FICTION | FANTASY | MASH-UP

Around the World in 27 Magic Brownies

Don’t do magic if you’re not ready to do the (interdimensional) traveling.

“Hello, I’m selling magic brownies today. Would you like to buy some?”

“Pew! Pew! You’re dead,” replies the little boy who opened the door. He pretends to put back his finger guns in their holsters and runs away inside the house. I wonder if I should enter, but his mother quickly replaces him on the porch.

She sees the blood coming from my finger gun wounds and starts panicking, “oh My Goodness! What happened?! I thought he was pretending!! Did he shoot you with the gun I keep with my socks in the hidden drawer upstairs? But he couldn’t have taken it! The drawer is locked, and I always keep the key with me –“

I interrupt her and show her the bottle of ketchup I stole from the diner down the road during breakfast. “I was only joking, trying to make things more realistic for your son, you know? I saw in my dreams last night that he would open the door and pretend to kill me. That’s why I brought the ketchup.”

“Are you crazy? I thought you were dying here.”

It’s time for my sales pitch.

“I’m almost dying, Ma’am! That’s why I’m selling these magic brownies today. I’m trying to survive, Ma’am, and I invested my last dollar into their fabrication process. They’re delicious, but many brownies can say that. Mine are also magic.”

I raise my arms above my head for effect, and at the same time, a falcon dives and snatches the pack of brownies from my hand. “NOOOOO,” I shout for the show. “What’s happening?! Is this your falcon? Is this a mean trick you’re playing on me?”

The woman looks confused. I know it’s not her falcon because it’s mine, but from my experience, the trick works. People feel obliged to buy me at least a pack to compensate for my loss. And they usually overpay generously.

I start crying and throw a small branch in the direction the falcon escaped. “Take that, falcon thief! You stole my pack of brownies! You destroyed my business! What am I going to do?”

The woman looks at me scornfully and calls her son. “Do your pew, pew, again, son. She’s a scammer! We don’t like their sort around here.”

The son is too happy to oblige, and pointing his gun fingers at me, he says, “PEW! PEW! You’re sent to the Bermuda Triangle.”

Shit.

I rang the door of a wizard family again.

As I fly in interdimensional finger-gun space towards the Bermuda Triangle, I remember the last time it happened. It was four years ago. I was a beginner magic brownies seller back then. It had seemed a regular house where an old couple lived with their dog and pigeon, but when my falcon had come to snatch the pack of brownies, the woman’s arm had suddenly extended and saved the brownies. And instead of giving the box back to me, she pushed it into one of her husband’s ears. The munching sounds coming from there had given me nightmares for months. Four years later, I still cry in my sleep every other month because of them.

Today’s wizard family is different. They seem to specialize in teleportation instead of weird body morphing capabilities.

The interdimensional travel lasts a few more minutes, and eventually, I land on a dingy boat in the middle of the Bermuda Triangle. Luckily, my falcon and my magic brownies are there with me. The little boy showed some mercy and included them in his spell or — more likely — his mother did.

I eat one of the magic brownies, and nothing happens as usual. Maybe next time I’ll manage to follow the recipe.

Time to row my way back home again.

Thank you for the prompt, Jonathon Sawyer

Total points: 14 Fey creature selling brownies: 2 points Pew! Pew!: 1 point Finger guns seemingly disappearing: 2 points Falcon: 1 point Throwing a branch: 1 point The Bermuda Triangle: 1 point Flashback: 5 points This summary: 1 point

Here’s the prompt:

and a story by Jonathon:

(no bonus points, but sharing is caring. Also, I like it when pigeons poop on planes.)