It’s Wireless (in)Fidelity!
And Now TikTok Uses WI-FI!! What’s Next?
Well, I’m gonna tell you what’s next, and it’s scary.
When I learned from a congressional hearing TikTok was using my Wi-Fi at home, I got scared.
I wasn’t surprised because something like this was bound to happen after all the shady business involving spy balloons.
But if the Chinese government could steal my Wi-Fi password, did it mean they also had access to my bank account, my secret folder with sexy pictures of my heroes, and, worse, my connected fridge?
What if they decided to mess with my American way of life and prevent my fridge from crushing ice or renew my coca-cola subscription? What would be next, depriving me of the processed, extra-sugar sweetened, and full of antibiotics residues ready-to-eat dishes my fridge usually orders for dinner?
I couldn’t allow that.
I knew that without reaction, TikTok would polarize my brain and force me to vote for the wrong candidate in the next presidential election. It’s complicated, and I didn’t understand everything, but I know it’s true because they said it on Badger News.
Good thing I didn’t get vaccinated because God knows what TikTok would be capable of if it accessed the microchips in my blood. I prefer not to think (about it).
For safety reasons, I changed my Wi-Fi password to TrumpIsWatchingYou2024 to scare the TikTok spies away.
Of course, I gave the new password to Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter because these are all great American companies with which I can safely share my data.
They respect the first amendment and the twenty-six others.
Can TikTok say the same in its terms and conditions? I don’t know; I don’t speak Chinese. But I know American social media companies would never give my data to a third-party consulting company for political advertising purposes. Never.
If TikTok wants my data, they should pay for it. I’m not cheap, but if China can afford nearly $1 trillion of US debt, they can also pay for videos of my kids at Disneyworld.
Read more political analysis by Smillew now! And subscribe to my Top Hat Seminar to keep your pulse on the news and discover what will happen tomorrow before everybody else.