Can’t Do Therapy Right Now? Try These 5 Therapeutic Activities
Tips to get started doing therapeutically helpful things while on the waitlist.
“I almost canceled this appointment today.”
“I think I’ll be too depressed next week.
“I forgot.”
“My car broke down.”
I have been a therapist for more than 24 years and have had plenty of experience with a client’s reluctance to see me. It plays out over and over again in false starts like these.
Sometimes it starts with not showing up for your first appointment — which you were so grateful to get last week. Or it’s canceled appointments, no-shows, or confessions. It can be hard to get started with a therapist, particularly if you are already depressed or anxious. How could you get started doing things that are therapeutically helpful without seeing a therapist?
Once you get started working together things fall into a more comfortable rhythm and become easier. Most people have good results from the relationship. But first, you have to get started.
Perhaps you can’t get into therapy because you:
- have no insurance, can’t spare the money
- don’t have the time or patience
- called every number you can find, but no one is getting back to you
- find a therapist not taking new clients, or they’re rude
In such situations, it might be helpful to see if you might be able to reproduce some of the good things about therapy on your own, just as a temporary measure, while you’re waiting.
The five benefits of therapy are things I’ve seen happen when you start going to a therapist. Each of these steps has corresponding actions you can take at home in preparation for therapy. Let’s look at each one of the activities in the context of in therapy and outside therapy, along with some suggestions for how to take action.
#1) Caring people in your corner
In therapy. In therapy, the therapist is one person in your corner. In fact, that is the exact nature of the relationship. If a therapist takes you on as a client, he or she accepts the role of a person who believes in you, wants you to succeed. That is the job description.
Outside therapy. You may want to look over your list of possibilities. Is there someone near or far, living or not, who truly cares about you? A neighbor, spouse, grandparent, teacher, coach?
Some people really don’t have anyone. I’ve met them, so I believe you if you say it's true. Do you have a dog or cat? A bird? Really try to be honest here. If there is no one, I will believe you. What about a higher power, a value?
#2) Find a place to talk freely
Inside therapy. In psychotherapy, you get a safe place to vent. You really can’t talk freely to just anyone, right? A therapist is legally, professionally, and ethically bound to keep your communications confidential.
A therapist does not live with you, is not a relative or friend. You don’t have to worry about hurting her feelings or his ego, or any of that stuff. You can say whatever needs saying. Furthermore, a professional knows that you need to be able to talk freely and won’t hold it against you.
Outside therapy. This is an easy one. A journal is often a very good temporary substitute for a therapist. I’ll give you a few rules, though. Make sure no one can get into it, you want to be able to say whatever you need to say. Don’t censor or nag about your spelling or grammar. Allow yourself to be rotten and bitchy and self-centered. This is not a writing class. Describe what you are feeling, your thoughts, reactions, evil plans for revenge. You can trash it all afterward if necessary.
Be sure to write about times when you are feeling good as well as times when you feel bad. Don’t read over and over the bad stuff. It might make you feel worse. In fact, you don’t have to read it over at all, just let yourself vent on paper if you feel like it, then put it away. It will help.
#3) Build a mindfulness routine
In therapy. A therapist helps you stay grounded. No matter what you are going through, the therapist can help you stay safe, stay in your body. They remind you to breathe, to locate your discomfort in your body, and make some peace with it before you leave. Learning to go through difficult memories or feelings while breathing, staying present, is an invaluable skill. It reminds you that you have survived so far and in this moment you are ok.
Outside therapy. This may be hard to do on your own unless you’ve already learned to do it. Mindfulness is one technique that works well. Yoga teaches ways to breathe that can help you remain calm. There are techniques such as tapping on or holding acupressure points that are helpful, but you would need someone to teach you these.
If you are on your own, your best bet is to do something with your hands such as drumming, knitting, coloring, or with your feet, such as walking, dancing, or running. Moving your body can help you process difficult feelings while remaining grounded. So, find a physical activity you enjoy and then dance, sing, color, drum, run, or kick your way through difficult feelings.
#4) Make a simple structure for yourself
In therapy. Therapy gives you a structure. It is simple but it is there. You show up at this time and that place to talk to your therapist. I have that appointment on Monday and I’ll deal with these problems then. For now, I am free to attend to other things.And then, every week, even if they’ve ignored their issues for days on end, as the appointment day comes near, the client begins to plan for it, either do their assignment or thinks of a good reason for not doing it. Though it doesn’t always work out, the regular attendance to your issues, to the things you said you wanted, the bad habits that get in the way of them, and your patterns of dealing with all this are brought to mind and they are dealt with again and again.
Outside therapy. A regular therapy appointment is one way to structure self-care for yourself. But you could make a different kind of structure. Say, spend fifteen minutes writing in your journal, talking to a friend, walking in the woods, or reading an uplifting book. Decide on one thing you will do every day to take care of yourself. Then stick to it until it becomes a habit.
Look for the person, or pet, or important value in your corner, find some paper or an old notebook to write in, read a little bit about yoga breathing, and start practicing taking belly breaths or try a mindfulness app such as Headspace or Calm. Then, think about a good time to attend to your issues every day and make a commitment to take that time every day for the next week — best make it a short time, 5–10 minutes, for best results. None of these things will hurt you and could start a few good feelings, which, oddly enough, can snowball into a good mood.
#5) Make the investment in yourself
In therapy. Part of the structure of therapy is that you must pay a price. Whether the cost is in the form of a copayment, a drive to the office, and an hour of your time, or maybe in a promise to be honest or to do homework, you must pay the price for going to therapy. If you don’t invest in the process one way or another (monetarily or otherwise), you probably will not change.
Outside therapy. You need to pay for yourself to get well. What are you willing to do to get better? If you don’t have money, how about time, or attention? Would it be helpful to begin volunteering to help stack wood for an elderly neighbor as a way to heal yourself? Or some other kind of volunteer work? Research has shown that volunteer work whether formal or informal has many health benefits for the volunteer.
Do you want to donate a dollar to a charity every time you forget your commitment to yourself? Or put aside a dollar every time you take time to do something helpful for your mental health. I prefer to stack up rewards rather than punishments (like you do in a “swear jar”, for instance), but you decide.
Sharing your emotions, thoughts, life story, failings, and successes with another person is sometimes painfully difficult. On top of that, there are times when you know you probably should see a therapist, but for one reason or another, you can’t. When that’s the case, give these 5 tips a try.
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