Anal Sex from the Bottom Up: Part III

A practical beginner’s guide to anal sex and consent for women

If you have read this far, then anal sex may well be for you, and you should be ready for him after a week of using a vibrator at the very most. The wait has its advantages, not least because you can spend it thinking about what you would like him to do for you in exchange for this tremendous favour. Every relationship is a trade, and you might as well make that trade explicit as well as consensual. In the context of a long-term relationship I have been known to be quite mercenary in this respect, and it is amazing what the average guy is prepared to do in return for having his sexual dreams fulfilled. The trick is to find out what those dreams are in the first place, because once you have done so, the advantage lies with you, girl, especially if you are minded to grant one now and again.

From here on in, this article is going to be even more explicit than even the previous two parts, so the nervous and the merely curious should stop reading, but if you genuinely set on experiencing anal sex, following the advice below is the best way to ensure that it is fun and rewarding. If you have got here without reading the previous two parts, you are forbidden to read any further until you have reviewed them. And don’t even think I won’t find out if you cheat.

Do I need to douche? In practice, your mileage may vary. In the case of the vast majority of the human race, male or female, if we don’t need to pass a bowel motion right this minute, and we don’t have loose motions either, then the rectum is empty and douching is unnecessary. If you do find you need to go that way, then the sex stores can oblige with endless and varied solutions, all of which involve giving yourself a water enema, followed by a lot of patient sitting on the loo. Personally, if I had to go to those lengths to have anal sex, then I would look at some other, simpler form of amusement, let me think what nature’s alternative might be…

Relax

Once you are ready for him, the ground rules must include an agreement that you are in control, and that everything goes at your pace. Start by presenting him with the lube, and letting him slip a finger inside you until you feel yourself ease up and relax, following which he can introduce three or four inches of your vibrator and no more. Only once you feel relaxed enough to move to the next stage can he can lube his erection. There should be plenty left on your anus after using the toy.

The first few times, it is easiest to begin with you lying on your side, with him behind you in the spoons position, and with your hips flexed. Guide his hand until you can feel the tip of his cock with your external sphincter, and let him slide in until you both feel the resistance of the internal sphincter. Then wait, with him exerting constant gentle pressure, while you gently push down as if you were going to the toilet. If you relaxed enough around the vibrator, then you will feel yourself easing open until he slips right in, and after that, he can start making gentle thrusts until he is as deep as the pair of you feel comfortable with. How deep? It depends, but you may not want to go the whole way, to begin with.

Should I let him come inside me? The first time around, you may not have much choice, especially if it is his first time too. You know what guys are like, and depending on how long he has been waiting for this life event, he is likely to be so excited that an explosion will follow in very short order. If you are sure that he is clear of STD, there isn’t any reason why you shouldn’t let him come. There are all kinds of stories about come reacting with the lining or the contents of your bowel, but there is no scientific evidence that semen does any harm — unless your partner has an STD. Therefore, any guy you have your doubts about isn’t getting permission for anal sex and always gets to wear a condom, end of story. If he isn’t prepared to have sex with you on your terms, then he will take the same approach to other areas in your relationship, so failure to consent to wearing a condom when you wish it to be done should be a total show-stopper.

‘But I am worried that he will leave me if I force him to wear a condom! What can I do?’ Just remember that you aren’t forcing him to do anything, sis, you are consenting to allow him to have sex with you as long as he is wearing one. Big difference. His head will not explode if he doesn’t have sex, and if he wants it that badly with you, then using one will be a minor inconvenience for him, compared to a major inconvenience to you if he passes on an STD. A man who attempts to put a woman in this position is trampling all over her consent, and caving in on this issue early in a relationship sends all the wrong kind of signals.

What does it feel like when a guy comes inside while you are having anal sex? Not that different from vaginal sex, to be honest. The only real divergence is that while you can feel the additional stretch of your pussy before and during his orgasm, there is a limited length of the sphincter to relay the same information, so the stimulus is less, but you will still feel it. You won’t be able to feel his come at all, because there is no touch sensation inside your gut, but you will definitely know it has happened.

What next? Generally, I like to lie there and cuddle while my guy slowly goes limp inside me, with his hand on my boob and a nice warm sticky feeling back there. If you opt to do that, it has another advantage, because in cases of guys who produce a lot of come, it won’t end up running out of you because your sphincters will tighten up as his erection softens.

After the first few times, as long as you have anal sex reasonably often (at least once a month), then it should be easy. As you become more comfortable with it, you can try other positions, reverse cowgirl being particularly rewarding once you can completely relax. Get it right and you will wonder why anyone ever has anything bad about anal sex — but get it wrong and you will find yourself sympathizing with them.

To read the rest of this series, follow the links below:

Follow Sexography on Facebook and Twitter to stay up to date on upcoming news and featured stories.