A Summary of My Family Dynamics & Family Roles After My Baby Was Born: by Mrs. Jessica Lyon

Our family “picture” of what life would look like changed

This is my first article, thank you all for reading!

First off, I will cover what family dynamics my family has after the baby, from Mind Help. I thought going through these was fun.

The website goes through these family roles:

• Hero: an ‘achiever’ who upholds the pride of the family. He/she is a leader, self-disciplined, and over-responsible
• Scapegoat (“black sheep”): family members consider that he/she needs the maximum attention
• Rescuer: He/she takes up this responsibility for the sake of helping others, however, overlooks the fact that it may be harmful to themselves.
• Peacekeeper:
• Mascot (adding humor or gifts to “divert” attention away from stress)
• Caretaker: if there is a toxic person with active addiction, then the focus of the caretaker is on that member by covering his/her problems created due to addiction.
• Lost Child (or “under the radar”)
• The Mastermind (taking advantage)

I’ll just talk about my husband here. He is naturally the hero and the mascot type, in this situation.

I say a good leader is also someone who takes the time to encourage and support like a mascot, too.

Roles

Probably many here clicked on the article to read about our family roles. Sometimes I’m curious myself, about other families.

Our baby was born on July 21st of this year. My husband and I sat down in our living room in June and discussed in-depth how everything will change. We covered all the finances each of us had, the bills we each had again, and just made sure we had all our basis covered. Like it was yesterday I remember talking about my maternity leave.

I explained to my husband that I have not been at my job long enough for full maternity leave, so could only take 8 weeks (unless it was doctor-ordered I could take more). I could take the full 12 weeks, but the last 4 weeks would be unpaid. Not only that, but I barely met time at my company for them to submit disability for my maternity leave. My company was so very nice and they gladly submitted the documentation. They also said they would cover the first two weeks of maternity leave as we wait for the disability to kick in. That’s a full two weeks’ pay!

Our little girl came a week earlier than expected, thanks to my placenta. Now, my husband is a planner, let me tell you (ha-ha!). When the doctor explained the situation to us and asked, “So, do you guys want to come back tonight to have the baby?”, my husband said, “well, we had dinner plans and I have work tonight and tomorrow, so it’ll be hard to fit it in.” In my husband’s defense, he has TBI from military service, and keeping a schedule helps him.

That was just a funny part of the story, but the point is, that we didn’t have our PTO put in (well, I did not have any yet at my company) and we did not know if were approved for maternity disability either. Nonetheless, two days later we had the baby!

Perfect little girl!

Roles Today

Since my day job pays more than my husband’s and my husband has a second form of income, he quit his job. They tried to keep him, though and said when he is ready to go back to work just walk back in. The daycare we found would have been his whole paycheck anyways and I would much rather have him raise her than a daycare. We’ve all heard the nightmares.

Some have said that my husband is a “stay-at-home-dad”, but that’s not accurate. You see, he’s here with you all, too. Not only that, but he has a book, a nonprofit, and an LLC that he switches back and forth from, too. He does a great job!

And he’s a great dad! And a great husband. He’ll stay up after he puts the baby to sleep to clean up after dinner so that I can go to bed. Even if the baby cries, he’ll come into her room if I’m in there and ask if he needs to take her. After he cleans dinner, he’ll feed the fish, he’ll check his email, then will warm himself up a cup of tea and get on Medium.

Did I mention he gets up earlier than me, as well, to get a shower and get ready to take care of the baby if she needs anything in the morning before I go to work?

My husband is a leader, a father, a husband, and a great coach to many people whom I have to share him with. He never misses an opportunity to encourage and support me. I love when he sends pictures of the baby and him when I’m at work.

To note, I told him that I’m staying home when we have our next child.

However, he’ll be starting his master’s degree in the Spring, so I will never be a stay-at-home mother like I wanted. It’s sad. There’s a small chance he’ll be graduated and make more than I do by the time we have our last child. Like really small.

I never knew I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom until my daughter was born. I grew up on a farm with a mom who worked a job, mothered us, and ran the farm. But, it’s odd to see how something so little and cute totally changes things — or as my husband would say, “we could say there’s a neurological change that occurs in mothers.”

Conclusion

What are your family roles like? What are your family dynamics like? I’d love to hear from you.

Well, this lady is signing off and going to bed! Thanks so much for reading and for commenting!!

Read one or more of my husband’s articles: