We Need to Stop Lying about Women “Liking” Sex As Much As Men
All it does is hurt the sex lives of everyone
One of the most frustrating things about the modern world is the manipulation of studies to make them say things they do not.
One such manipulation that has been particularly irking me of late, is the way people keep using the endless research that says that women on average like sex just as much as men to imply we are up for it just as much.
Some women are, but most are not and saying otherwise does nothing but damage the sex lives of everyone. Firstly, it makes women feel bad if they are not up for it as much as their partner, and secondly, it makes their partner feel bad because it makes them feel she must not be attracted to him/her.
Because it does this, both parties rather than addressing the problem typically try to run from it rather than face it mainly because they look online, and what do they see: women “like” sex just as much as men a.k.a. if she was attracted to you she would want it just as much as you a.k.a. if you were attracted to him/her, you would want it just as much.
This is why we must fight against the manipulation of sex research. Manipulation of truths hurt people, truth liberates people.
But what is the truth in this case?
Women on average do like sex just as much as men and in their heads desire sex just as much and often as men. Study after study has shown this, in fact, there have been so many I won’t even share any because it’s a fair bet that every person reading this will have seen at least one— probably a lot more — reporting this.
Many people use this to say women like sex just as much as men, and they are right, we typically do, however, they are not right in the way most think they are. What I’m saying is, most interpret this to mean something it does not, most interpret this to mean that women are up for having sex as much as men.
We are not and anyone with half a brain would be able to prove as such, if we did everyone would be having a hell of a lot more sex, and I mean a hell of a lot more — just look at the same-sex male scene to get an idea of how much more.
This isn’t even a problem, men and women are different, our sex drives are different, but it does beg the question of what is going on, if women like sex just as much as men, why are we not up for it as much?
It’s popular to say standards, women have standards. But if women liked sex just as much as men, why would they not lower their standards in the way that men do, so what gives, how can women claim to like sex just as much as men, but not be up for it as much?
Well because, how much you like sex does not define how much sex you have, how much sex you have is more defined by how capable you are of being in the mood to have sex.
It’s not how much you like sex, it’s how much your body lets you have it
The reality is men find it much easier to get in the mood than women, a fact that at times sucks just as much for women as it does for men, but at other times is a bit of a relief.
Yep, sorry guys, sometimes having a sex drive that inflicts standards upon you is a lifesaver.
And yes, that means it’s not that women inherently have higher standards than men, it’s just the female sex drive will not let us have lower standards.
But anyway, it’s a kind of win-lose situation, sometimes you win because of it, and sometimes you lose. But it’s undeniable that it exists, and when it comes to relationships, it’s typically the lose side that shows up most often.
For example, one of the most common sex problems in women is that they fancy their partner and want to have sex with their partner, but their libido stubbornly refuses to wake up.
This problem does occur in men and we have Viagra to help them, but it occurs in women far far far more and we have no medical solution — annoyingly.
Speaking of men, the most common sex problem in them is more often the opposite, not that they can’t get it up, some can’t, but most when they have sex problems report the problem as being they are with a partner who is never in the mood for sex.
However, in my experience, the men in these situations typically report their partner says they want to have sex more often and really like sex, but just never feel in the mood to have it.
So, their frustration is they want sex, their partner wants sex, yet they are not having sex because their partner can’t get in the mood.
Yep, the most common sex problem in relationships — and this is just in my experience — is unfortunately the female libido refusing to want to come to life.
The female libido is often camera shy
Men basically have evolved a sex drive that very easily wakes up mainly because it was very smart for a man to be able to have sex the moment a woman was ready.
However, it was intelligent for a woman to only be up for having sex when the time was right, the place was right, and the person was right — when your life depends on only getting pregnant when you can survive a pregnancy, it makes sense to have evolved to be picky when you have sex, and to have a libido that is equally picky.
That means yes, the female libido is often extremely camera shy, and will most often only wake up in the right circumstances — regardless of the wants of the female or her partner.
In terms of what most often kills the female sex drive, stress, stress which of course is known to wake up the male sex drive. Frustrating I know, stress making men extra horny while making women extra not horny.
Another factor which I’ve often found can kill it is comfort. Paradoxically, in my experience, I have found that the more secure women feel in their relationships the more they can find their libidos drying up — regardless of want.
Again, the same is not true per se for men — sometimes it is, but not as often.
Nobody can say why this is, we can only guess, and if I was to guess, I would put it down to the fact that women have a more oxytocin fuelled sex drive whereas men’s are more dopamine fuelled, so the female sex drive is more driven by bonding.
The problem is, if you feel you are bonded then you can find your libido not wanting to wake up i.e. what’s the point of bonding often if you are already well and truly bonded?
But in reality, who really knows, even I don’t know half the time why even though I would like to have sex, I just can’t get in the mood, and trust me, I have spent countless hours trying to work it out.
All I know is my partner and I equally love sex, it’s just he is up for it much more, and this is an extremely common story — much to the frustration of many.
What this means is, consciously men and women likely like and desire sex on average near enough as much as each other. But in practice, the male sex drive is far more active and powerful a driving force than the female sex drive simply because there are far fewer factors that need to be ticked to wake up the male than the female — the easy male orgasm likely being the least of those factors — and far fewer factors that can kill it.
This is likely why on the same-sex scene, gay men are more promiscuous than everyone and have more sex than everyone, whereas lesbian women are less promiscuous than everyone and have the least sex of everyone.
It’s also likely why lesbian couples face sex problems more often than other couples, because you have two sex drives that are extremely picky about when they desire to wake up, regardless of whether the mind wants it to or not.
So, it’s not about how much you desire your partner, or how much you like sex, the amount of sex you have is defined by how easily your libido is willing to come to life. Men’s come to life far more easily than women’s, hence, despite men and women equally liking sex, and in a perfect world wanting to have just as much, men are up for having it much more.
That means, guys, you don’t like it more, you’ve just been gifted through the power of biology the power to embrace your like of it more easily.
With that said, hopefully, that will help put to bed the ridiculous argument over which gender likes it more. Neither do.
Final words
I would like to buy a Ferrari, but I can’t afford one so I can’t have one. I assure you I really really want one, but I don’t have the capability of buying one. That means just because I really really, and I mean really like Ferraris, doesn’t mean I can have one.
The libido works the same way, just because we want it to come to life, doesn’t mean it is going to give us what we want.
That means to finish, women, it’s okay not to be up for sex all the time and not to want it all the time. You are normal. And you know what, men, it’s okay for you not to be as well. It doesn’t mean you don’t like it, it might, some people do not and that’s okay, but more likely it just means you are not in the mood for it, which is also okay.
And if you find yourself never in the mood, and you feel this is a problem, there is support out there, don’t be afraid to seek it out. It really can help.
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