Sexuality

A Comprehensive Guide To Unlocking Female Orgasms

Hint: penis size and chemistry have nothing to do with it.

Let’s face it. Orgasms aren’t about chemistry.

Many of us have found ourselves in relationships characterized by compatibility, overwhelming physical attraction, common goals… yet sexually frustrated.

It’s an inexplicable mystery, but it does happen. So what’s preventing you and your sexual partner from enjoying satisfactory sex? Are you unable to reach orgasms no matter how hard you both try?

Is there something wrong with you? Is your relationship doomed to pleasure starvation? Of course not!

But there’s plenty of things in this article that can help you end that drought. Orgasms are not about chemistry, and I will prove it to you.

Let’s start by shattering some misconceptions:

In males, sexual organs are exposed. That’s why men acquire a more genital-related sense of sexuality.

In part, that’s one of the reasons why guys are so focused on sizes, and some show aversion to dildos or vibrators that can “compete” with their egos.

On the other hand, as women, building a connection with our bodies takes more than a few strokes. It takes commitment, curiosity, and self-awareness to remove the veil of ignorance that has blinded us since puberty.

And the truth is, we can use a consensual sexual partner’s hand to achieve full sexual freedom.

We have different rhythms and different times:

Engaging in a dialogue with our bodies allows us to understand what sexual pleasure is and how to achieve it with or without help.

Afterward, there’s a secondary but no less essential stage in which we need to defend our right to feel pleasure, no matter how long it takes to get there.

In comparison with males, female orgasms are more complex because there are a plethora of psychological, mechanical, and cultural factors at play.

For example:

Vaginal orgasms are an exclusivity enjoyed only by a quarter of the female population.

Yes, sexual intercourse feels great! But it’s not the main path towards female pleasure.

Have you tried those amazingly huge vibrating toys that stimulate the G-spot? That’s the clitoris being stimulated from within the vagina’s anterior wall.

Why are sex toys designed by women for women so different? Because women understand what ladies like in a way men never will.

The main problem is, some of us women are still unaware of what sexual gratification really is, but you can help change that by reading this article till the end.

First, let’s talk about time:

The time it takes for females and males to reach climax is different. Although most of us agree that a sexual encounter that lasts more than 15 minutes is “very long,” sex is much more than penetration. And that’s the part where it all gets messy.

Porn portrays men pounding women as if they wanted to drill them into the bed. On the receiving end of this onslaught, the female counterpart plays her role as a satisfied partner by moaning, screaming, and dripping fluids while she begs for more. Finally, she explodes with pleasure as she feels the hot ejaculate hit the back of her throat and tastes the bittersweetness of semen in her mouth…

They are actors; it’s make-believe. Porn sex isn’t real sex, and what you’re watching on the screen might not be what your female partner craves.

The only way to be sure is by asking:

Foreplay will be much more effective if you pay attention to your partner’s likes and dislikes. Then, depending on their ability to focus and openness to enjoy sex, stimulation times will vary.

Sexual arousal can change depending on the person, time of the month, and even time of the day…If sexual pleasure were that easy, we wouldn’t invest so much time learning about its intricacies.

Roll up your sleeves and get your hands in there:

If you are facing issues to reach orgasms, solo masturbation is vital to climbing out of the rabbit hole. To fully enjoy sex, it’s essential to talk confidently about what you’re into, what moves you, and what doesn’t work for you.

The best and only route for female pleasure requires delving into your fantasies, experimenting with your body, and masturbating.

Lots and lots of masturbation.

There’s no magic formula, no shortcuts.

If you’re having problems having an orgasm on your own, be patient. Nobody can become an Olympic swimmer without doing some splish splash first.

In my experience, masturbation comes naturally if you’re already reading or watching something that you find arousing. Novelty content and curiosity can take you to the verge of exploding while picturing yourself experiencing new sensations.

How to masturbate

Everyone is different. For some, there’s a go-to toy in the drawer. For others, a pillow can become a wild stallion when riding it the right way. For me, all I need is patience and my hands.

I spread my labia with the left, so my clitoris is exposed, and with my right middle and index fingers, I perform slow circular motions until I plateau in an ecstasy of pleasure.

Breathing slowly can help you relax. Caress your nipples, bite your lip, close your eyes and let yourself get carried away. If it doesn’t happen, don’t worry. You can try again tomorrow, the day after, and the day after that.

Even kissing requires developing skills and techniques.

When I’m with my partner, he focuses on mimicking the moves that he’s watched me employ on myself. That way, both of my hands are free to explore a little further.

Don’t let your fears stop you:

I know, some terms have managed to stigmatize boudoir bliss.

The word frigid, for example, is an antiquated way to address the fact that women weren’t enjoying sex due to a general lack of knowledge about the female sexual response, and then they were blamed for it.

That being said, anorgasmia is as real as it gets. Anorgasmia is a sexual dysfunction that could be generated by physiological problems as well as psychological issues. Yet, anorgasmia only affects 5% of the female population.

According to Rowland, Cempel, and Tempel, the main reasons women find it difficult to reach climax are:

“The most commonly endorsed reasons were stress/anxiety, insufficient arousal, and lack of time during sex; body image, pain, inadequate lubrication, and medical / medication issues were endorsed less frequently.”

