A Letter to Those Who Don't Know What's Next.

I find I'm at yet another cross-road in my life.

I'm sure many of you are too.

I've been thinking about all the projects I had set for myself and how I've accomplished most of them, but lately, I'm constantly questioning why I was doing them.

The answer is simple, money.

Why? Because I need it, we all need it to survive.

It's about the lifestyle I want to achieve and a sense of security.

I want to work from home. Only leave the house when I need to, and be able to do the things I want without worrying about the cost.

Buy a tiny home one day and move out of the state to a calmer place. Become as self-sufficient as possible. Travel around when I want; that's about it.

I've been in this urgency mode to make money for a very long time, and I'm just exhausted.

Ever since graduating college, even before that, one of the driving thoughts behind my every day has been, how can I make more money?

Thankfully, I've come to a point where I'm financially comfortable. Oddly enough, it's not because I'm making a lot more money compared to a few years ago — it's because I've become a much better steward of it.

I work as a bartender. Definitely not where I expected it to be at this point in my life.

I'm still very thankful to be in the position I'm in — I make enough to cover my expenses (including rent) and even save a decent amount of money at the end of the month if I make it a goal.

I have enough time to invest in writing, do other things I like, and spend time by myself, with my boyfriend, and with my family.

I lack nothing. Yet, I'm always thinking about how I need to move to the next level and keep working towards another breakthrough.

Even though I've been living independently for over a year and a half, I feel like I haven't had time to enjoy this newfound freedom.

Part of it is that I'm holding myself back, afraid to do things out of my comfort zone. The other part is I'm exhausted from constantly thinking about money and where I'm going next.

I'm not trying to throw caution to the wind and do something reckless.

I'm trying to find a sweet spot.

There's so much content on the Internet showing people succeeding in massive ways, working hard every day to achieve their dreams, and I feel I lack that now.

I don't have that drive that makes me want to work 24/7 toward making my dreams come true.

I'm lying — I have a partial amount of drive. Otherwise, I would not have stuck with writing and Medium for this long.

By the way, we've reached 300 followers! It's been a roller-coaster these two years that I've been writing, so thank you for sticking with me and supporting me!

What I need right now is some time to refocus and re-evaluate where I'm at and where I truly want to go. More importantly, where I need to go.

I don't want to be a famous content creator. I do want to create content, and I do want to make a decent living from it. I don't want to sacrifice any of my values and beliefs along the way. To me, that's the equivalent of selling your soul.

I don't want to have financial affluence at the expense of myself.

I believe God is trying to teach me a crucial lesson about faith, which is probably one we all have to learn at one point.

We can't control everything, and we should stop trying to work toward having more control because it's impossible.

Control makes us feel comfortable, but control also means we're in charge.

I'm trying to lead a faithful life, and that's probably why I'm struggling so much lately.

You can't call the shots and have faith that God will guide you in the right direction. If you're calling the shots, you're not letting God guide the way.

If you're finding yourself at a similar cross-road, looking for where to go next, it's time to re-evaluate.

If you're spiritual, like me, maybe you need to take some time to meditate in your faith and let God speak to you.

I've been avoiding His voice out of fear that I may not like where He wants me to go next.

The irony is the last time that happened; I ended up moving out and beginning to live out my life the way I'd been dreaming of.

The lesson here is, He knows better than I do and has much better plans than me.

He also knows and has a better timeline. God knows when you're ready to receive more blessings.

I wasn't ready for the responsibility of living on my own and renting my place a few years back. God knew the right time, and he opened that door precisely when I needed to walk through it.

More importantly, when I was ready to walk through it.

If this opportunity had been given to me before, I would have been too afraid to take it.

The moral of this long story is it's time to take the pressure off ourselves.

Let’s take some time to be in the chapter we're in now. Let’s enjoy it.

God, life, the universe, whatever you believe in will show you what's next when it's the right time.