I Like to Shit On People

Let’s ruffle some feathers

Morning arrived, and I was feeling despondent. I pushed back hubby when he came to snuggle. He didn’t complain. He understood the situation because he knew me so well.

“What about a boom-boop-splash session this morning? I’d love to go together.”

I didn’t answer anything and picked up a braid of hair lying on the floor. Hubby knew I was only pretending to take care of our nest.

“We could start with the Volkswagon Beetle. They parked it around the corner.”

He could see I wasn’t convinced. We had already used the Beetle yesterday, and the day before, I wanted something different.

“What about the lama in the zoo down the road? It’s a bit further, but it could be fun.”

“The lama? What are you talking about?!”

“Ah! Yes. I meant the camel.”

The camel was an option — only hubby could think of starting with the camel!! It was an easy but pleasant start, and she looked funny with her big hump. She looked like she was wearing a costume too small for her.

Which reminded me of this new sofa hubby had brought home last week. It was way too big for our cozy nest, but he was so proud of himself that I had to make it fit. Maybe I could deal with it today? But first, I had to get energized.

“Yes. Let’s start with the camel. But just a small boop. I want to keep the big boom for the neighbors downstairs.”

”Of course! They deserve it after what they did last week to Karl. Chasing him like that. They scared him to death.”

“Poor, Karl. Wait! LOOK!” I said excitedly. “The neighbors are already outside walking on their stupid legs. Let’s GO! Let’s skip the camel.”

“You sure?”

I didn’t care to answer and took off. I’d show the neighbors what the liquid wrath of a pigeon looked like. It was going to be ugly. And smelly. And sticky. I would add an evil laugh if I could, but nature had only given me the power of evil shit. It was enough.

A few seconds later, hubby was by my side. Our aim was right because our cause was just. We were avenging Karl.

Boom

Boop

Splash

Bull’s-eye! It was going to be a good day after all.

This was my answer to Jonathon Sawyer’s prompt. Pretty sure I scored seven hundred points, but I submitted the story too late, and it didn’t count for the challenge. See the winners here:

Read more of my stories there: