Basic Sex Advice (That Most People Don’t Follow)

13 lesser-known tips for better sex

You’d be surprised how often some of the most basic sex advice gets overlooked.

A lot of the sex advice you’ll read about in blogs or come across in forums is going to focus a lot on techniques, methods, and tricks you can do with your hands and tongue to make someone come.

You can find great tips on flirting, some advice about how to amp up the foreplay, and some questionable methods for seducing someone.

There’s no shortage of detailed breakdowns on how to eat pussy like your life depended on it, how to give award-winning head, how to finger a lady like a boss, and how to jerk a guy off so well he swears off masturbation.

That’s all great, fantastic, important, and I am completely here for it (though please feel free to keep wanking, no matter how skilled your partner is).

But there are a few pieces of advice that don’t get covered that often, maybe because they’re considered too basic or they’re easy to overlook.

They’re not all as sexy as “pump your hand up and down the shaft when you’re giving head” but they’re still things people should know before they pull their dick out of their pants or pull their panties off their sweet peach.

Even though they’re rarely covered, they can make a huge difference to how good you are at sex, how much your partner enjoys fucking you, and how satisfied you are with the whole experience.

So, I’ve put together some of the sex advice I wish I could see more often and some that I wish I had learned sooner.

Wash Your Hands Before Sex

This is something I’ve seen women complain about, and with good reason. Their guys don’t wash their hands before sex. In some cases, they don’t always wash their hands after using the washroom at all.

That’s a big no.

Yes, you can find plenty of porn where fingers, tongues, and cocks go right from ass to pussy. But most of us take a lot of care to make sure everything down there stays clean and uncontaminated.

Messing that up by having unclean hands can take your lady right out of the mood. And it might be harder for her to focus on what you’re doing with your hands if she’s too busy worrying about where they’ve been.

And it’s not just because we’re squeamish about germs (though, yuck). It’s because we run some risks we’d rather not take.

Unwashed hands can mean UTIs, and UTIs are not worth getting fingered for. No matter how well you hit her G-spot, it won’t win you any favors if she has to walk of shame her way through the pharmacy to get antibiotics.

Even if you wash them regularly, do her a favor and give your heads an extra scrub before sex. It’s a simple move but it will mean a lot to her.

Don’t Keep Condoms in Your Wallet

Single guys should always be carrying condoms when they go out because, hey, you never know. Partnered dudes who are hoping for some impromptu sex outside the house should probably have one just in case, too.

The wallet seems like the natural place to carry it. It fits, it’s convenient, and it’ll be there when you’re ready. And because guys don’t have to deal with pocketless dresses, they don’t tend to carry a lot of accessories designed just to hold shit. So, it limits their options.

But the wallet is a pretty bad place for storing condoms because whatever you keep in your wallet will be subject to friction.

Every time you open it, close it, pull something out of it, or sit on it, there can be some rubbing going on. Over time, that can tear open the package or wear down the condom that’s inside of it. And a worn down condom won’t do the things it’s supposed to do.

So what are your options?

You could keep your condom in a fanny pack, but that might decrease your odds of actually getting to use it.

Your best bet is to keep it in your nightstand or your dresser at home. When you go out, slip it in your pocket, your backpack, or whatever you’ve got that can carry it. Then, when you get back home, store it away again if you haven’t had the opportunity to use it.

If your wallet is still your only decent option, be sure to take the condom out of it at the end of every day. Don’t use it as long-term storage.

Pee After Sex

This one is like washing your hands before sex because it’s all about preventing UTIs.

Peeing after sex basically flushes out the bacteria that might have made its way into your urinary tract while you were fucking. Sex involves two bodies getting incredibly close and intimate, all sorts of bodily fluids, sweat, hands and mouths, and whatever the hell else you bring into it. It’s fun as fuck but it has a lot of potential for bacteria to makes its way where it shouldn’t.

You might have some romantic ideas about falling asleep in each other’s arms right after fucking and cuddling, but it’s not worth it. Once you’ve settled down, excuse yourself to go to the bathroom. Because you won’t be feeling so romantic if it burns when you pee a couple of days later.

Listen (Like, Actually Listen)

This is one of those things everyone assumes they already do when it comes to sex and yet so many people get it wrong.

Being attentive is an important part of having good sex. And the most basic way to be attentive is to listen to what your partner is telling you to do and do it.

Simple enough, right? But too few people do it.

I’ve heard of a lot of guys who think the best thing they can do to really satisfy a woman is give her more pleasure than she can handle. So when she tells them to stop, that she’s done, or simply whispers “Whew, no more!” he’ll keep going anyway.

