At Work: You Are Not A Victim — You Are A Target Of A Bully
Reframe how you perceive yourself and you will survive
The bully boss situation at work has been a subject that has been talked about a lot lately. It used to hide in the shadows with sexual harassment. The discussion is starting to emerge about the harmful effects of that damn bully in the office.
One way that I notice is by how many people are reading my articles on bully bosses. Folks, there’s a lot of interest. And the part isn’t just coming from the targets of the bullies. The bosses are reading too. CEO’s and managers are among my readers. All of this readership tells me there’s concern about the problem. It gives me hope.
Why bully bosses exist and how they are enabled isn’t the subject of this article. Here I’m going to discuss how the person on the receiving end of the bully’s wrath, the target — can cope.
You are not a victim
As soon as your brain goes into the “victim” space, it makes you feel like you are powerless. You are not powerless. This person has targeted you. When you flip that narrative, you take back your power. Remember, do not give away your power.
No one controls you, but you
As important as your job is to your livelihood — no amount of “control” can change how you feel inside. Don’t allow that bully to define you or affect your self-esteem because they are insecure cowards who target others to make themselves feel better. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, “no one can make you feel bad without your permission.”
Find the best feeling thought at all times
No matter what is going on around you — focus your mind on what you want and not what totally sucks in your present moment. The Law of Attraction always matches your vibration and gives you more of what you focus on. If you are continually thinking, “get me out of here,” you will be in a constant circle of “get me out of here.”
Instead, picture and feel deeply and believe with deep faith what you want to have happen. Focus on how good you feel as though you already have it. Choose to feel joy, and don’t allow this bully to take that from you. It is crucial for your next step — and a lesson for you to trust in yourself. The opportunities will show up if you faithfully detach and allow them in.
Show up as your best self no matter what
Do not let the bully get the better of you. It’s easy for me to write that last sentence — but I know it’s hard to execute. I’ve been there. When the bully is around, you can’t think. After a bullying incident, you’re frazzled, and it shattered your ability to focus. When this happens, take a deep breath. Detach your mind from where you are physically for a moment and picture something that makes you happy — something that will help you shift your thoughts away from the stressor.
Another tip is to excuse yourself and get some cold water. Run it over your hands to calm down. Drink a cup of water and imagine that it’s not only hydrating you but calming you. Try it — your mind is good at relaxing your body.
In conclusion
Dealing with a bully at work is tough because you have to “go there” (whether physically or virtually) to make a living. Many have benefitted from the pandemic because company work-from-home policies have physically separated bullies from their targets. All that does is diminish their impact — they still find other ways of bullying.
As I’ve said before, only you can know how you want to handle your situation. There are very few laws that protect workers from bullies. As one attorney put it bluntly, “it’s not against the law to be an asshole.”
Jennifer Friebely is a New York-based content writer covering stories from personal development, marketing, and productivity to politics and music to whatever idea strikes. She has a 30+ year background in marketing and advertising and holds a BA in Political Science. Email her at [email protected].