A Narcissist Taught Me This 4 Letter Word

The fear that accompanies narcissistic abuse

The other night I was praying. Not the way I used to pray but with an urgent plea, “Please God let this be behind me, let me be free of him.” It was a desperate cry.

One laced with panic and a four-letter word a narcissist taught me.

Fear.

I wish I could say this never happened but it did.

A narcissist changed the way I meet each day.

I remember my sister saying, “Colleen you are operating out of fear.”

I was.

If I’m honest, I still do.

It’s hard to understand if you haven’t entangled yourself with a narcissist. But it happens. You unconsciously increase your susceptibility and vulnerability until the narcissist has the power to petrify you.

Unbelievably, this four-letter word is the diluted form of narcissistic evil.

I used to operate from a point of terror.

We have good reason to fear the narcissist.

They lack empathy

The foundation of our fear is the narcissist's lack of empathy.

They inflict pain because they are unable to feel any but their own.

This is the understructure that makes the narcissist dangerous enough to instill fright. They’re missing what makes the average human being unable to fathom what they are capable of.

The counselor explained my husband lacked empathy.

It’s not that I didn’t believe him. I had witnessed it. But nothing like the escalation that occurred when I sought a divorce. This was when I found myself firmly and truly introduced to fear.

They lack societal norms and boundaries

Narcissists operate outside of typical norms and boundaries.

Societal norms stem from a comprehensive acceptance of what we view as acceptable behavior. The average person functions within these accepted standards.

These unspoken rules establish a form of order and predictability.

But narcissists disregard rules and laws.

At the beginning of my divorce, people would say — Your husband has to give you food money and keep your children’s health insurance. There’s no way he won’t send his own son back to college.

He can’t leave you without a car, how will you drive your children? He’ll stop once he sees he’s upsetting his own kids. He can’t take out loans and credit cards in your name. But he did.

Unpredictability

The lack of empathy and boundaries makes a narcissist highly unpredictable.

Narcissists don’t burden themselves with the thoughts of others. They don’t care what people think.

They do what they want and don’t do anything they don’t want to do.

The lack of empathy, boundaries, and accountability makes them erratic. It seems implausible since the rest of society follows appropriate laws. But the narcissist is skilled in getting away with their troubling and outrageous behavior.

It doesn’t matter what a lawyer, a judge, a contract, or anything else mandates.

My friends believed finalizing my divorce would enforce the unenforceable narcissist.

I knew better. My husband symbolically signed those papers. He had no intention of following them. He was in immediate contempt of the divorce. He’s told me he plans on going before a judge and telling him he’s broke.

Their intent on punishing

A narcissist will punish anyone they believe wronged them with a vengeance.

My husband didn’t believe I would leave. He didn’t think I could support myself or I would walk away from the life we built. When I did, it angered him.

And an angry narcissist is an even more abusive one.

And sadly, a narcissist will generally carry through on their threats.

My husband proved he was willing to hurt his own children to hurt me. This is when my fear graduated to terror. I was in the fight of my life to protect my children.

Their survival instincts crush that of others

Survival of the fittest isn’t a strong enough term to explain a narcissist.

Their instinctual self-preservation equals their self-obsession.

My husband demonstrated his world order. Me, myself, and I. His needs and wants would continue to come above that of his own children. It’s a primal narcissistic compulsion to win and achieve control.

At all cost.

Even if it means destroying those they are supposed to love and protect.

These are five aspects of why those of us who have loved a narcissist have true reason to fear them. It’s a troubling escape because we are driven to freedom but afraid at the same time.

Thankfully, there are moments of gradual liberation.

When the fear lessens and we re-emerge.

I won’t let a four-letter word change the way I pray.

Or change the way I meet each day.