The thinking seems to be that she might’ve loved that orgasm, but she ain’t seen nothing yet. Wait until she gets even more stimulation and comes even harder.

Except, that’s not how it works. She knows when she’s done. She knows when she hits the point where more stimulation isn’t actually going to give pleasure. She’s hit the peak already. Giving her more isn’t going to change that.

Unless you’re engaged in some consensual power play and you’ve already agreed to some kind of orgasm torture or orgasm control, then stop when she stops you. And even if you are doing a power exchange, stop when you hear her safe word.

You should listen to her when she says “stop,” but you should also listen when she says “don’t stop.”

That’s a common issue, too. Women will tell guys “don’t stop” — and then he stops.

She’s asking, pleading, or begging for him to keep giving her the exact same stimulation, to keep doing exactly what he’s doing. And instead, he takes it as his cue to switch things up, speed up, go harder — anything but keeping the same steady pace she asked him for.

That tends to result in a lost orgasm, a ruined orgasm, or a weaker orgasm — and one frustrated lady.

The thing that’s so great about sex talk is that it’s usually brief, extremely straightforward, and right to the point. When you have sex, you’ll hear a lot of instructions like “stop,” “don’t stop,” “more,” “softer,” “faster,” and “just like that.” All you have to do is follow them to the letter.

Don’t Douche

Your vagina is a very self-sufficient organ. It can maintain itself really well on its own. Douching interferes with that maintenance.

Seriously, let your vagina do its thing. You can wash your vulva with soap, but any further than that and it’s water only. Otherwise, you’ll be messing with your body’s natural pH levels. And messing with those increases your risk of infection.

Women who douche tend to do it because they worry about the way they smell or taste. It seems like the right solution — the more clean it is, the more likely it’ll be spring fresh. Except that’s not actually how it works. The more you mess with it, the more likely it is to smell worse.

You don’t need to futz with your vagina at all. Pussy tastes like pussy. Anyone who is a fan of it will be able to appreciate that.

Own the Right Kinds of Lube

I regularly see people recommend lube — though not nearly enough if you ask me. But I still wish the advice was more thorough.

One problem with a lot of the advice is that people still treat using lube like it’s admitting defeat. Like, if you can’t get her wet, you’ll have to squirt some of this stuff on your cock before plunging in.

That’s definitely one use of it. Lube is great for dryness, stoner chicks who get cotton pussy, and those times when your brain’s in the game but your body decided to check out for some reason. And I’m really grateful for lube when that’s the situation I’m in.

But lube is also really fucking fun to use. Even if you don’t actually need it, you can still use it recreationally.

It can make fucking better. It can make blowjobs easier and last longer. It makes everything you touch slick and smooth.

Sex feels amazing as it is, and lube takes it up one more notch. What’s not to love about that?

The other problem is that most of the advice to use lube either doesn’t specify what kind of lube you should use or just recommends using water-based lube.

Water-based lube is all-purpose and if you buy a quality one, you’ll be fine to use it for anything you want to use lube for. But if you never try silicone-based lube, you’re missing out.

Silicone lube is slicker, lasts longer, and is waterproof. It’s my favorite kind of lube to play with. The only downside is that it shouldn’t be used with silicone sex toys. If you’re using any of those, stick to water-based lube. Otherwise, treat yourself to silicone.

There are oil-based lubes, too. The big downside with those is that they can’t be used with condoms because they can wear down the material. I also don’t personally recommend them for vaginal sex because they can carry bacteria and could cause infections, but a lot of women swear by them and use them without any problems.

But they’re a favorite for a lot of guys when it comes to masturbation and there’s definitely no harm in using them to give a very pleasurable handjob.

Flavored lubes are fun, too. They’re for oral sex, obviously, and some are legitimately delicious.

Make lube part of your fun. Buy a few kinds, try them out, and use different ones for different purposes. The bottles are usually small, so your drawer can handle them even if you start amassing a small collection.

Spread the Lips

This is one of those very simple, very basic things that I probably should have known from the start. But nope, I learned it kind of late.

Maybe I would’ve known this if I had explored my body more, but I was a clueless youngster. I guess I thought everything just sort of happened. Fingers rub your pussy and it feels good. A tongue licks it and it feels better. That’s it.

But then when my lips were parted and I felt a tongue and fingers right up against my most sensitive parts, it was like I had seen sunlight for the first time. I had finally discovered how good it’s supposed to feel.

Everything feels good down there. Touching the outer labia feels good. Licking the lips feels great. But holy shit does it ever make a difference when you get right up in there.

