My Plan To Conquer The Fear That Controls My Life

“Every man in his lifetime needs to thank his faults. As no man thoroughly understands a truth until he has contended against it.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

I felt it again this morning, the same fear bubbling up inside, burning a hole in my chest.

The fear and anxiety cause my body to tense up.

I immediately fall into a spiral of fear and self-loathing.

This feeling has been with me for as long as I can remember.

Always worried I don’t have enough or I’m not good enough. I don’t know where these feelings come from, but I know they’re holding me back.

I spend hours every day thinking about myself and life in general.

I know my fears are irrational and harmful, but I can’t seem to let them go.

I’m 33 years old, I’m tired of living a small, scared, sad life.

When I think about my fears I noticed they are all about the future.

Will I have enough money? Am I smart enough to talk to people? What if I make and mistake or look dumb?

My fears about the future have made the present miserable.

The irony of the situation is, I’m so worried something will go wrong in the future, I’m causing myself problems and misery today.

Most of the things I am afraid of will never happen or aren’t as bad as I think.

The fact that I’m hiding away and avoiding pain altogether makes my life worse.

Things are going to go wrong, people might get mad at us, but that is part of life.

My attempt to shield myself from these attacks and embarrassment has left me sad and alone.

I keep telling myself I don’t have enough money or resources or I’m not smart enough.

These are limiting thoughts that only serve to justify my fears of life.

This is the vicious cycle that I have been living in for years.

Irrational fears lead to worry. Worrying brings up feelings of self-doubt. Self-doubt leads to self-hatred.

And I sit there in that filth and flog myself for not being a better person.

Clearly, this isn’t healthy or productive, so I’ve begun to crawl out of the cycle.

The first step was realizing my fears aren’t real, yet I allow them to control me. The second step finding more empowering things to do with my time.

Instead of spending all my time worrying about the future, I’m making plans and doing things today to move in the right direction.

Having a plan and working towards it helps. If we have something productive to do with our time we are happier and more fulfilled.

The reason I’m unhappy is that I’m unfulfilled. I’m unfulfilled because I’m not contributing anything to the world.

From now on I have a new plan to battle my inner demons.

First I have more defined goals for myself both in work and normal life.

I know that action and movement create opportunities so I need to put myself out there and be willing to fail.

That doesn’t mean I want to fail, but it’s not going to hold me back anymore.

If I continue to live in my fortress of fear I will only continue to hate myself and my life.

Facing our fears and embracing life may seem scary, but it’s the only path to freedom.

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