When It’s Time For The Boss To Go

A bully boss is a nightmare for everyone

Sometimes employees rise through the ranks of a company because they’re good at a particular aspect of the business that made them a rising star. Or they have been with the company since its founding, perhaps for decades.

Maybe they are the child of the owner. Or, they started in the mailroom and “rose through the ranks,” as the story goes. Achieving this level does not necessarily translate to that person having the interpersonal skills to manage a team or nurture talent.

These employees sometimes wind up in major roles, putting them way over their heads. It’s key to find other ways to elevate these employees that maximizes their strengths and positions the organization for growth — and keeps them from taking down your other employees. Otherwise, they are poison.

Take, for example, sales. An excellent salesperson may not be a great manager. Their talents might be better spent focusing on clients and client services — and not on the company’s inward aspects. And, they might not even be a good teacher for a developing salesperson.

And again, a salesperson that’s narcissistic isn’t always bad — that need for constant admiration feeds their success. But put that person in management, and you’ve got a recipe for disaster.

Every personality is different. It’s critical to fit those you’re promoting within the organization to maximize their strengths and minimize their weaknesses, significantly when those weaknesses could damage morale — and worse.

So, even though someone is an outstanding employee at their current level, promoting them to a management position must be carefully weighed. This person might not know how to manage and, as a result, is insecure and winds up abusing their power and your employees. Employees that cost money to recruit, onboard, train, and cultivate. Employees that potentially leave and work for your competitors.

Weed out Poisonous Managers

Keep an eye out for these managers at your company. Weed them out — they are utterly destructive to your organization. Here are some of the signs of having a poor manager or a poorly-trained management team:

When their presence creates fear energy among employees. No employee should cringe at the sight or sound of their manager’s voice. It’s crucial to resolve these interpersonal dynamics for a team to function correctly; otherwise, it reduces productivity.

The behavior generally incapacitates bullied employees. It limits their decision-making ability while they are trying to understand the bully. They lose focus on work while trying to garner support or “get their head together” from others, particularly after a bullying incident.

Bullies affect everyone — not just their target. Often it causes the target to be more isolated. The rest of the group stays away from the target, even subconsciously for fear of being bullied next.

Creates unhealthy competition among employees — literally pitting one against the other. Another way of referring to it is triangulation — a behavior common with narcissists. Say this manager is leading a team meeting with Tom and Janet. “Tom does X, Y, and Z for me. Janet only does A, B, and C for me. What she’s doing isn’t as needed, so I changed my mind. Janet, do this, and I want it done by the end of the day or else!”

This type of dialogue is typical of a toxic manager. It’s threatening instead of cooperative. It assumes negative from the outset — immediately making an employee feel defensive. For example, a cooperative statement is if the manager had said, “Janet, do you want me to show you what’s needed or how about you try, and we’ll meet later?”

Raises voice and yells when things don’t go their way, someone makes a costly mistake, or when they are criticizing. The bully shouts as a method of exerting control and power. They are easily angered and view their direct reports as “less than” or possibly inferior or servant-like, depending on their role. Yelling and screaming are never ok.

That manager has no idea of the employees’ psychological backgrounds. And it’s no one’s business. But what is right-minded business is to ensure that every manager maintains emotional control and does not trigger anyone’s past emotional trauma.

To quote Dr. Carolyn Myss, “Someone might be in therapy because of you.” Do you want that?

Doesn’t care what their support team thinks — feels they are servants and not capable of valuable contribution. They delegate key responsibilities (often beyond the scope of their jobs) to others — “because they are so busy.” Such as forcing an employee to monitor their email, a practice frowned on by company policy — and then blames the employee for not handling something.

Controls for the sake of power — not for productivity or work quality. Whether it’s the office hours, the holiday schedule, who takes lunch, and when. The need to control is such an imperative that the pandemic has brought out compulsive dynamics. In one case, I spoke with a woman who feels her manager sees the current work from home environment as a complete loss of control because his direct reports are not physically present. Her boss told her, “I know you’re comfortable working from home, but it’s not working for me.”

She went on to tell me, “our sales are the same if not better than when the pandemic began, and we started working from home. If anything, we are happier and more productive.” But the boss has been miserable.

Her boss is the perfect example of a micromanager. They don’t trust employees to do anything — check up on their every move, looking for mistakes to be critical of them. There’s a need to correct and criticize — even if they should be checking the work in the first place.

Blames everyone but self when a mistake happens. Again — back to the insecurity. Blame, entitlement and fear are all lower-level emotions that have no place in a healthy organization.

Threatens job security — even if the threat does not exist and it’s a bluff. This heartless creature throws the threatening remark around “just because.” My friend’s boss does this — during a pandemic, no less.

Reduced productivity. As mentioned above, when under the oppression of a bully boss, underlings often have difficulty thinking clearly. Fear overtakes their focus. So, while they’re sitting at their desk trying to work, their heads can’t get into it because the boss is undermining them.

