get my point.

And guess what? Now I honestly don’t understand why I kept buying more when I already had more than enough. I literally don’t get it now. And I am over the moon to see that I finally (!) only have 1 shampoo at hand, 4 face cleansers, 3 body soaps — that for me is downsizing. And I know I don’t want to do this anymore again, buying like crazy.

Because there’s actually so little I need — to be happy and at peace. And none of that comes from buying ‘cute’ stuff.

But having healthy food, daily walks, and exercise, mind empty of worries and full of productive ideas, a diary filled with meaningful goals and tasks, and being at peace with myself — with productive thoughts, feelings, and values in place.

7. Self-improvement through personal development

When I clarified what I wanted, needed, and cleared my mind space, there was suddenly more room for new and great ideas to come in.

I also believe it went hand in hand with focusing on myself and all that I can do and achieve during this particular time. Having that time and space to look inwards rather than outside, played a big role.

And I decided to binge on my self-development rather than Netflix. (However tempting Netflix has been.)

And started to consciously develop new, healthy habits and interests that’d help me through this time, inspire, motivate, and impact me positively. As a consequence, I discovered many new interests and later on skills as I allowed myself to self-explore.

I got involved in studying psychology (through edX with Yale), big time baking and cooking (from experimenting to eventually perfecting recipes I was before scared to even try), as well as painting and drawing. I am now experimenting with acrylic canvas paintings of Greek countryside as the combination of blues — the sea, skies, and their architecture is just insanely magical. As well as practising spiral abstract therapeutical drawings of shapes as my inner self-care. Then there’s yoga, cycling, running and walks — which became an important habit I often enjoy with my ex.

But probably the brightest of all the experiments is that I re-discovered my love for writing and joined Medium. And although I am still at the very beginning of my writing journey, it already feeds my soul greatly. So I can only imagine how it’d feel in the long run. I see how I am moving ahead and developing my voice and style already and feel so much myself, confident, centred, and at peace thanks to it.

8. The ultimate love paradox

If there’s a list of 10 things, there’s going to be a weird or a shocking one. Like this, I’ve learned about the ‘ultimate love paradox’.

What’s the ultimate love paradox?

It is that I love my ex. In fact, I love him more now that we’re separated.

It took this separation and creating a distance between us for me to see and understand that and what all we mean(t) for each other.

I actually believe we were somewhat blind towards each other during our relationship, which is a sign that we were not supposed to keep it. But as soon as it ended, everything bettered.

As we’re apart as a couple, our relationship has actually improved.

We used to argue regularly like, it had to be in the calendar at least once fortnightly, but we didn’t argue once since the break-up.

And so this came truly shocking because while we were together, we often felt and acted as if we wanted to leave that place.

Now, we seem to be enjoying each other’s company more and in a completely new way. Refreshing way!

Also, I’d have never thought that staying together for some more after the separation can actually be so healing. It allowed us to deal with the break-up and the change of our status in almost a non-painful way. I trust it’d not have been easier and better if one of us left immediately. Because it’d be a shock and we’d never get to experience this kind of rebirth and healing.

So now, I am shifting my perspective from how I’ve seen relationships and love before and even living together after the break-up. Which can help incredibly, if both the partners are evolved enough, and accepting.

9. Believing in myself

Thanks to the previous learnings, I realized that I know and understand myself better. And got more confident about myself, where I am now, my journey, and future. I even acknowledged that…

I love the person I’ve become. Who I am now. I do believe in myself (more than ever). And I know I don’t have to worry and can rely on ‘me’.

I know who I am, what I want, what-not, and even where I want to go, and what to do next. I trust myself, my instincts, and intuition. And that whatever I do, it will be fine.

Because I am enough as I am. Perfect or inperfect.

And this applies to the inside as well as the outside. I actually stopped ‘beautifying myself’ — wearing make-up and all that and prefer myself this way even more. Its realness, the true me, my essence.

And I don’t need to cover it up by layers of artificial perfection.

When I look at myself I see how healthy my skin looks thanks to my exercise and eating well and there’s no need for external intervention. My eyes shine not because of volumes of eye shadows or mascara, but because a sense of purpose and happiness is radiating through me. And I am not afraid of my mirror because I can look at myself, smile, and feel peace.

10. Losing assumptions and preoccupation with judgments

Yes, there’s a silver lining.

Remember where I’ve started from — my attitude and how I felt at the beginning? Lost, confused, frustrated, unhappy, not wanting to be where I ended up being?

And where am I now? Did the situation change?

It has not. But I’ve changed in it. My attitude, approach and perspective is the only thing that changed.

So here’s my last learning to share with you.

Generally speaking, I believe in relativity of experiences, meaning I don’t think there are good or bad ones. Most of them are neutral. They are what we make them be. Because we blow the emotion to them based on our mindset — attitude and a perspective we chose to see them from.

Feelings are not what drives experiences, it’s our mindset that drives our them and our feelings towards them.

Yesterday, ex and I went long-distance cycling and the unwanted happened, my bike got a flat tire. Now, if you’re 20 miles away from home, it’s a disaster, right?

Well, I didn’t see it as a disaster, neither did he. We looked for solutions, like finding the nearest bike shop, or a bus stop to take a bus back home. But well, a bike shop was too far and bus drivers didn’t want to take us in as our bikes are not foldable. So what did we do? Found another solution. He cycled home and came to pick me and the bike up by car. It’s given him the cycling experience he was looking for and I ended up doing yoga and reflecting in the park. Terrible experience? Not really.

Because we chose it not to be.

And so our experiences can be everything we choose them to.

And as our opinions tend to change over time, it’s useless to preoccupy ourselves with assumptions and judgment towards something before we actually get to experience it for ourselves and see the result.

It’s easier and incredibly rewarding to choose non-judgment, even if it seems difficult at the beginning. It allows us to make so much more out of what we’re given.

So here’s the end of my story. I hope I’ve shown you something to learn from and expand your vision.

Thank you for your patient listening.

Here’s what I do when I am not contemplating life or writing. Feel free to connect with me for a chat over here or at [email protected]

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