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Abstract

cks when I was a kid. I much preferred celery sticks with peanut butter as a snack.</p><p id="618f">It’s why I purchased Whole Foods. Now we can give from our heart, all the organic Whole Food carrots our employees could ever want. No more sticks for them!”</p><p id="586c">Within days after the announcement, investigative reporters around the country sighted crates of carrots stacked near dumpsters at various warehouses, presumably awaiting distribution.</p><div id="3cf1" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/muddyum-associated-press-map-c4b14729032d"> <div> <div> <h2>MuddyUm Associated Press — MAP</h2> <div><h3>Introduces an Unbiased News Service You Can Use</h3></div> <div><p></p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*rxy7S4cz9BW6oxrj5X4diQ.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="20d8"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/CaptainSusanB/"><b><i>Susan B</i></b> </a>— Writing comedy for about 2 weeks.</p><p id="3bf3">This piece inspired by

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my own writers’ prompt.</p><div id="7afd" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/write-about-carrots-8b3e45eaff60"> <div> <div> <h2>Write About Carrots</h2> <div><h3>May/June 2020 Writers’ Prompt #5</h3></div> <div><p></p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*_90ntQJsgLP9hmJ_O12dIQ.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="360a">Other amazon nonsense.</p><div id="a60b" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/amazon-announces-free-air-day-3a0edf7fc029"> <div> <div> <h2>Amazon Announces Free Air Day</h2> <div><h3>In Keeping with American Corporate Tradition</h3></div> <div><p></p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*xcphQepT8jk2vjJoYGqa5g.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

SATIRE

Amazon Announces New Carrots for Employees

Mixed Reactions From Warehouse Workers

SEATTLE, WA(MAP) — In an effort to reward warehouse workers who failed to die during the COVID-19 pandemic, Amazon today announced new bonuses for the remaining survivors.

“In a survey of our warehouse employees around the country, the workers consistently mentioned they’d like greater appreciation for all the hard work, extra hours, and hazardous working conditions. They told us they’d like more carrots, and fewer sticks,” said Jeff Bezos, in a personal interview.

“I understand this sentiment more than most.

I hated carrot sticks when I was a kid. I much preferred celery sticks with peanut butter as a snack.

It’s why I purchased Whole Foods. Now we can give from our heart, all the organic Whole Food carrots our employees could ever want. No more sticks for them!”

Within days after the announcement, investigative reporters around the country sighted crates of carrots stacked near dumpsters at various warehouses, presumably awaiting distribution.