When you’re going down a lady or playing her with your fingers, spread her lips. It only takes two fingers, but it’ll have her gripping your hair and moaning like a maniac if you do it.

Don’t Go Straight for the Clit

Sex tips for men are sometimes way too oversimplified. Lots of the advice I see stick to a few points like make lots of time for foreplay, maybe don’t choke her without her permission, and most of all give her clit some attention.

All good. All important. A lot of women don’t come from penetrative sex, and a lot of the women who do are like me — the clit is still the center of her universe. It’s how we get those crazy orgasms that will make us text you for a second date.

So yes, focus on her clit. Give it lots of love.

But don’t go straight for it.

Her clit is how you’re going to give her a big climax, but take your time to get to it. Your lady needs to be warmed up before you bust out your finishing move or that finishing move won’t work.

Clit stimulation doesn’t feel as good before there’s a lot of arousal — like, more arousal than it took to get her out of her pants.

Going at it too early can also lead to some real come struggles. When the clit gets overstimulated, it can get desensitized. Now, the orgasm that would’ve come easily takes forever to achieve — if you get to it at all.

When my clit gets too much attention too early, I can end up pulling out all the stops and still getting mad at my pussy for not giving me the orgasm I really fucking want (after that much buildup, I need some release or I’ll be going to bed grumpy).

If you ever wondered why the thing that’s supposed to make her come isn’t working, this is probably why. Do give her clit plenty of love, but work your way up to it first. Wine and dine her pussy before going right for it.

Maybe Means No

I’m a coy tease. I like to be subtle and submissive. I want to be chased and seduced.

I’m the poster girl for being sly and saying “maybe” when I fully intend to get my brains fucked out.

But I still need to get to an actual yes before I want to move things ahead.

There is so much talk about consent, and that’s great. But I don’t see enough people hammering home the point that consent should be enthusiastically given — always.

As far as I’m concerned, no means no, maybe means no, and yes sometimes means no.

A “maybe” isn’t an invitation to kiss her, stick your hand down her pants, or roll on the condom and see if she gets into it.

Even shy girls say yes when they’re ready to fuck. If you’re not getting one, it’s not time to proceed yet.

When she says “maybe” it’s because she wants more flirting, more seduction, more of the things that will make up her mind.

And if you’re already fucking, that “maybe” probably means she’s not aroused enough to do the thing you asked her to do. Yes, even if you’re balls deep inside her, she might not be fully horny. Arousal comes in levels and she needs to be at Level 5 before she can unleash her dirtiest, nastiest self.

Her “maybe” is an invitation to try. It’s her way of saying she needs to be turned on more, needs to feel more connection, or needs to feel safer.

And a yes isn’t always a real yes. Sometimes, it’s a yes because the situation makes her feel awkward about saying no. Seriously, I’ve full on fucked guys because it would’ve been really uncomfortable not to.

Sometimes a yes is a yes because she feels pressured. Or because she worries about what will happen if she says no.

Don’t look for a reluctant yes, a resigned yes, or an “I guess I have to” yes. Look for an enthusiastic yes. A yes that’s in all caps with seventeen exclamation marks and nine flame emojis.

Treat anything less than an attitude that says “Fuck yes — please treat me like a bad girl and pound me so hard we leave a dent in the mattress” as a no — or at least a maybe.

Because that’s the girl you want to fuck — the girl who has that enthusiastic attitude.

Now, I know that some guys are reluctant to secure explicit consent from a girl because they worry it’ll kill the mood and ruin their chances of getting laid.

It won’t. Trust me.

Getting consent is sexy. And I don’t mean that as a platitude — I can legit get wet from a guy making me feel safe.

Being asked about my boundaries or being told “We won’t do anything you don’t want to do” gives me permission to let go and be as open and dirty as I want to be. That kind of safety turns me the fuck on.

Worrying that someone won’t take my boundaries seriously or doesn’t even know them, though? That’s what kills the mood.

Presence Matters More Than Technique

You can memorize all the techniques you want, but it won’t make much of a difference if you’re not bringing the right attitude in the sack.

A few tricks will help. Having good form can make her come harder. But what matters most is being right there in the moment with her.

Being fully present comes down to two things: paying close attention to her and enjoying yourself.

Focusing on your lady and how she’s acting, responding, and all the subtle and explicit feedback she’s giving you is going to help her get off way more than any pussy eating playlist you found deep in some Reddit thread ever will.

Plus, getting all stressed out and thinking too much about your performance is going to give off the wrong vibe. She can tell, and it won’t be as much fun for her.

