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Abstract

</p><p id="d15f"><b>National 151 Rum Week!</b> <i>Suck it down. Throw it up.</i></p><p id="5d1b"><b>National Body Spray Week!</b> <i>Because showering gets old.</i></p><p id="961b">We can even celebrate specific personality types:</p><p id="fa87"><b>National Asshole Co-Workers Week! </b><i>They suck. So tell ‘em.</i></p><p id="4e9f"><b>National Procrastinators Week!</b> <i>Whatever it is, put it off.</i></p><p id="de38"><b>National Shy Persons Week!</b> <i>Just look the other way.</i></p><p id="d0f3"><b>National Bullshitters Week!</b> <i>Tell your story walkin.’</i></p><p id="2341"><b>National Hubris Week! </b><i>Believe in yourself because no one else does.</i></p><p id="9d60">As you can see, there are limitless options for celebratory weeks in our society. We Americans are accomplished spin-doctors. Just look at the criminal in the White House!</p><p id="e7f8">We’ll buy anything!</p><p id="f0e8">Now go get your dry shampoo and let’s party.</p><p id="8d00"><i>Sherry McGuinn is a slightly-twisted, longtime Chicago-area writer and award-winning screenwriter. Her work has appeared in The Chicago Tribune, Chicago Sun-Times, and numerous other publications. Sherry’s manager is currently pitching her newest screenplay, a drama with dark, comedic overtones and inspired by a true story.</i></p><p id="ac40"><b>Yes, I’m ridiculous. But I hope you enjoyed this nonetheless. If you did, report back with your own ideas for crazy “National” weeks like the ones above. And if you’re up for reading more, please check out the following.</b></p><div id="17f9" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/crazy-in-chicago-2b7051d02ed"> <div> <div> <h2>Crazy in Chicago</h2> <div><h3>The reckless years.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*07oKFTs5fzZZZ1K07nMsfg.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="bc51" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/lets-have-sex-c6dd805939fe"> <di # Options v> <div> <h2>Let’s Have Sex!</h2> <div><h3>Time to go balls-out, people.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*G1nK89d9LVQ8PzXEE_JL7Q.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="e3c0" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/how-to-survive-a-cancer-diagnosis-2416f8dd6d52"> <div> <div> <h2>How to Survive a Cancer Diagnosis</h2> <div><h3>On wading through the initial shock.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*v0hLLHoGbUUQAcvdh7RB2w.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="9304" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/i-sat-on-my-own-face-bc25ca52d6e1"> <div> <div> <h2>I Sat On My Own Face</h2> <div><h3>And it was beyond amazing!</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*jHuw5lj2--1li-7ZvFeA8A.png)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="3378" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/rep-steve-king-pelted-with-chicharrones-by-giggling-mob-ef00a93cee76"> <div> <div> <h2>Rep Steve King Pelted With Chicharrones By “Giggling” Mob</h2> <div><h3>This just in from Bodacious Media (BM).</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*xMawS0OjbffZxYzccUWD3A.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

A Hair-Raising Week

Marketing at its finest. As in thin.

On Sunday mornings, while I drink my coffee, I like to look at the store circulars that come with the newspaper.

One of my favorites is a popular brick and mortar, as well as online, purveyor of beauty products. Now, I don’t need any more beauty products as I’m full-up. But I still like to look.

What caught my eye was the headline on the cover of this particular circular:

It’s National Dry Shampoo Week! March 8 to March 14th!

What the ever-living F? “National Dry Shampoo Week?” I’d love to meet the copywriter who came up with that one. And then slap the living shit out of him or her.

I have nothing against dry shampoo. I even have a can or two. I rarely use it though as I wash my hair every other day in the shower and that works for me.

Dry shampoo, aside from whisking away oil from your tresses, can also be used as a volumizer. But does that mean it deserves its own National week?

What’s next? Greeting cards that we can mail off to all our greasy-haired friends? (With a 20% off coupon inside.)

I don’t know. If we’re going to go down this road, then I think there are a plethora of other products that should be recognized nationally, as well, like the following:

National Personal Lube Week! Grease up and get down.

National Dental Floss Week! Spinach belongs on a plate, not in your teeth.

National Toilet Paper Week! Wipe. Don’t swipe.

National Plastic Water Bottles Week! When you’re too lazy to give a shit.

National Tube Meat Week! Is that a kielbasa in your pocket…?

National Oven Mitt Week! Drop it like it’s hot.

National Fireplace Week! Got wood?

National 151 Rum Week! Suck it down. Throw it up.

National Body Spray Week! Because showering gets old.

We can even celebrate specific personality types:

National Asshole Co-Workers Week! They suck. So tell ‘em.

National Procrastinators Week! Whatever it is, put it off.

National Shy Persons Week! Just look the other way.

National Bullshitters Week! Tell your story walkin.’

National Hubris Week! Believe in yourself because no one else does.

As you can see, there are limitless options for celebratory weeks in our society. We Americans are accomplished spin-doctors. Just look at the criminal in the White House!

We’ll buy anything!

Now go get your dry shampoo and let’s party.

Sherry McGuinn is a slightly-twisted, longtime Chicago-area writer and award-winning screenwriter. Her work has appeared in The Chicago Tribune, Chicago Sun-Times, and numerous other publications. Sherry’s manager is currently pitching her newest screenplay, a drama with dark, comedic overtones and inspired by a true story.

Yes, I’m ridiculous. But I hope you enjoyed this nonetheless. If you did, report back with your own ideas for crazy “National” weeks like the ones above. And if you’re up for reading more, please check out the following.