Adults and Imaginary Friends
Who are others to judge you?
Whether single, divorced or widowed, some people love living alone but you might find it terribly lonely. You wake up in the morning alone, you have your meals alone, you watch television alone, go shopping alone, if there is a crisis you deal with it alone. Alone, alone, alone, it’s enough to drive anyone up the wall. There’s good news though, you don’t have to be lonely.
I recently met a woman who has been living on her own for five years and who freely admitted that at one point the loneliness weighed so heavy on her that she considered suicide. Her husband was out of the picture, her children lived in other parts of the world, and she had no friends. She no longer saw any value in living.
Frightened by her own way of thinking, she went to see her doctor who referred her to a therapist. The therapist suggested an imaginary friend. The woman, let’s call her Lesley, thought the therapist had a screw loose. Imaginary friends were for children, not for mature women.
Back home she fired up her computer and typed in the search bar ‘Adults and imaginary friends’. She was surprised how much had been written on the subject. If the articles were to be believed, it was not uncommon for an adult to have an imaginary friend.
By some strange coincidence, Lesley met Margaret online. Living thousands of miles away from each other the chances of them ever meeting face to face were slim to none, but they did strike up a correspondence during which Margaret admitted that she’d had an imaginary friend for years.
“I got the idea after seeing the movie ‘Cast Away’,” Margaret said. “If it was okay for Tom Hanks to talk to a football named Wilson, it’s okay for me to talk to an imaginary friend.”
She went on explaining that Zoe, Margaret’s imaginary friend, had helped her through some rough times after her husband died. She couldn’t cope with the loneliness. Thanks to Zoe, she had a constant companion. She had breakfast with Zoe, went through the house chores with Zoe, took Zoe shopping, and went to the movies with Zoe. She admitted that Zoe even helped her save money.
Being an impulse shopper Zoe would ask, ‘Do you really need that?’ spurring Margaret to think, did she really need this or that? “Not that I always listen to her,” Margaret went on. “If I really want something, I get it, but there have been times that she’s right, I didn’t need this or that.”
“How do you go about creating an imaginary friend?” Lesley had asked.
Margaret replied that there were no rules. An imaginary friend could be anyone. It could be someone in the present or from your past, dead or alive, a celebrity or an ordinary person, or someone you create out of thin air. According to Margaret, it’s important though to give the person a name, an age, and an identity. Is the friend tall or short, thin or overweight, blond or dark? ‘He or she will be your friend,’ she wrote, ‘so set your imagination free.’
When Lesley went back to her therapist and related her conversation with Margaret, the therapist nodded approvingly. “How will I choose?” she wanted to know. “You don’t have to choose,” the therapist said. “You can create two imaginary friends, or even three. It’s all up to you.”
Today, five years later, Lesley admits that creating that imaginary friend has made all the difference. “I’m not crazy,” she told me. “I’m perfectly sane, but having this friend saved me. I’m not alone anymore, there’s someone to talk to, someone to share things with, someone to comfort me when I need it.”
If you’re feeling lonely, why not create an imaginary friend. There’s no age limit, you don’t have to feel foolish or immature, if it helps who are others to judge you?
