Another Reason Why the Advice “Never Give Up” Is Garbage

It’s not just about doing what’s best for you.

Have you ever given up on a dream? If not a dream, maybe a goal, career, or relationship? Even if the decision was a painfully difficult one to make, chances are you’re better off for it.

However, society tends to have it out for those who consider giving up. Take a look at some of the mantras that permeate our culture.

You didn’t come this far to only come this far.

You can find an excuse or you can find a way.

If you’re tired of starting over, stop giving up.

Tough times don’t last; tough people do.

The list goes on.

I’m a firm believer that not only should we give up when the situation calls for it, we’re obligated to do so.

Obligated may sound extreme, but let me explain.

Chances are if you’re reading this, you’re either considering giving up on something or you’re trying to come to terms with something you gave up on. Maybe it was a lifelong dream that didn’t work out. Maybe you’re thinking about giving up on a career that is starving your soul. Perhaps you’ve given up on a relationship and are unsure if you made the right decision.

Regardless, I’m here to argue that giving up is not a selfish, in-it-for-me decision. Giving up is a two-way street, one that is not only best for you, but best for who or what you “give up” on.

Approaching the act of giving up as a mutually beneficial decision will not only make it easier for you to follow through, you’ll be much more at peace with the end result.

Have you already given up without realizing it?

If you’re asking yourself if you should give up on something, you’re going to want to ask yourself a follow-up question:

Have I already given up?

This is an important question to ask yourself because it cuts to the core of the situation.

Let’s say you’re in a relationship and the thought of giving up has crept into your mind. If you ask yourself if you’ve already given up without realizing it and the answer is “yes,” not only are you hurting yourself, you’re hurting your significant other.

If you’ve unconsciously thrown in the towel, you’ve already distanced yourself from your partner; you’ve disengaged and are more concerned about self-preservation than the growth and future of your relationship.

As one can understand, nothing good comes from slipping into this state of mind, for you or your partner.

The same principle can be applied to other areas of life as well: your job, dreams, goals, friends, or even your family. While this isn’t to say that all hope is lost and you must cut the cord, every situation is different, the point is you’re not the only one involved in your decision to quit.

Giving up isn’t just about you, and that’s a good thing.

How can quitting and impacting others in the process be a good thing? Very easily, actually. You just need to shift your mindset.

If you’ve reached a point where you’ve already given up and now it’s a matter of taking the final step, you need to accept how giving up is going to benefit those impacted by your decision.

Going back to the example of ending a relationship, without getting into semantics let’s examine how giving up on the relationship could benefit your partner.

Giving up:

• Sets them free from a relationship you’ve already given up on.
• Saves them the heartache of a prolonged downward spiral.
• Allows them to find the right match more quickly.
• Helps them learn valuable relationship lessons.

Will breaking up with your partner be difficult and/or painful? Yes, but doing so is not just the right thing for you, it’s usually the right outcome for them, too.

When you grasp this concept you, in essence, become obligated to give up. Or looking at it another way, not giving up would be a selfish act.

Where does finding peace come into play?

When most people contemplate giving up on something, they perseverate over the decision at hand and if they should take that official step. Their focus turns toward the negative parts of giving up and away from the positives.

Once you embrace how giving up will not only benefit you but also benefit others, giving up, though difficult, brings a sense of peace. This peace is much needed during such an emotional time, making it easier to accept the need to move on with our lives.

The next time you’re faced with the decision to give up, remember how doing so will be a net benefit for you and those your decision impacts. This isn’t to say that giving up is easy or painless, but it does bring peace and closure to that chapter in life. It’s also is a reminder that regardless of what society says, giving up is perfectly okay when the situation calls for it.

Sometimes you did come this far only to come this far and that’s okay; you’re now primed to start fresh somewhere else, giving yourself the chance to go much farther.

You’re also allowing those who are impacted by your decision the chance to go farther, and that should bring you a sense of peace, not pain.

My current predicament.

I’m currently toiling with the decision to give up or soldier on with a particular endeavor I’m involved in.

For the past three years, I’ve served as a youth group ministry leader at my church. Beginning with 6th-grade boys who are now in 8th, I’ve had the chance to help bring these kids closer to Christ while striving to be a positive Christian role model.

Even so, my heart isn’t in it to the level I’d expect. When Wednesday evenings roll around, oftentimes the last thing I want to do is lead a group of rambunctious 8th graders in Bible study. I struggle to find the energy and motivation to keep the group on task, and what should be Bible study turns into an hour and a half of basketball and conversation about video games.

I don’t want to give up on my church which desperately needs volunteers. I don’t want to give up on the kids who I’ve had a chance to shepherd over the past few years.

Yet, I might be obligated to give up for my church and my group to thrive; just as I might be obligated to give up so I can serve in a capacity that better suits me, which will ultimately better suit others.

Either way, there’s peace to be found if I call it quits, and I’m confident I’ll continue my ministry work in another capacity.

We sometimes struggle to give up because of the blinding nature of our pride. In the moment we feel like failures and are worried about how we’ll be viewed, instead of focusing on the good that can come from moving on.

If we reframe giving up as something that is best not just for us but others as well, we can move on in peace knowing we’re doing what’s right for everyone. We’re also free to humbly move in a new direction, applying the lessons learned to an endeavor better suited for us and others.

The next time you feel like you can’t give up, think about how failing to do so could be the worst thing for others; both for who you’re impacting now and who you’re failing to impact in the future.

Soon enough you’ll feel obligated to do so, and you’ll be well on your way to finding peace.

You’ll be well on your way to finding yourself.

In her piece, “I’m Going Back to the Service Industry,” Madison Sasser talks about letting go of her dream in favor of bringing her authentic self to work. A great example of when and how we can go about “giving up.”

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