KALE TRAUMATIZED
All Hail Or Is It Aw Hell To Kale
Thankfully everyone on this ship hasn’t gone overboard!
Okay, MuddyUm kale lovers, I get your points. Most of you like kale and I may be the lone kale holdout. But holdout I will! Someone has to man the helm while you all go overboard in your kale dingy looking for the yellow-lined kale road. Amy Sea and Laurel Miller decided to swim to shore because they can. Showoffs! The MuddyUm ship is taking on water being anchored too long as you all chase your tails… oops I meant kale.
Let us see, Captain Susan Brearley is spreading Kale Conspiracy Theories, Amy Sea agrees with Susan’s Vege Tall Tales, and Marilyn Flower loudly announces Kale, Kale, The Gang’s All Here. Kristine Laco waxes eloquently that there's Finally Something Good To Do With Kale. Hint Kristine why don’t you feed furry animals that like green vegetables? Darn, that could include people. My bad.
If that isn’t enough, we still have more all hail to the kale by Gary Chapin with 100 Kale Things in 20 Kale Minutes. Kale smoothies, are you kidding me?
Now don't think for a minute that I’m leaving out the Kale booster club members in the new but not needed MuddyUm cheering section. Let’s see there's Betsy Denson, Carol Lennox, Toni Crowe, Bebe Nicholson, T. Kent Jones, Laurel B. Miller, David “the human highlighter” Perlmutter, Jennifer McDougall, Arpad Nagy, to name a Kale-billion of y’all, and counting. Carol Lennox even judged the best kale story and we didn’t even request a judge because all the stories in my opinion are equally unnecessary.
I know Mr. Techie Andrew Rodin is supplying the kale cheering section with kale pompons developed by AI technology because they haven’t deteriorated even with all the splashing Amy and Laurel are doing. By the way Amy and Toni C., this is a scientific mission to search out the best kale so let’s remember no bouncing but plenty of behaving of the twin peaks. You are married and we don’t want to excite the 4H Club, Future Farmers of America, or FarmMatch.com subscribers. We may lose the ship in a lawsuit for false advertising. You didn’t know that I read your breast articles, did you?
MuddyUm’s expiration date for kale stories is at hand. Let’s get back to our laptops or desktops and originate some satire. You have done your civic duty for vegetarians and vegans everywhere. Don’t ask me the difference between vegetarians and vegans because I do not care what either of them eats or doesn’t eat.
I was born and raised in Memphis. What was once called the Cotton Carnivale and is now known as Memphis in May which showcases the world's largest barbecue cooking contests. There isn’t a hog or Angus cow safe within a 100-mile radius in either direction. Chickens try to fly over the Mississippi riverfront but to no avail. We barbecue bologna!
So take that bit of information kale lovers and marinade on it! Can you even marinade kale? No reply is necessary because I don’t care!
Thank you Amy Sea, Andrew Rodwin, and Sara Zafron’s for the assist.
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