A 3-Step Guide to Deal With Criticism

#3. Do not engage.

Whether it comes from your mom on how to cut apples or fold your clothes, from a stranger ranting about your misconceptions. Perhaps the negative talk comes from your reflection in the mirror, judging every inch of your body.

Criticism is here. Instead of fighting it, accept it.

Easier said than done, right?

It is manageable, though. First, you need to understand where judgement is coming from and why are we so attached to the destructive habit.

Bear in mind, though: criticism is not feedback or self-awareness of our limiting beliefs.

When it comes to criticism, we feel offended. We take it personally and make a big deal out of it. We let the opinion of somebody else influence our mood, performance and self-esteem.

I regard criticism and comparisons as the most destructive habits to the validation-seeking fragility of human nature.

However, we are the ones who deal the hardest blows to ourselves.

We can distinguish 3 steps to deal with criticism:

#1. Understanding the nature of judgement.

Criticizing tells volume about those who deal it.

As Oscar Wilde skilfully put it:

Criticism is the only reliable form of autobiography.

It tells more about the person who excels at judgement than those scrutinized by it.

You are always going to be criticized by people who feel inferior. Not those who do less because productivity does not hold any measure. But self-worth is a perfect indicator.

Criticism is an easy form of ego defense. We don’t criticize because we disagree with a behavior or an attitude. We criticize because we somehow feel devalued by the behavior or attitude. Critical people tend to be easily insulted and especially in need of ego defense.

— Steven Stosny, Psychology Today.

People who engage in extensive judgement feel not good enough, not loved enough, not pretty enough, do not feel like they have any value to deliver.

Any criticism is not pointed at you. In truth, it is all about themselves. They are not satisfied with the design of their life’s unfolding, and so they cultivate hatred on a daily basis.

Whenever people judge, they are doing so out of fear of not being enough. By refusing to accept past wounds, they are projecting unresolved traumas, unfulfilled wishes onto somebody else. However, the faster we run away from emotions, they are bound to catch up more intensified than ever before.

If it makes us weak, why do we persevere?

Criticism is like a drug. An instant rush of dopamine. A like button on your social media feed. It provides instant gratification, a fleeting illusion of feeling superior. Not for long.

It also serves a social bond. When we engage in gossiping, bringing others down especially, behind their back, it makes us feel connected with others who participate in this kind of behaviour. However, judgement only makes us look bad.

We judge what we don’t know. Whenever you criticize an idea, a novelty, it is so because of fear it brings out in you. It is easier to condemn rather than commit to learning new things.

#2. Accept the nature of humankind.

Look at the other side of the coin.

Anger at somebody else’s behaviour strips you of life energy, which can be coined into personal advantage: joy and productivity.

I get that you are frustrated with the choices of others. You want to justify your irritation that what they are doing is wrong for the planet, for humankind. But there is no benefit from that attitude.

The healthiest, but not the easiest, for the conditioned brain approach is to mind your own business so that you do not have time to engage in the lives of others.

Do yourself a favour and focus on the privileges you get to exercise daily.

By focusing on positive aspects, you fire neurons and strengthen the connections in your brain that will ultimately shape your experience to notice the good.

How somebody else is behaving is irrelevant. It does not mean it is perfect. It is irrelevant. What matters the most is your reaction to it.

You cannot control the other person.

And that is what we exercise when voicing our opposing views. We want to change others, so they can act according to our whims. But, you can only handle how you choose to see them.

When you are focusing on the things that bug you, you are focusing on the condition. The condition is magnified, and you believe the situation needs to change for you to feel better. That is the reverse approach to go about your life. You are raining on your parade while the other person walks away unbothered.

When you criticize, gratitude evaporates from your life. And it is common knowledge that gratitude is the primal form of receivership. Neuroscientists have found that saying ‘thank you’ and meaning it, alters your brain and programs it for happiness. And when you are content with life, the need to spread critical venom disappears.

There is no right or inappropriate way of living.

There are only people who live more mindfully, know what they want, and direct their thoughts towards feeling good.

Any judgement is pretty invalid. Yes, some people may be busier, others prettier. Yet nobody can relate to your level of optimism or skills you get to exercise.

For some, a steady job is the factor of fulfilment. Still, for others, travelling is the fuel for happiness. You cannot manipulate the lifestyle of others by your judgement just because you think you know what might be better for them. That is not your call to decide.

People are the best teachers.

Challenging characters bring compassion into our lives. They encourage understanding. Those components are key ingredients to a harmonious and peaceful life. When you react to the behaviour of others, you become their slave, not the creator of your experience.

What is more, by observing how people treat others, we can easily design an image of their own treatment as children. When a person brings others down, it can tell a lot about the abuse, criticism and abandonment they have faced in their formative years.

How can you not feel compassion for them?

#3. Do not engage.

Whatever we give our attention to, it becomes magnified in our experience.

It’s called experience-dependent neuroplasticity. The brain is not a fixed matter. It is a malleable organ that alters due to experiences we choose to engage in.

Actions, feelings, thoughts, people you hang out with will affect the patterns of your brain to impact who you can become. Every time you have an experience, the appropriate neurons switch on and start firing. Neural connections get stronger, and new synapses start developing.

What you concentrate on will define the parts of your brain that fire and wire together. If you let your mind settle on criticism, it will mould your brain. You will be more vulnerable to stress, depression, and be more likely to notice the negatives of any situation.

The perfect mindset to cultivate:

I allow you to be wrong because I don’t intend on being right.

Let’s learn to accept critique with a polite thank you, just as you would accept a meal at the restaurant. Take from the plate whatever suit you, whatever tastes, and leave the rest to the vultures.

It is vital to accept criticism with a grain of truth. Perhaps there is a hidden message there? However, one should recognize who the criticism comes from. Is it from a person who exercises it daily towards everyone? Is it somebody you would like to become inspired by? If not, why would you even bother to care?

Life truly becomes simpler when you:

• Embrace changes.
• Set yourself as a priority. Afraid of being judged as selfish? The next point is definitely for you.
• Accept that people will not like you, agree with you or support you.

Everyone has a hidden agenda when it comes to your boundaries. Ultimately, we all want to feel good about ourselves. However, if one person does not support your principles or vision, we tend to get offensive. Why should we care? Opposing the opinion of somebody else does not threaten our happiness unless we let them.

You are in no obligation to respond to the criticism at all. Criticism is like an unwanted gift. Just do not take it. Who does the gift end up with? The giver. You simply refuse to acknowledge the criticism because you know it is not about you at all. You are not here to babysit the emotions of others, or to absorb every ounce of spiteful remarks.

The power lies in you.

It is so easy to be a critique nowadays, especially with social media thriving and taking its toll on our mental health.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain, but it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.

— Dale Carnegie , How to Win Friends and Influence People

Engaging in criticism is the easiest path one can follow and the most unproductive one. Choose to become the better version of yourself and cease any judgement. Spread clear intentions and pure joy. Does criticism even make us attractive? Who would want to spend their lives around bitter comments? I guess, other like-minded miserable people.

You do not eradicate criticism by fighting with it. You do it by focusing on the opposite. Compliments can heal. Compliments are our superpower. Exercise them daily, towards others and yourself. When you praise, it is because you feel good about yourself, and you manage to find beauty in others as well.

Don’t we all want to thrive?

You can only allow for the good entering your life to the level you believe in your worthiness. And feeling insignificant to feebly elevate yourself at the expense of making others smaller, does not resemble stable self-esteem.

Criticism creates a toxic environment. You either become a participant or a smart quitter.

This time, the hustle culture allows you to quit.