High turnover. A toxic manager creates disengaged employees at the least and, at the worst, makes good people want to leave. No one wants to work for or with someone who displays negative character traits and low emotional intelligence. These employees won’t report this person or make waves. They will find another job and leave, which most employment advisers and attorneys recommend for the benefit of their careers.

More sick days. These managers burn their direct reports out and cause them to dread work. Absenteeism is highest with these managers either because they’ve directly caused the employee to be ill or the employee needs a break. People often refer to time off as “mental health” days to get away from the toxic manager. This leads to the next point.

Mental Illness. Employees feel trapped or as though they can’t leave for whatever reason. They exhibit symptoms of anxiety, depression, and insomnia. People wind up with PTSD from these managers, sometimes needing therapy to get over the experience. Bullying affects the bottom line through increased insurance claims and even legal claims. First, employees feel emotionally ill; physically ill is usually not far behind.

Physical illness — from ulcers to migraines to heart disease and more. When someone is under miserable day-to-day oppressive supervision, it takes a physical toll. Especially an employee that feels they have no options. Prescriptions for all kinds of medications become necessary for employees of these managers. Do you want to enable that?

You can spot insecure, bully boss managers when they least expect it. And this is extremely important because they can cost you — in addition to the above points regarding your employees — these “bad apple” managers can cause negative press, lawsuits, and more. The best way to avoid and spot these managers is to know what’s going on and not hand over all of your power.

Solutions as President/CEO/Top Dog

1. Open door policy: Make sure your employees know — from the mailroom to the executive suite — that you have an actual open door policy. That you want employees to stop by and say, “hello.” To reinforce that, invite one or two employees from different workgroups to join you for lunch every week — or whatever is practicable. Create a safe space for everyone to speak about what’s going well, what could be improved, etc. Be sure to talk with each person individually. Have these lunches regularly so that you can make contact with every employee in your company. Bully bosses can’t thrive as easily when you have an open dialogue with their direct reports.
2. Walk around and say hello regularly. Check on the teams. And, if everyone is on work from home, schedule video calls.
3. Continuously reinforce company policy and culture. Clearly state the company’s culture and mission. It should be on all employee-branded materials and posters and throughout all employee break areas. The employee handbook should clearly state the consequences of inappropriate workplace behavior and the appropriate way to report such conduct.
4. As an owner, it’s essential to remain vigilant and be an example of your culture and mission every day. Show your managers how you want them to behave by treating them, managing them, and holding them accountable.
5. Depending upon the size of your company, your HR department would handle most of this for you. But, I can’t stress enough the importance of keeping in touch with your employees and being hands on. That, to me shows the mark of a true leader.

Solutions for Employees

1. Keep detailed notes of every incident — date, time, what happened, where it took place, and who was there. Do not editorialize or give any opinions like, “I think my boss was hungover.” Just facts as you see them. And it’s easier than ever to keep notes with the note function on most phones. Or you can use your voice recorder function. And, if it’s legal in your jurisdiction, you can record your supervisor’s outbursts or lousy behavior as evidence. Smartwatches and phones have come a long way in helping with these situations.
2. Talk to someone if you need to. You are not alone in this. Many people are targets of office bullies. Recognize it for what it is and work through it. Empower yourself by deciding how you want to respond to the situation.
3. Depending upon the company, check out your company’s policies regarding harassment. How far do they go, and what do they include? Some company policies prohibit certain conduct — which you can report to Human Resources (HR) and your boss’s boss. But bear in mind, you might still be working with this person, and if it’s a family-owned company, you are limited in your options. Find out what you can about your HR department before going to them. For example, has anyone else gone to HR, and what has the outcome been?
4. Request a transfer. This option is usually not optimal because, as the target, you have to leave your preferred space and job because of a bully — as though you are the victim instead of someone’s target. Consider your mental health in this. If you have the option of a transfer to get away from a toxic boss — and it will not negatively impact your career, salary, or commute — consider it.
5. Approach your supervisor, aka the bully, directly, and have a conversation. This action is helpful if you know your supervisor personally, and perhaps something else is going on. Communication is critical — and certainly can’t make it any worse. Let your boss know that their behavior is too much for you and causing you distress.
6. Remain calm and look for another job. This one is tough to swallow. It’s hard to get into job hunting and “to put yourself out there” all over again because someone is bullying you. You don’t want to feel like a victim — like you’re running away from a problem. Nonetheless — unless your company will do something about the bully, you might not have a choice.

I hope this compilation of information and experience will help you, dear reader — whether you own a company or you are an employee. As you might have noticed while reading — I’ve spent my fair share of time as a target of a bully — which resulted in hours and hours of research. I put a link to one of the articles I found most helpful at the beginning of the “More sick days” section. I was lucky and was able to move on from it. I learned a great deal from that person, but I wouldn’t wish that stress on my worst enemy. Thank you for reading — and if you are reading, I also send you good luck.

Jennifer Friebely is a New York-based content writer covering stories from personal development, marketing, and productivity to politics and music to whatever idea strikes. She has a 30+ year background in marketing and advertising and holds a BA in Political Science. Email her at [email protected].