Anxiety Includes Tummy Aches And Trouble Sleeping
Anxiety takes many forms, including crying in the bathroom at work.
Invisible anxiety
People think that anxiety is having a panic attack or not liking big crowds. That is some of what anxiety is, but it’s so much more than that.
Anxiety shows up in each and every one of our lives — but in very different ways and severity levels. For individuals that steer towards perfectionism, our internal anxiety shows up differently externally — and we are often praised for it. This reinforces our anxiety with subtle messages that signal we must keep working overtime to keep above water.
From the outside, those of us with anxiety are seen as people who “have our shit together” are “always on time.” We are “are super organized.” But, on the inside, we have a constant tummy ache, are crying in the bathroom at work, and have a difficult time turning off our brains and falling asleep.
Anxiety is a tricky thing. It often wears different masks and is quite sneaky in how it shows up in each of our lives. Here are some of the most common polarizations from what people see (external) and what you feel (internal) experiences.
Internal and external
Example 1
- What people see: always on time
- What you feel: instant tummy ache if I think I am going to be one minute late to something
Example 2
- What people see: strong work ethic
- What you feel: fear of being fired over the littlest things and / or disappointing my boss
Example 3
- What people see: always in control
- What you feel: something will go wrong if I do not do everything myself
Example 4
- What people see: good at planning
- What you feel: I need to be prepared in case bad things X, Y or Z happens
Example 5
- What people see: always organized
- What you feel: I have to be organized so I don’t get overwhelmed and have a meltdown
Example 6
- What people see: super helpful
- What you feel: If I say “no” they will think that I don’t care about them
Example 7
- What people see: zen and relaxed
- What you feel: if I do not meditate, do yoga, and breathe, I am going to lose my sh*t
Example 8
- What people see: self-assured
- What you feel: “Do not listen to anxiety, you got this, you got this, you got this….”
Example 9
- What people see: calm and composed
- What you feel: * Just finished crying in the bathroom… * “I can do this”
You’re multifaceted
Give yourself some space to be both on time but also to share that it causes you tummy aches. To be self-assured while knowing you have to be calm in the moment but remember that you just got done crying in the bathroom.
We all have lots of different parts inside of us, but oftentimes we have a few that want to dominate and shine brightest. Create some space for others, too.
I am Shannon Gonter and I specialize in working with men and young adults. I strive to create a counseling environment where men and young adults can relate, feel heard, and find new solutions to their negative patterns. Some issues that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions, and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others.
This article was originally published at therapybyshannon.com on October 7, 2020. Edited for length and clarity in Enriched Couples by Annette Miller.
