Are Children Responsible For Their Aging Parents?
A child who raised himself, with irresponsible parents who didn’t do much to help him, doesn’t feel obligated to help them when they get old.
I visited a 90-year-old female in an assisted living home yesterday. She is the mother of six children, five boys and one girl. Her husband died in 1989 and she raised those children by herself. They moved her out of her home and are selling it, unknown to her. She has dementia. I wondered, ‘couldn’t one of those children moved in with her and take care of her? Or could they all unite and take turns caring for her?’
Studies have shown that the elderly will live longer if they stay in their home.
Why does our world make aging feel like it's a punishment?
Listening to Alton and Joseph talking.
“Glen should do more to care for his parents,” Alton said. “They gave him life and he owe them.”
“But he is eking out a living for himself,” Joseph fires at him.
“That’s not his parents’ problems,” Alton responds.
“Say what!” Joseph barks. “I know Glen, the only thing he owes them is life.”
“That’s what I said,” Alton reminds him.
“And how much does his life is worth to them?” Joseph demands.
“Well, knowing his life and worth, nothing,” Alton said.
“And you don’t think they had anything to do with his life worth nothing?”
Swaying his head from left to right, various thoughts spin around with his movement, “thinking about it, they didn’t do much to help him as a child. They hardly raised him,” his memory jumped back to their childhood.
“He raised himself with the help of our parents, and others in the community,” Joseph recalls.
“Yeah, he was raised by a village. But what happened to him? How come he is eking out a living?” Alton asks.
“My mother warned them, if you don’t do your best for your child, the little they have when they become an adult, must first go to their children. Then mom and dad will be left out into the cold.”
“But he has no children,” Alton reminds.
“Then the little he earns he must take care of his needs and self-first!”
“That’s cruel!” Alton exclaimed.
“Think,” Joseph elaborates. “A child who raised himself, with irresponsible parents who didn’t do much to help him, doesn’t feel obligated to help them when they get old.”
“So, who does he feel obligated to help?”
“Mrs. Jackson, his teacher who helped him. Mr. Philip, another teacher/father, was there for him when he needed a father. Sophie Andrews, who cooks and cleans for him. Christine Melbourne who helps him to fill out one of the many applications that got him hired and take him to and from work when he needs her help. And a few others who were there for him, doing what his parents should,” Joseph informs.
“His parents really weren’t there for him?” Alton asked again, his thoughts on his parents who did their best, who died years ago.
“Like you said, all he owes them for, is his life. He is over fifty years old and is still fighting life earning minimum wage.”
“Do you think if they had done more for him his life would be better?” Alton asked.
“He is good with his hands. He should have learned a trade. Better parents would have seen his abilities, then guide and direct him along the right path. I think his life would have been better,” Joseph said in regret.
Alton sighs, “It’s still cruel. I thank God I was there for my children.”
“That still doesn’t guarantee that they will be there for you,” Joseph alerts him.
“Hey, I am a great father so they will feel obligated to take care of me,” burst from his thoughts.
Nodding, Joseph went on, “That still doesn’t guarantee that they will.”
“Then what will?” He questioned, his eyes aimed at Joseph.
“How you live and plan for old age. Your health, competence, independence, assets etc. With the right plans and decision someone will always be there. Most of us want our children, whether we were there for them or not.”
Alton sighed, missing his parents, then said unconsciously, “so children are no longer old age pension.”
“No matter how well we treat our children, we cannot guarantee that they will look back or not. It no longer becomes a responsibility or an obligation. For some, it’s a decision based on how good of a parent you were and the heart of your child/children.”
“But we take care of them, and they can’t find the time to take care of us when we get old,” Alton complained.
“That’s life,” Joseph said. “That’s why I plan carefully for my old age. Because the more you have, the more your children will want to hang around.”
Alton sighed, then repeated, “Children are no longer old age pension!”
Our world is changing. In some cultures, children take care of their parents whether they have a penny or a dollar. But, for some children, it will go back to what their parents did to them. My mother was cruel to me and destroyed my hopes and dreams. But I still did the right thing no matter what.
Not all of us can do what is to be done while enduring the trauma we are forced to live with from the ones who are supposed to love and protect us as children. The pain and trauma take years to heal for some, and for others, it never leaves.
Can humans get back to being humans so kindness can grow and spread?
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