A Brutally Honest Open Letter I Desperately Want Every Man to Read
We’re at an all-time low, but there’s hope
“Hard times create strong men.
Strong men create good times.
Good times create weak men.
And weak men create hard times.”
— G. Michael Hopf
It doesn’t take a genius to guess which part of the cycle we currently are in.
We’re at an all-time low. Our testosterone levels are steadily declining. Simps and incels are spreading like wildfire. Strong male role models have become an endangered species. Our suicide and depression rates have never been higher. Most of us are dying single.
Worst of all, society ridicules conventional masculinity and encourages men to act, talk, and become women.
As my friend Julian Bašić wrote, most men are leading lives of quiet desperation.
Heck! Most of us feel the jitters with even calling ourselves men — settling instead with weak terms like “Guy”, “Boy”, “Dude”, and “Bro”
Take Back Control, My Brother
Start by referring to yourself as a man — in external conversations and your own internal dialogue.
Being a man means responsibility — to yourself, your fellow men, and the women of your family.
It means a shift from meekly purring your opinion to taking decisions by yourself. Standing up for yourself, your time, and your priorities. Not acting servile and putting a disrespectful woman in her place.
Not drowning in the fantasy of video games and porn, go out to brave the harsh realities of the world.
Make yourself your mental point of origin — stay in your masculine frame and let others enter it. Don’t surrender control of it to every attractive Mary or Stacy that passes by.
Snatch back the remote control of your life from society.
It’ll Be a Painful Amount of Work
The burden of performance goes hand-in-hand with being male—be it as a father, brother, son, husband, boyfriend, uncle, or mentor. To quote Rollo Tomassi in Love Story,
“Men are expected to perform. To be successful, to get the girl, to live a good life, men must do. Whether it’s riding wheelies down the street on your bicycle to get that cute girl’s attention or to get a doctorate degree to ensure your personal success and your future family’s, Men must perform. Women’s arousal, attraction, desire, and love are rooted in that conditional performance.”
We are born as males, not as men. Only through hard f*cking work do we metamorphose into men — be it building a 6-figure business, a stoic mindset, a powerful physique, or a charismatic persona.
As Kris from 1STMAN says, this isn’t the pessimistic performance burden but the optimistic Male Advantage.
The beauty of self-improvement is tangible results come rapidly — in just the last five years, my life has done a 180-degree.
From a stuttering skinny wimp to a confident jacked young man that’s inspiring other men, it’s been an unreal journey.
Of course, I still possess the mental scars of childhood trauma — anxiety, body dysmorphia, the intense craving for love, and the embers of validation-seeking.
But none of those matters — since another 5 years down the line, I’d have decimated them.
It’s not blind confidence, I just know it — it’s in my DNA.
It’s in every man’s DNA.
Your Starting Point Literally Does Not Matter
If you’re alive, physically able, and possess sound mental faculties, you’re already privileged.
Skinny as a twig. Pant-pissing fear of public speaking. Addicted to porn. Seeking escape in video games. Unable to look into anyone’s eyes. A stutter severe enough to beat you into unsocial silence. Rock-bottom self-esteem. The scars of bullying.
None of those matter. The neuroplasticity of the brain is so marvelous that you can slam the brake on your present life and get it racing in reverse gear.
But just like the skidding of the tires, you’ll face resistance — thanks to us being habitual creatures, the life and self you’re trying to leave behind will seductively beckon you.
Resist the poisonous pull of that worn-out PS5, peeking Marlboro, creamy macaroon, insidious snooze button, and that brain-rotting blast of sexy pixels.
Even if you fall back, ensure you get yourself back ASAP — as long as take 5 forward steps, going back 2 won’t halt your progress.
The best part is the longer you resist, the easier it gets — and once the deceleration skids the car of your old habits to a stop, you can reverse directions.
Keep breathing iron in the gym. Stay off (almost) all social media. Derive inspiration from powerful male role models. Vividly visualize your future self. Educate yourself on subjects such as microeconomics, game theory, psychology, and inter-gender dynamics.
As momentum builds and the engine warms up, slam that sixth gear and zoom into your new life.
Hard Choices = Easy Life | Easy Choices = Hard Life
The thrumming heart and perspiration during a cold approach vs the coziness of your couch as you jerk off to pixels on the screen.
The screaming muscles and aching joints as you fight against gravity in the gym at 5 AM vs. being tightly snug under in your memory foam mattress until 9 AM.
Calling out a woman for disrespecting you and upsetting the white knights vs the easy servility of smiling away the stabbing comment.
Standing up for your contrarian beliefs and expressing strong opinions vs the calm comfort of being part of the herd and possessing no opinions.
Putting yourself out there by writing articles or recording videos vs leaving toxic demeaning comments with your fake account.
It’s a series of choices — that compounds to incredible (or devastating) results in the long-term.
“Man is made or unmade by himself; in the armoury of thought he forges the weapons by which he destroys himself; he also fashions the tools with which he builds for himself heavenly mansions of joy and strength and peace.”
— James Allen
At every step, the better choice is always the harder choice. Period.