Are You Living Life By Default?
Get intentional and build a life by design instead
Back when I used to work in digital advertising, we would talk about the Rule of Defaults, which states that 95% of people won’t go to the trouble of changing settings on their devices. The example that stood out most was how 95% of PC users would use Internet Explorer as their “browser of choice,” because it was the default setting on the computer.
This is a perfect example of Newton’s first law of motion, which states that objects at rest stay at rest, while objects in motion stay in motion, unless acted upon by an external force — also known as inertia.
So why should you care about browser settings or the laws of inertia? Two reasons come to mind, one, the old Zen proverb — How you do anything is how you do everything — and two, default settings are meant to benefit the people who set them, not the person who has to live with them.
Living life in survival mode
Ever walk into a room and hear someone utter one of the following:
“My dating life sucks right now . . . join the club!”
“I can’t stand my job . . . join the club!”
“I never have enough time to go to the gym . . . join the club!”
F@*K THOSE CLUBS…
The above statements seem innocent enough on the surface, but they are literally the express lane to hell, do not pass go, do not collect $200, just go straight to hell. Now I’m not talking about the Judeo-Christian Hell of the Bible, but of our own self-imposed hell — a hell full of self-doubt and insecurity, jealousy and fear, complaints and resentments.
More often than not, those statements are uttered by people who are “just surviving” or “getting by,” taking whatever life sends their way. They don’t take the time to get clear on what matters to them, and what it is they want out of life.
We all know, or have people in our lives who take every chance they can to complain when the “wrong” thing happens, but I always find myself wondering, what was it that they wanted to happen anyway…what was “the right thing?”
“Our plans miscarry because they have no aim. When a man does not know what harbor he is making for, no wind is the right wind.” — Seneca
If you don’t know what your goal is, how will you know if you have succeeded?
If you don’t know what you intend to happen, how will you know when it does?
If you don’t know what you want, how will you know when it shows up at your front door?
How you do anything is how you do everything
Getting intentional
It comes down to one word in my opinion — “CHOICE.” We are infinitely powerful choice makers, we are the authors of our reality, the protagonists of our tale, the heroes and heroines with a thousand faces.
You and I are essentially infinite choice-makers. In every moment of our existence, we are in that field of all possibilities where we have access to an infinity of choices. — Deepak Chopra
The minute I changed the quality of my choices, I changed the quality of my life, and its direction.
Last week as I turned 43. I stopped to take stock of my life, to look at the gap and the gain, where I was a year ago, as compared to where I am today. This year I celebrated my wins rather than focusing on the to-dos that I just didn’t get…to do.
I looked at the gain with joy, love, and happiness — I studied the gap with compassion, kindness, and forgiveness. I reminded myself that there is always another level in life, and that in this life of permanent impermanence, we are always either evolving or devolving, as change is the only constant.
Shifting our lives from default, to design is a hard and long process of changing your personal reality, which according to neuroscientist and best selling author Dr. Joe Dispenza, requires us to change our personality. To question our likes and dislikes, to question why we do things, to question our motives, and to uncover our WHY.
“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.” — Nietzsche
Start with Why
A life by design requires getting clear on your WHY, getting clear on the things you want in life, getting clear on your goals and your objectives, and getting clear on what meaning your life is making right now.
Anyone involved in personal development will tell you that transformation is a messy business. It means sitting in your shit and looking at it. It means sleepless nights followed by the darkest of days. It can even mean blood, sweat, and tears. None of it is any fun, which is the reason you need a strong and powerful WHY before you start changing all your default settings.
Your WHY is at the center of everything and it is also the light at the end of the tunnel, so make sure it is big and it is yours.
Don’t go chasing down other people’s WHYs. Yours need to be personal. Your WHY is something that will get you excited about the new days and weeks to come.
Best selling author and speaker, Simon Sinek, wrote a book on this topic called, “Start with Why, and his epynomynous TED Talk is one of the most viewed in the world.
Once you have a powerful WHY, you can begin to get clear on the what it is that you want in your life. As soon as you get intentional, and start making powerful choices to improve your life, you go from living in a world of “cause and effect,” to a world where you begin, “causing an effect.”
Living by design
“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” — Wayne Dyer
When I started to get intentional about my life, when I got clear on my WHY, I went from surviving, to thriving and began to look forward to anything and everything. I went from not being able to sleep because I couldn’t stand the thought of another meaningless day, to not being able to sleep from excitement over the new day to come.
I am grateful for everything and I love life. I try to live my life every day by the Stoic credo — Amore Fati — which is to love one’s fate.
If we truly are the architects and designers of our own lives, isn’t it time we took some pride in our work and designed a life worth living, a life in which we have nothing whatsoever to complain about.
“Life isn’t fully measured by how many days we live, but rather by how many days we have lived fully.” — Dima Lozovsky