So let go and just go with the flow. Most little screw ups and slip ups during sex aren’t a big deal anyway. You can recover from them, laugh them off, and keep going.

When women think of a guy who fucks really well, they think of someone who can adapt, take feedback, and make them feel connected — not just someone who has learned the perfect angle for hitting the G-spot.

And your enjoyment matters to her. A lot. Mastering pussy eating is great, but she still wants to know that you’re having an amazing time with her.

If all she wanted was something that touched her clit right, she could use sex toys. She loves fucking you because you can feel pleasure. So show her that pleasure.

Enjoy the moment. Moan and groan. Grunt and growl. Shout “fuck yeah, baby!” when she’s riding you right.

If you’re self-conscious about the way you sound, aim for low, deep sounds. Those are more in the comfort zone for most men. Grunts and guttural groans. Even just whispering “fuck” under your breath will do it.

The sounds you make and the way you look when you lose yourself in all those incredible sensations is what she wants. It makes her feel sexy. It turns her on. So, be vocal.

Keep Your Balls Clean

This is another one I’ve heard a lot of people struggle with, and it’s a huge one.

Ask any woman to list off the qualities she wants in a man, and chances are it will include smelling nice.

How you smell is a big deal for us. And it goes right down to your balls.

It’s easy for your crotch to build up a noticeable scent over the course of a day. That might be tolerable in normal circumstances, but it’s kind of a buzzkill when your underwear comes off.

When that happens, you want her to be giddy over your dick drop and excited that it’s go time — not hit by a smell she needs to adjust to.

Some companies sell wipes that you can use to give yourself a quick clean and ball powders to make sure the smell is controlled in the first place. Those are fine if you want to be extra about your balls, but you don’t need them. Just pop over to the nearest sink and freshen yourself up.

It’s a quick, easy step that she will highly appreciate. It’s also going to exponentially increase the odds of her licking your balls. So, if you’re hoping the boys will get some action, make sure they’re prepped for their close-up.

Aftercare Is a Thing

It bums me out that more people don’t talk about aftercare.

There’s lots of talk about foreplay and what you should do when you’re actually having sex. But what happens after it makes a difference, too.

Sex ending abruptly can leave you feeling really shitty. I’ll put up with it sometimes, like when the baby wakes up right after I’m done fucking my husband. At that point, I’m just thankful he didn’t cockblock me mid-foreplay.

The rest of the time, I consider it essential. It’s what makes sex feel like more than just having your body used for someone’s gratification.

Sex isn’t over when you come. But it’s also not over when you both come. You still have to connect, enjoy the post-sex glow together, and ride out the hormones that are still flowing through your bloodstream.

Make time for aftercare. Cuddle. Snuggle. Hang out. Talk each other up. Talk about what you just did — what you really liked, what you want to do again, and what blew your fucking mind.

Maybe even share a post-coital snack, because why not?

Whatever your aftercare looks like, it’s about being there with your partner. Don’t go back to scrolling through Twitter or fall asleep on them.

Plus, sex is amazing. Don’t rush off to the next thing. Savor it!

Self-Care Makes Sex Better

Confidence is extremely sexy. And sex is way better when you feel great about yourself.

When I have a surprise burst of confidence, I fuck harder, better, nastier, and can actually fully enjoy it instead of getting all up in my head.

All sorts of hot stuff is even hotter with confidence. The dirty talk sounds more certain and assertive. You’ll experiment with wild sex positions and random things you’ve seen in porn. You’ll even strip your clothes off in a sexier way.

That’s why your self-care routine is so important for sex. Doing all the little things that help you feel more confident will help you be a beast in bed.

Dress your best. Groom like it’s prom night. Give yourself a pep talk.

Hit your workout extra hard in the morning so you feel like a sexy champ.

Wear your best fragrance — perfume, cologne, beard oil, whatever makes you smell your best.

Do all the things that let you look in the mirror and think “You’re sexy. You’ve got this.” Then go and get it.

Brush Up on the Basics

There’s a lot of great advice online on how to give better handjobs, how to find the right positions for deeper penetration, and how to make anal more enjoyable.

I love that stuff. I read it, I learn from it, and I even write some of it myself.

But we all need to remember the other little things that make sex better.

Those don’t get as much air time. And I get it. It can be more fun to write an article about how to give mind-blowing head and it’s probably more tempting to read something that promises simple tricks to give her multiple orgasms.

By all means, get all the advice you can from that kind of content. But just remember that there’s a lot more to good sex than your method. Wash your hands, look for enthusiastic consent, and cuddle after blowing your partner’s mind. Because following these basic tips will help you avoid being a basic fuck.

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