—Rowland, Cempel, and Tempel.

Yes, that means penis size wasn’t a significant issue:

But, on the other hand, if you can’t reach climax via penetration, that only means you belong to the 75% of women who need external genital stimulation to have an orgasm.

That’s it. You don’t have to bang the TV, move the antenna, or change the remote’s batteries. No.

You only need to change the channel.

This roughly translates into there’s most likely nothing wrong with your body, but there might be some trauma or prejudice preventing you from welcoming pleasure into your life.

“Only one-quarter of women reliably experience orgasm during intercourse — no matter how long it lasts, no matter what size the man’s penis, no matter how the woman feels about the man or the relationship.”

— Castleman

Nobody can be held accountable for your sexual gratification but yourself:

So there’s a re-learning process we all must undergo.

Allow me to go deeper on this one (no pun intended). Nobody can give you pleasure unless you have taken on the task of understanding your own body. So you’re the designated driver into guiding your partner to the confines of your satisfaction.

There’s no magic trick; there’s no one size fits all, there’s no universal dildo.

Each person is a unique combination of experiences, inclinations, and preferences that makes them complex.

Pretending that the same set of movements, lines, and techniques will take your partner into a rollercoaster of pleasure is just nonsense.

Yes, some generalities help us get into context. But even the most experienced lover can attest that there are substantial differences from one bed to another.

This is how to become an experienced lover:

Having great sex together requires both of you to focus on teaching and learning the subtle differences in your anatomy, personality, and preferences.

The only absolute truth in sex is that there are no absolute truths in sex.

Even within the same gender, there are significant differences from one vulva to the other and one penis to the other. In addition, multiple psychological and cultural factors have conditioned our willingness to receive and give pleasure.

Recognizing our bodies is an adventure that we should undertake through masturbation. And that’s where I want us to focus today.

I’ll repeat it: masturbation is how you become a better lover.

As long as you consider that your body is dirty, that your fluids are unpleasant, or your body hair is disgusting, sexual gratification will be much harder to achieve.

Masturbation is an act of rebellion:

In a way, masturbation is an act of empowerment. It gives you the keys to own your pleasure.

Understanding your erogenous zones and experimenting with new sensations is the only way for you to take your partner’s hand and make that person the best lover you have ever had.

The more communication you have with your desires, the easier it will be to communicate strategies to increase your pleasure.

And please, forget about “Prince Charming.”

Culturally we have given men the responsibility of giving women orgasms, and that is a fundamental error.

Losing our virginity implies there’s something we had, something valuable we gave away forever. Having a sexual “prince charming” expectation not only puts a tremendous amount of pressure on our partners but also relegates us to play the role of objects.

Becoming an active subject of pleasure requires setting a two-way relationship. It entails both of you knowing what you want and how to get there, with or without help.

But let me rephrase that because I wouldn’t like that to be misinterpreted. What I mean is that your orgasm shouldn’t depend on the other’s “magical” abilities to read your mind.

A more mature and realistic approach to sexuality requires that both consent to having sex for pleasure.

If there’s no willingness to share experiences and learn from each other, perhaps you shouldn’t put a cock ring on it… nor a butt plug.

Work as a couple. It’s not a competition:

This article intends to promote the enjoyment of sexual pleasure by demystifying female masturbation.

Although self-exploration achieved through masturbation can be highly effective in starting the path to sexual empowerment, it is not the only option.

The professional accompaniment of therapists, psychologists, and sexologists can be enormously beneficial to heal the relationship with your body and your ability to receive pleasure.

Also, if you came here because you want to support your partner to enjoy a more satisfying sex life together, I encourage you to share this information with kindness, love, and empathy.

Build a bridge of trust and acceptance before pressuring her to enjoy sex the way you do.

Remember, it’s not just our anatomies and sexual responses that are different; our contexts, burdens, and expectations also vary dramatically. Nevertheless, there is much to be gained from working together, even in bed.

Don’t rush it, don’t think your pleasure is her pleasure:

Could we please stop asking this one question?

Are you about to come?

Rushing your partner’s pleasure is outrageous.

For real.

Instead, go for one of these:

• Did you like that?
• Should I keep going?
• What do you want me to do to you next?

Orgasm involves deconstructing the discourse on female pleasure:

How we socially understand female sexuality focuses on our ability to be providers of pleasure, sustenance, love, and procreation.

Yet, when it comes to enjoying sex, women have a broad cultural disadvantage that must be deconstructed not only in our society but from within our psyche.

Learn about the phases of orgasms, buy toys, masturbate in the morning, in the afternoon, in the evening… Do it at sunset or sunrise. Do it as much as you can so you can decipher the time of the day that best suits your personal needs.

Master your personal signature technique, and then you’ll be a step closer to enjoying sex with someone else.

Think about it this way:

If you don’t know how to achieve an orgasm independently, how the hell are you expecting another person to get you there?

Your partner needs pointers, lots of them. But, first, they need to see you climaxing so they can replicate the type of strokes and motions that make you squeal and moan with desire.

You have the responsibility to going as deep as possible in the search for your erogenous zones.

Go deep, and you’ll find more than pleasure. You’ll find a more profound understanding of love.